Calvinopoly Transcript

Scene 1: The game
(Episode Starts with Calvin grabbing tape and other supplies and is seen working on an unseen object)

Calvin: It is done. The greatest board game ever imagined. This is the most important moment in the history of history.

Hobbes: (Walks in) What are you bragging abo-oh my.

(Cuts to view Calvin's room covered with various board games and objects)

Hobbes: What is this?

Calvin: Only the greatest board game ever created in the history of man-kind.

Hobbes: What's it called?

Calvin: Calvinopoly.

Hobbes: (Rolls Eyes) Of course it is.

(Circle on one of the board's starts swirling)

Hobbes: What's going on?

Calvin: The game is turning on.

Hobbes: Turning on?!

Calvin: Well Hobbes, this isn't your ordinary board game, your actually in the game.

Hobbes: Your kidding right?

(Circle sucks Calvin and Hobbes into Calvinopoly)

Calvin: Nope.

Hobbes: Fantastic...

Scene 2: The first stage.
Calvin: Well Hobbes, its time to play a game of Calvinopoly!

Hobbes: This is not happening right now, this is just not happening...

Calvin: It's happening.

Hobbes: Great.

(Calvin and Hobbes walk across the game.)

Hobbes: So, how do you play this?

Calvin: Well, with Dad's board game supply, I managed to grab three of the sets, and then build this. It features three stages. The first stage is where giant, lava breathing aliens attack you, and you have to find a useful weapon to kill them. After, you find someone, and he accompanies you to stages two and three.

Hobbes: Who is this "someone" ?

Calvin: You'll see.

(Suddenly, giant, lava breathing aliens burst out of one of the boards.)

Hobbes: What is happening right now?

Calvin: The first stage! Giant lava-breathing aliens!

Hobbes: What do we do? You're the creator! Do something!

(Calvin pulls out the Transmogrifier Gun.)

Calvin: Behold, the Transmogrifier Gun. It's a good thing I invented this. We would've been toast!

(Calvin accidentally zaps him and Hobbes into toast.)

Hobbes: We are now toast, Calvin.

(The lava aliens reach for Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin turns him and Hobbes back into humans and transmogrifies the aliens into ants. Hobbes steps on the ants.)

Calvin: Well, that takes care of that. Onto the next stage!'

Hobbes: So, how did you come up with this idea?

Calvin: I was at Target one day, and decided to look at the board games. They were all crap! Battleship, Candy Land, Monopoly, Twister, The Game of Life, all the basics. It inspired me to make my own game combining all the games I mentioned, just not Twister or the Game of Life.

Hobbes: So you mean...

Calvin: Yes...Battleship and Candy Land are Stage 2 and 3.

Hobbes: Shocking.

Calvin: I know right?

Scene 3: The helper
(Calvin and Hobbes approach a sign that says "Helper Town")

Calvin: This is it! The place where our helper is!

Hobbes: Who will it be, Mr. Monopoly?

Mr. Monopoly: Correct, talking tiger!

Hobbes: Okay then...

Calvin: Mr. Monopoly! So glad to see you!

Mr. Monopoly: Indeed, Mr. Grayson.

Hobbes: YOU GOT MR. MONOPOLY?

Calvin: Yeah. With Monopoly in the game, I can bring in Mr. Monopoly! In the game, you can choose between a battleship captain, King Candy, or Mr. Monopoly here. I chose Mr. Monopoly.

Hobbes: I see...

Mr. Monopoly: Enough talk. On to stage 3!

Calvin: You mean stage 2?

Mr. Monopoly: Yes, thank you. I'm afraid that since I am getting old, my memory is getting hard to remember.

Calvin: Fine. Let's go.

(They approach Stage 2, where they get on a Battleship. This is the Battleship stage. The ship sails to other enemy ships.)

Hobbes: So this is Battleship, eh?

Calvin: Yes. The object here is to destroy all the enemy ships...

Hobbes: I know how to play Battleship, Calvin.

Calvin: OK, then. Mr. Monopoly, you'll be the lookout. Hobbes, take captain. I'll be in charge of missiles.

Hobbes:  Why the missiles?

Calvin: Think about it, Hobbes! I wanted to operate nuclear weaponry ever since I was four!

Hobbes: Oh yeah, how could I forget THAT...

(Missle crashes into Calvin's Ship)

Mr. Mononpoly: We're under attack!

Calvin: I got this!

(Calvin shoots missles at random all over the place, with some success)

Hobbes: Your a terrible shot...

Calvin: Well, excuse me. This is my first time operating nuclear weaponry.

Mr. Monopoly: Keep shooting! A missile has come into the hull!

Calvin: Alright. You win by sinking the Battleship, and I had three hits on the Battleship. So one more shot, and we win!

(Calvin shoots a missile, and it nearly misses the Battleship but it hits it.)

Hobbes: We did it! Now to stage 3! The last stage!

Scene 4: The final battle
(Calvin, Hobbes, and Mr. Monopoly walk into Candy Land. Calvin takes a giant candy cane to whack people, but licks it.)

Hobbes: Gross.

Calvin: It's not my fault I added Candy Land in this.

Hobbes: Actually it is...

Mr. Monopoly: Can we not waste time? The Candy Castle is in front of us.

Calvin: Alright! The final battle with Licorice Lord!

(The gang enters the castle. The Licorice Lord resides.)

Licorice Lord:Ah, it's about time you three show up. I've been waiting to fight.

Calvin: We'll see about that. Monopoly, special attack!

(Mr. Monoply jumps in the air)

Mr. Monopoly: Use title deed: Beat You To Death!

(Mr. Monopoly beats the Licorice Lord with his stick.)

Calvin: I'm home!

(Hobbes leaps at the Licorice Lord and pounces him)

Licorice Lord: Stop it, you mangy feline!

Calvin: Now for me. Use Throw the Book!

(Calvin throws a dictionary at the Licorice Lord and it kills him. His ashes fly in the air)

Mr. Monopoly: We win!

Hobbes: Thank god, can we go home now?

Calvin: Not yet!

Hobbes: WHAT?! I THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY 3 STAGES!

Calvin: Yes, but you haven't faced the fourth stage for beating the game?

Hobbes: Which is?

(Various characters and objects from other board games emerge)

Calvin: Running away from those dudes.

Hobbes: I see snakes from Snakes and Ladders, knights from chess, a captain from Battleship, Sam from Operation, apples from Apples to Apples, hippos from Hungry Hungry Hippos, twisters from Twister, evil babies from The Game of Life, evil people from Cards Against Humanity, a living Bop-It machine, and evil gingerbread men.

Calvin: Yeah. If we run now, there'll be a portal to take us home.

Mr. Monopoly: I'll stay back and hold them off!

Calvin: Why can't you come with us?

Mr. Monopoly: Think about it! I'm a game only character! If I come into your world, then everyone else will.

Calvin: OK. It's been an honor playing with you.

Mr. Monopoly: You too.

(Calvin and Hobbes escape the candy castle, while Mr. Monopoly bashes the characters with his staff. )

Calvin: There's the portal!

Hobbes: Good, now we can escape this death trap!

(Calvin and Hobbes leap into the portal, and they land in Calvin's room.)

Hobbes: Whew! That was a huge death trap.

Calvin: Now, it's time to make edition 2!

Hobbes: WHY?

Calvin: The first edition was good.

Hobbes: You know, I think I hear your dad coming.

Calvin: Oh, relax. He's probably going to take me to Hasbro and get the game published!

(Mr. Grayson enters)

Mr. Grayson: CALVIN! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BOARD GAMES?!

Calvin: Oops...

(Scene cuts to black. Calvin walks on screen.)

Calvin: Where are you going? Get right back here, because The Calvin and Hobbes Show will be right back!