Calvin and Hobbes (movie transcript)

The Calvin and Hobbes Movie (Finally rewritten and finished)

Written by Clvnnhobz, NLG343, Milesprower690, and Jamz64

Rewritten by JaJaLoo

Note: Every two scenes, there is a commercial break for people watching on TV.

Note 2: An older, unfinished version of this movie can be found here.

Prologue: Return
(After the logos roll, the film opens on a prairie. Five worms climb out of a hole.)

Worm 1: I still can't believe this! The stupid kid makes us worms and buries us!

Worm 2: To be honest, we did cause him trouble...

(Worm 3 slaps Worm 2 with his tail)

Worm 2: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Worm 3: You have to be insane, man! He buried us, and you show remorse for our actions?

Worm 4: What we really need to be worried about is where the heck are we?

(The worms look around)

Worm 5: I have no idea.

Worm 1: Alright, guys. We are apparently stuck here, so we must begin the trek to Tokyo.

Worm 4: Why Tokyo?

Worm 1: First city that came to mind.

(Hours later, the worms crawl across the landscape.)

Worm 2: I'm tired...I'm hungry, and tired, and hungry, and tired...

Worm 5: We get it! So are we, but we're not complaining!

Worm 3: What do worms eat anyway?

Worm 4: Bugs? I don't know.

Worm 1: LOOK!

(Worm 1 points his head to a cloaked figure. This is Dark Calvin, but we don't know that yet)

Dark Calvin: Wow. Talking worms. Who created you?

Worm 5: We're not really worms, pal. We were originally humans and transmogrified into worms by this idiot six year old kid and his talking tiger.

Dark Calvin: Interesting. And you want to be humans again?

Worm 3: Yup.

Dark Calvin: Excellent. I have just the tool for that.

(Dark Calvin reaches into his cloak and pulls out a Dark Transmogrifier Gun.)

Worm 1: Is that...

(Dark Calvin turns the worms back into the duplicates.)

Duplicate 6: I'm alive! I kiss the sweet ground!

Duplicate 3: WAHOO! How can we repay you!

Duplicate 2: Now hold on, just a minute. Who...are you?

(Dark Calvin takes off his cloak and reveals himself to be a purple version of Calvin with red eyes.)

Duplicate 5: It's you.

Dark Calvin: Not really. I am more like a dark version of Calvin, created by some random person.

Duplicate 4: So, like, a Dark Calvin?

Dark Calvin: Yes. And I am on the trail of Calvin. How would you like to be my henchmen?

(The duplicates rejoice.)

Dark Calvin: He won't know what hit him...

(The title is shown, with the opening credits, while Out for Blood by Sum 41 plays).

Scene 1: Harsh Reality
(Calvin awakens in his bedroom. He gets out of bed and slips on his shirt. Next to him, Hobbes wakes up.)

Calvin: Morning, ol' buddy.

Hobbes: Calvin.

Calvin: So, today's show and tell day. And I don't have anything else to show or tell about. So, what about you?

Hobbes: You did that back in November of '85. Why me again?

Calvin: I don't know, because Moe has scheduled another pounding for me today, so as well as counting for my grade...

Hobbes: Hold up, show and tell is a grade now?

Calvin: You'll also need to scratch Moe up pretty badly.

Hobbes: Fine, I'll do it. Just let me in your backpack.

(Calvin opens up his backpack, and Hobbes slips in. Mom comes rushing in.)

Mom: There you are! You're going to miss the bus!

Calvin: Yeah, I know, Mom.

Mom: Well, hurry! Do you have you history paper?

Calvin: More than I need.

(Cut to the bus stop after school,  and Calvin takes Hobbes out of his backpack.)

Hobbes: Thank god. It was getting so hot in there. How long is your bus ride, anyways?

Calvin: Save it, hairball.

Hobbes: What's with you?

Calvin: Everyone thinks I'm a moron for still bringing around a stuffed tiger and pretending you're real.

Hobbes: Pretending?

Calvin: There's no other way to put it. You don't exist.

(Hobbes is speechless.)

Hobbes: That's quite an existencial crisis.

Calvin: A what now?

Hobbes: Listen, Calvin, I'm sorry you don't think I exist. But it was part of my deal.

Calvin: Deal?

Hobbes: When I was in the zoo, I was approached by this other tiger. He was different, sort of like a genie. Gave me a potion to make me a stuffed animal to everyone but you and him.

Calvin: Interesting.

Hobbes: You know, come to think of it, maybe he has the potion that can reverse the spell.

Calvin: A spell? That's what we're calling it?

Hobbes: Come on. We're going to see him.

Scene 2: Magical Tiger
(Calvin and Hobbes stand outside of a house.)

Hobbes: This is it.

(Hobbes rings the doorbell, which makes an extraordinary sound.)

Calvin: Never heard a doorbell make that sound before.

(The door opens by itself, and Calvin and Hobbes walk in. It is all dark.)

Hobbes: Hello? Magical Tiger?

(A blur flies past Calvin.)

Calvin: What was that?

Hobbes: Ah! Good, he's home.

(The lights magically come on, to reveal Magical Tiger, meditating.)

Magical Tiger: Who has entered my presence?

Hobbes: Magical Tiger! It's me, Hobbes!

(Magical Tiger opens his eyes to see Hobbes waving.)

Magical Tiger: Hobbes!

(Hobbes and Magical Tiger hug.)

Magical Tiger: How are you, man? Seems like ages since we saw each other!

Hobbes: I know! I've been fine.

Magical Tiger: Good to know! Anyways, who's the kid?

Calvin: I'm Calvin. Call me Calvin the Bold.

Magical Tiger: That I will not. What brings you here?

Calvin: We're here to reverse a spell. I want people to see Hobbes as a real tiger.

Magical Tiger: Hold up, hold up, hold up! If you want to do that, pal, there are several trials and tests!

Calvin: Don't you have a potion that can do that?

Magical Tiger: Afraid not, bro. To get this reverse potion, you must climb the highest mountain here in Chicago.

Calvin: That's it?

Magical Tiger: You were expecting more?

Calvin: Not really.

Hobbes: It sounds great. We'll be ready to go soon.

Scene 3: The climb
(Cut to Calvin packing a duffel bag. Hobbes watches.)

Hobbes: Don't you think packing a duffel bag is unnecessary?

Calvin: My motto is "be prepared."

(They walk into the living room, where Mom and Dad are watching TV.)

Calvin: Bye, Mom, bye, Dad. Hobbes and I are going to climb a mountain.

(Dad springs out of his chair.)

Dad: Climbing a mountain?

Calvin: Uh oh.

Dad: So great of you to finally take initiative in building character. What mountain do you want to climb?

Calvin: The tallest one.

Dad: And you even have it planned outI That's my son.

(Cut to Calvin, Hobbes, and Dad climbing up the mountain. Dad is slipping a few times.)

Calvin: This was a mistake.

Hobbes: It's what you wanted.

Calvin: Come on, let's ditch Nature Man.

Hobbes: Way ahead of you.

(Calvin and Hobbes run up a path.)

Dad: Hey, where are you going?

(Cut to Calvin and Hobbes, tired, approaching the top of the mountain.)

Hobbes: You wouldn't have any tuna in the duffel, would you?

Calvin: Give it a look.

(Hobbes rustles through the duffel bag, and pulls out a can of tuna, eating it.)

Hobbes: Perfection.

Calvin: THERE IT IS!

(Calvin points to a purple potion.)

Hobbes: Yes! We did it!

(Suddenly, five blurry beings surround the potion.)

Calvin: What is that?

(The blurs fade out, revealing the duplicates.)

Calvin: YOU GUYS!

(The duplicates turn at the sight of Calvin.)

Duplicate 2: YOU GUYS!

Calvin: Get away from that potion!

Duplicate 5: No way! We are grabbing it for Dark Calvin, our master!

Calvin: No fair! Hobbes? I'm home.

Hobbes: On it.

(Hobbes aims for the Duplicates, but Duplicate 6 shoots a net gun, trapping Hobbes in a net.)

Calvin: HOBBES!

Duplicate 4: Grab the potion before the kid can!

(Duplicate 3 grabs the potion and they drag Hobbes away.)

Calvin: Let's get Hobbes.

(Calvin picks up the duffel bag, and pulls out the wagon.)

Calvin: Good thing I always come prepared.

(Calvin pushes off, and then chases the duplicates down the mountain. He eventually grabs Hobbes and loads him in the wagon.)

Duplicate 3: Hey!

(Calvin and Hobbes roll down the hill as Hobbes rustles out of the net.)

Hobbes: I have never been so happy to see your wagon.

Calvin: Yeah, yeah, we just have to get away.

(Meanwhile, Dad is still struggling to climb up the mountain. He sees Calvin and Hobbes roll by.)

Dad: Calvin? Is that you?

(Eventually, Calvin and Hobbes get to the bottom of the mountain.)

Hobbes: We did it!

Calvin: But they got away, and they have the potion. Soon, the world will be screwed by the dupes and their master, Dark Calvin.

Hobbes: I think we need to take the fight to them. Find out Dark Calvin's strengths and weaknesses and whatnot.

Calvin: Good idea. TO THE LIBRARY!

(Cut back to the duplicates, on a phone call with Dark Calvin.)

Duplicate 2: Boss? We lost the tiger, but we got the potion.

Dark Calvin: Good. Bring the potion to me, and clear your desks, you're fired.

(The duplicates look at each other.)

Duplicate 4: Did we get fired?

Duplicate 5: I think so...

Scene 4: Research
(Calvin and Hobbes look at the book selections until they run into a familiar face.)

Calvin: Oh, hey, Susie.

Susie: Hi, Calvin! Are you here for your research project?

Calvin: You could definitely say that.

Susie: Wow. This isn't the Calvin I once knew. What's your research on?

Calvin: Some dude named Dark Calvin, what about you?

(Susie looks dumbfounded.)

Susie: Elephants...

Calvin: Good on you.

(Susie walks away. Hobbes keeps browsing the books.)

Hobbes: They need a better book selection. Just one book on tigers. Unbelievable.

Calvin: Not the time. We need to find a book on Dark Calvin.

(Magical Tiger pops up next to them, holding a book about Dark Calvin.)

Magical Tiger: Like this?

(Calvin jumps into Hobbes' arms, screaming.)

Calvin: Don't do that EVER AGAIN!

(Calvin is immediately shushed.)

Magical Tiger: I have this book. Maybe it can help.

(Magical Tiger places the book on a table, and flips it open.)

Calvin: Let's see... "One of the first houses in Ohio was 6653 Cherry Picker Road, where it was built in 1886, home to one of the three most deadliest murderers in the 70's named Robert Anderson. However, he was caught and the house was sold to someone else in 1988. (A different) Robert, the person who owned the house before so and so, had stolen what people had belived as the map to the last tomb in Egypt, which led to the richest king ever."

Hobbes: A tomb? And what does this have to do with Dark Calvin?

Magical Tiger: It gets there, trust me.

Calvin: "Legends say that the tomb is buried under 209 S Wakegaun Street in Glenview, Illinois (our house). Then, in 2005, a man named Samuel Robinson, found the tomb underneath the house. He strangely died later due to a figure. Legends say that the figure is known as the Fearsome King DarkKid Calvinalter Richardo the III, (aka Dark Calvin) son of Felopeus, God of the Underworld, Son of Richardo, God of Death, Son of Belchipeios, God of Darkness, Son of Lucifer, The God of evil."

Hobbes: That's very wordy.

Calvin: It also says that the only way to kill Dark Calvin is to get a special potion before he does.

Magical Tiger: And that potion was what I wanted you to have until it got away.

Hobbes: How is that supposed to kill Dark Calvin? I thought it was to make me real again.

Magical Tiger: Hold on...I might have the potion's recipe in my kitchen.

Calvin: So why did you have us climb up the mountain, then?

Magical Tiger: I only use my recipes when things get rough. Let's go.

Scene 5: Mishaps
(Cut to an empty parking lot. Magical Tiger holds a knapsack full of potions.)

Calvin: Alright, so you have the potions?

Magical Tiger: Yeah, but there are some limitations...

Calvin: Limitations schmimitations. Gimme all your stash.

(Magical Tiger hands Calvin all the potions and he drinks them all.)

Magical Tiger: Alright, now you have to concentrate really hard and...

(A popping sound is heard behind Magical Tiger.)

Magical Tiger: Oh, no...

(Magical Tiger turns to see a store called Free Cape Included.)

Hobbes: Free Cape Included? Why could you imagine that?

Calvin: I don't know! It just...happened.

(This causes Magical Tiger to fall to the ground.)

Magical Tiger: You have got to be KIDDING ME! Now we have to journey to Dark Calvin's lair to retrieve the potion!

(Another popping sound is heard and suddenly, Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer Bullet appear out of nowhere.)

Spaceman Spiff: Zounds! Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, is suddenly stranded on a distant planet without his trusty spaceship! No, seriously, where am I?

Calvin: Earth.

Spiff: Oh, that explains everything.

Tracer Bullet: I don't know what I'm doing here either. I was just solving a case for a hundred greenbacks, and then I disappeared to here. Good thing I take the money first.

Stupendous Man: Well, I guess the villains will be bested by me, the powerful STUPENDOUS MAN!

(Magical Tiger looks at all of them.)

Magical Tiger: This is what you imagine in your head?

Hobbes: It gets weirder.

(A dinosaur pops up out of nowhere.)

Calvin: The Calvinosaurus!

Magical Tiger: This is bad. Since you used all this, Hobbes will...

(Hobbes suddenly turns into a stuffed tiger.)

Calvin: Hobbes! NO!

Magical Tiger: And this is why we need to get to Dark Calvin's lair to get the potion. We will need a transport.

Spiff: Maybe we can see if that store has anything we need.

Calvin: Good plan. Tracer, can we have some money?

Tracer: I was hoping not to give some away, but here you go.

Calvin: Thanks.

Scene 6: Buying a spaceship
(Calvin and Spiff walk into Free Cape Included. Store owner Bob mans the stand.)

Bob: Hello, and welcome to Free Cape Included, where anything you buy gets a free cape.

Spiff: We're looking for a spaceship, have anything like that?

Bob: Not really, but we have a series of toy spaceships that turn into a real spaceship.

Calvin: Sounds good. How much are they?

Bob: Two bucks.

Spiff: Figured it would be expensive. My saucer was about a hundred thousand dollars to build.

(Calvin and Spiff browse the spaceships, until Spiff sees a familiar sight.)

Spiff: Hey! My saucer! It's here!

Bob: I suppose you'll take that one?

Spiff: Right we will. Here.

(Spaceman Spiff tosses two dollars at Bob.)

Bob: Have a good day.

(The two exit the store to see only Magical Tiger and the other alter egos.)

Calvin: Hey! Where's Hobbes?

Magical Tiger: Well, I sent him to another scientist friend of mine to operate on him.

Calvin: OPERATE?

Magical Tiger: Relax. He's a professional.

Calvin: So, who is it?

Magical Tiger: Some guy named Spittle.

Calvin: Wait...MY PRINCIPAL?!

Stupendous Man: Have no fear! Principal Man will be taken down and the hostages will be set free!

Magical Tiger: There is no hostages! We'll pick up Hobbes on the way to Dark Calvin's lair.

(The heroes enter the spaceship.)

Scene 7: New recruit
(Cut to the outside of Susie's house, where she is having a tea party with Mr. Bun.)

Susie: It's a good thing that Calvin isn't here to disrupt us, Mr. Bun. Now we can have fun all by ourselves.

(Suddenly, Dark Calvin, in his cloak, covers Susie with his shadow. She notices and screams.)

Dark Calvin: Perfect. Hello, Susie Derkins.

Susie: How do you know my name?

(Dark Calvin takes off his hood.)

Susie: Calvin?

Dark Calvin: Incorrect. I am Dark Calvin.

Susie: Like, another one of Calvin's alter egos, or...

Dark Calvin: No, I am his villainous clone, determined to eradicate him and control the world. Due to me having all his memories, I would like you to be my apprentice, because I know how much you hate him.

Susie: That is true...do I get paid?

Dark Calvin: In due time.

Susie: I'm in.

Dark Calvin: Good. Just one thing.

(Electricity comes out of Dark Calvin's hands and it hits Mr. Bun.)

Susie: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Dark Calvin: Gaining my new recruit.

(Mr. Bun springs to life.)

Mr. Bun: Hi, Susie!

Susie: Mr. Bun?

Mr. Bun: That's my name, don't wear it out!

Susie: You're alive?

Dark Calvin: Using new powers I gained from a potion, I can make anything come alive. Now, come.

(Dark Calvin leads Susie and Mr. Bun below his spaceship, which teleports them up.)

Scene 8: Spittle's Work
(Cut to stuffed Hobbes, being operated on by Mr. Spittle.)

Mr. Spittle: Excellent. Soon, this tiger Calvin has been raving about at school will be alive once again.

(His daughter, Ginger, enters the room with a strawberry shortcake.)

Ginger: Hi, Dad.

Mr. Spittle: Not now, Ginger. I'm in the middle of some very important work.

Ginger: Well, I just wanted to say that Magical Tiger called, he and some kid named Calvin are coming to get this stuffed tiger. So I made this cake for them.

Mr. Spittle: That's all well and good, honey, but could you pass me the cumin?

(Ginger shrugs and hands Mr. Spittle a bottle of cumin. He puts it in the potion, and it starts smoking. At that moment, Calvin and Magical Tiger run in.)

Calvin: Mr. Spittle.

Mr. Spittle: Calvin. I was not expecting you.

Calvin: I was not expecting you to have a lab underneath your office!

Mr. Spittle: Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh?

Ginger: May I offer you a piece of cake?

Magical Tiger: Ooh! Strawberry shortcake. My favorite.

(Magical Tiger takes a slice. Calvin takes one as well.)

Calvin: Who's this? Your personal slave?

Mr. Spittle: No, this is Ginger. She is my daughter.

Calvin: You have a daughter?

Mr. Spittle: You learn something new every day.

(Magical Tiger finishes his slice of cake.)

Magical Tiger: How goes the work?

Mr. Spittle: One drop of this mixture, and we should be good.

Calvin: And what if it doesn't work?

Mr. Spittle: Then there's nothing I can do.

(Mr. Spittle holds up an eyedropper and squeezes a drop onto Hobbes. Suddenly, a whirlwind forms around Hobbes, knocking everyone back.)

Mr. Spittle: It's working!

(The whirlwind clears and Hobbes is shown again.)

Hobbes: Wow. That was a trip.

Calvin: HOBBES!

Hobbes: Calvin! Good to see you again. What did I miss?

Magical Tiger: Nothing much.

Calvin: Now that Hobbes has the antidote, do we still have to defeat Dark Calvin?

Magical Tiger: Unfortunately, yes. He still has the potion is his clutches, so we have to get it back before he does some of his evil bidding on the world.

Hobbes: Alright, let's get him.

Scene 9: The lair
(Dark Calvin observes Spaceman Spiff's ship on a monitor.)

Dark Calvin: So, they got the tiger back, huh? And they seem to be after me. Derkins! Bun!

(Susie and Mr. Bun enter.)

Susie: Yes, master?

Dark Calvin: Activate the cannons. Hopefully we can kill them.

Mr. Bun: Yes, sir!

(Susie and Mr. Bun leave. Outside the fortress, a cannon rises from the ground, and aims for Spiff's ship. Cut to the inside of the ship.)

Spiff: Almost there, boys. Soon enough, Dark Calvin will go down.

Tracer: I hope so. I have cases to solve.

Hobbes: I can't believe this is what goes on in your head.

Calvin: I know, it's great.

(Suddenly, everyone flies around.)

Spiff: Zounds! The zero gravity feature has kicked in again!

Magical Tiger: NO YOU IDIOT! The ship's been hit! We're going down!

Spiff: Oh. Guess it was that.

(The ship crashes outside of the fortress. Everyone crawls out.)

Calvin: Alright, I have a plan. We storm the castle like we do in that one movie, what was it?

Hobbes: Braveheart, I think?

Calvin: Like in Braveheart! Let's go!

(An alarm goes off and several guards surround Calvin.)

Guard: FREEZE! NOW COME QUIETLY! YOU WILL BE TAKEN TO DARK CALVIN!

(The guards handcuff Calvin, and point their spears into the fortress. Hobbes, Magical Tiger, and the alter egos watch.)

Hobbes: What do we do?

Stupendous Man: Have no fear! Calvin will be rescued! Up, up, and AWAY!

(Stupendous Man flies into the air, but Magical Tiger grabs his cape and pulls him back down.)

Magical Tiger: Are you insane? Do you want to be locked up too?

Spiff: Magical Tiger's right, man. We need to formulate a careful plan.

Scene 10: Avery and Tag
(Calvin is thrown into a cell on his face. As the guard locks up the door, Calvin runs to the bars.)

Calvin: LET ME OUT!

(The guard ignores him and walks away. Calvin slumps against the bars and notices a red haired girl and a green tiger, named Avery and Tag.)

Avery: You new here?

Calvin: What does it look like?

Tag: Hey, don't feel bad. We've been in here for a week.

Calvin: What did you do?

Avery: We were servants for Dark Calvin, but I laced his drink...

Calvin: WHAT?

Avery: With sleeping powder.

Calvin: Oh.

Tag: I was against it, but Avery here wanted to get out so bad.

Avery: Shut up, Tag. You did too.

Tag: Not to put sleeping powder in his Coke Zero!

Calvin: Guys!

(Avery and Tag stop arguing.)

Calvin: If I'm going to be here with you two, then you need to put aside your differences!

Tag: Fine. Truce?

Avery: Truce...

Calvin: So, what's some secrets about this place? Anything you know on Dark Calvin?

Avery: Other than him torturing his prisoners every Tuesday, nothing.

Calvin: Torture?

Tag: Last I checked, it's Tuesday, so that means more second degree burns.

(Calvin starts rustling through his hair.)

Avery: What are you doing?

Calvin: I have something that can get us out.

Tag: What?

(Calvin pulls out the Transmogrifier Gun.)

Avery: A water gun?

Calvin: Nope.

(Calvin points the Transmogrifier Gun at himself and turns into a tiger. Tag is amazed, and Avery is confused.)

Tag: HOLY MOLY! That turns you into a tiger?

Calvin: Anything, really. It runs on telepathy.

Avery: How did you do that?

Calvin: I'll explain later. Get on my back.

(Avery and Tag get on Calvin's back. Calvin rips the door off and he begins his escape. Several guards shoot at Calvin, but he knocks them out. Cut to the outside of the fortress, and Spaceman Spiff cocks his laser at the lock on the door.)

Spiff: Now that the security cameras have been busted, we can break in and get Calvin back.

Tracer: Well, hurry it up.

(Spiff glares at Tracer and shoots at the door, opening it. Calvin, with Avery and Tag, burst out of the fortress.)

Magical Tiger: What is that?

Stupendous Man: A hideous tiger monster!

Hobbes: No, that's Calvin.

Tracer: It can't be.

Hobbes: Transmogrification.

Calvin: Hobbes! Here!

(Calvin tosses the Transmogrifier Gun to Hobbes, who shoots at him, turning back into Calvin.)

Calvin: Thanks.

Magical Tiger: Who's this?

Calvin: Avery and Tag.

Avery: Hey.

Tag: Two more tigers? Bring it in, brother!

(Tag goes to high five Hobbes.)

Hobbes: No thanks.

Calvin: They have an inside scoop on Dark Calvin.

Magical Tiger: Alright, they're keepers. Now let's go get Dark Calvin.

Scene 11: The chase
(Dark Calvin faces one of his clients.)

Dark Calvin: Thank you for coming by this afternoon. Do you have the device?

(A hooded figure hands Dark Calvin a microchip.)

Dark Calvin: Thank you. This will do great for plan XY.

(The figure leaves and turns a corner, taking off her hood, revealing Rosalyn.)

Rosalyn: This ends right now.

(She leaves the fortress without anyone seeing. Meanwhile, Dark Calvin places the microchip in the computer.)

Dark Calvin: Excellent. Soon I will take over the...

(The computer explodes, sending Dark Calvin flying. Outside the facility, the heroes walk towards the fortress when it blows up. Everyone looks at it.)

Spiff: Huh.

Calvin: Well, that was a waste of time.

(Hobbes sees an escape pod get away.)

Hobbes: Not exactly. That must be Dark Calvin! Look!

Stupendous Man: After him!

(Everyone runs into Spiff's ship, which takes off and pursues Dark Calvin.)

Dark Calvin: Oh, this is how you want to play it, huh? Very well, then.

(Sweatpants by Childish Gambino plays. Dark Calvin does a nosedive. Spiff's ship does the same.)

Avery: He's headed for the city.

Stupendous Man: I have a plan.

(Stupendous Man kicks open the door and flies towards the escape pod.)

Hobbes: What is he doing?

Magical Tiger: He must be trying to stop them.

(Cut to Dark Calvin's pod. He sees Stupendous Man outside, and presses a button. Immediately, several drones fly out of the ship.)

Tag: He's gonna die!

(Stupendous Man then uses some laser eyes to destroy the drones.)

Stupendous Man: GO! I'll hold them off!

Spiff: We can't!

Calvin: Let him go, Spiff! We have to defeat...

(They see Dark Calvin has disappeared. Stupendous Man destroys the last drone and reenters the ship. Spiff activates a computer.)

Spiff: Hopefully with this, we can track Dark Calvin.

Hobbes: Are you sure?

Spiff: This is space age technology, Hobbes. Get real.

(Much later, a beeping is heard.)

Spiff: I have Dark Calvin in sights.

Magical Tiger: It's time to end this. Where is he?

Scene 12: Dark Hobbes
(The heroes bust into the International Church of Chicago.)

Calvin: Stay alert. He could be anywhere.

Tracer: Look.

(Tracer points to the escape pod.)

Hobbes: Let's get him.

(The heroes run to the pod. Calvin carefully presses a button, which slowly opens the cockpit, engulfing everyone in smoke. Eventually, the smoke clears to reveal a purple version of Hobbes.)

Hobbes: It's me...

Stupendous Man: Not exactly...

(Suddenly, Dark Hobbes awakens and steps forward.)

Dark Hobbes: I am Dark Hobbes.

Magical Tiger: Dark Hobbes? Do you...

Dark Hobbes: I was created by Dark Calvin to eradicate the one they call Calvin.

Calvin: Uh oh.

(Dark Calvin lands behind them.)

Dark Calvin: Isn't he great? My creation will do the job for me. Dark Calvin and Hobbes will rule the world.

Magical Tiger: Not if I have to say anything about it...

(Dark Calvin throws a box at Magical Tiger, which turns into a cage, trapping him inside. Susie and Mr. Bun enter the scene and guide Dark Hobbes to the ship.)

Calvin: SUSIE? You work for Dark Calvin?

Susie: He's recruiting everyone who hates you.

Avery: Gotta say, not very nice.

Mr. Bun: Shut up! Or we'll capture you!

Dark Calvin: That's the spirit, Mr. Bun. Now, let's go.

(Dark Calvin climbs into the pod, which takes off.)

Spiff: After him!

Magical Tiger: First, can someone set me free?

(Tag uses one of his claws to free him)

Tag: Thank me later.

(Everyone runs off, except for Calvin. Hobbes notices this.)

Hobbes: Calvin? We need to go.

Calvin: Go without me. I need to contemplate some stuff.

Hobbes: Now's not the time, Hobbes! I need to figure some stuff out.

(Calvin runs out of a separate door. Hobbes groans and gets in the spaceship.)

Tag: Where's Calvin?

Hobbes: He says he needs to contemplate some stuff.

Magical Tiger: We can't do this mission without him. Spiff?

Spiff: Yeah. Tracking Calvin...

Scene 13: Calvin's journey
(Calvin walks through the forest, mumbling to himself.)

Calvin: I can't let them down now. Not with the entire world at stake.

(Calvin journeys into a cave.)

Calvin: Aw man. Caves give me the creeps. HELLO?

(Dark Calvin is there, but unseen.)

Dark Calvin: Hello, Calvin.

Calvin: Who's there?

Dark Calvin: It's me, Hobbes! We need to go on an adventure!

Calvin: The hell you are. Who are you?

Dark Calvin: I'm telling you, I'm Hobbes.

Calvin: OK, I'm trusting you.

Dark Calvin: Listen, I need the Transmogrifier Gun for a second. Could you...

Calvin: Weird. Normally you hate my inventions, but OK.

(Calvin tosses the Transmogrifier Gun to Dark Calvin.)

Dark Calvin: Thank you.

(Dark Calvin runs away, dropping a key.)

Dark Calvin: That fool. He fell for the oldest trick in the book.

(Dark Calvin presses a button, which activates another cage onto Calvin.)

Calvin: OH COME ON!

Dark Calvin: I must be off. DERKINS! Commence with Plan XY-B and teleport me up.

(Dark Calvin teleports away. Calvin sits in the cage until he notices the key.)

Calvin: The key! Must be the key to the cage. Hold on...

(Calvin grabs a stick, and inches the key over to him.)

Calvin: YES!

(Calvin unlocks the cage, and runs out of the cave. Cut to Spiff's ship.)

Spiff: I don't see Calvin anywhere.

Tracer: Any clues as to where he is?

Avery: I see him! Look!

Spiff: Dropping ladder.

(Outside, Calvin grabs the ladder, and begins climbing it. Once in Spiff's ship, Calvin alerts the gang of the situation.)

Calvin: Dark Calvin has the Transmogrifier Gun.

Hobbes: WHAT? Why would you give it to him?

Calvin: He tricked me. And he said something about Plan XY-B commencing.

Spiff: Yeah, I did some research on this Plan XY-B. We have to stop him in five hours.

Scene 14: Plan XY-B
(Cut to Dark Calvin's spaceship. Dark Calvin does some research as Susie and Mr. Bun walk in.)

Susie: I didn't know you had a spaceship.

Dark Calvin: I never use it. It was used as a backup in case my lair was destroyed, and it was.

Mr. Bun: Still, it's very cool. Is there a frozen yogurt machine in here? I'm hungry.

Dark Calvin: Second floor, in the mall.

Mr. Bun: Thanks.

(Mr. Bun sets off, but notices the security monitor.)

Mr. Bun: Um, Dark Calvin?

Dark Calvin: Yes, rabbit?

Mr. Bun: They're here.

(Dark Calvin looks at the monitor, and panics.)

Dark Calvin: Not again...you two stay here and drop the bomb.

Susie: Will it kill us?

Dark Calvin: Sure, but I'll be fine with it. See ya.

Susie: NO NO NO, WAIT!

(Dark Calvin climbs in an escape pod and shoots away. Susie bangs on the glass.)

Mr. Bun: Are you OK, Susie?

Susie: No! We've been betrayed.

(Soon, Calvin and the gang run in.)

Calvin: Alright, Derkins. Where's your boss?

Susie: He's gone.

Tag: What?

Mr. Bun: Dark Calvin left us to die on the ship with the bomb for some reason.

Calvin: Is it running?

Susie: Yes, but we can foil his plans. Come with me.

Scene 15: Disarming the bomb
(A door opens, and Susie and Mr. Bun lead the gang into a room where the bomb, still ticking, is.)

Hobbes: Quite the bomb.

Tag: I'll say.

Susie: It was meant for Plan XY-B. Dark Calvin activated it five hours ago.

Mr. Bun: Supposed to destroy the world.

Calvin: And I assume you want us to destroy it?

Spiff: Fair enough. I'll set my mertilizer on Deep Fat Fry.

Susie: NO! If you shoot the bomb, we'll all die!

Avery: Nice going, Spiff.

Spiff: You shut your mouth or you're going to get deep fat fried.

Mr. Bun: The only way to kill the bomb is to cut the wires.

Calvin: Good thing I always come prepared.

(Calvin pulls out some scissors and approaches the wires.)

Calvin: Alright, now we have the red wire, blue wire, and green wire.

Magical Tiger: If I know my action movies, and I probably don't, then the red wire is the one.

(Calvin snips it. Nothing happens.)

Tracer: Try the blue wire.

(Nothing happens again.)

Calvin: Alright, so it must be the green wire.

(Calvin snips it in slow motion. Everyone takes a sigh of relief until the clock starts ticking again.)

Stupendous Man: Great moons of Neptune! The bomb must be indestructible!

Hobbes: That can't be! There's always that one wire!

Spiff: Now can I blast it?

Magical Tiger: NO! Moron.

Spiff: I'm sorry, what?

Calvin: We have bigger matters, guys. What can we do?

(Stupendous Man runs to the bomb, and grabs it.)

Tag: What are you doing?

Stupendous Man: Trust me.

(Stupendous Man leaves the ship, and blasts into space. He throws the bomb straight at Dark Calvin's pod. Cut to Dark Calvin's pod.)

Dark Calvin: Ha ha ha! Soon, Plan XY-B will commence...

(The bomb lands in his ship.)

Dark Calvin: Oh sh...

(Cut to the spaceship, as the heroes watch the pod explode.)

Magical Tiger: Dark Calvin's dead! WE DID IT!

Tracer: Three cheers for Stupendous Man!

Calvin: WAHOO!

Scene 16: Iron Calvin
(As everyone celebrates, Tag hears something. He exits the premises.)

Avery: Tag? Where are you going?

(Tag says nothing and ventures out into the ship. He turns a corner to see Dark Hobbes, holding a button similar to the Time Pauser.)

Dark Hobbes: Master? I have the button. Master?

(Tag gasps and runs back. Dark Hobbes hears him.)

Dark Hobbes: Intruders.

(Dark Hobbes gives chase. Cut to Tag, who has reentered the room.)

Magical Tiger: Tag? Where have you been?

Tag: Dark Hobbes. He's here.

(As soon as he says this, Dark Hobbes breaks open the door and faces the gang.)

Dark Hobbes: I see you've intruded the ship.

Avery: Oh, you again.

Susie: Dark Hobbes, good to see you again.

Dark Calvin: You think you can defeat me? I was designed to be more powerful than Dark Calvin.

Susie: Calvin!

Calvin: Yeah?

(Susie tosses the Transmogrifier Gun to Calvin.)

Calvin: Good call.

Dark Hobbes: With the push of this button, I will kill you...

(Calvin fires the Transmogrifier Gun at the button, which turns into Iron Calvin.)

Dark Hobbes: What the...

Iron Calvin: I am Iron Calvin. And I am here to protect and serve...

(Suddenly, Iron Calvin powers off.)

Hobbes: Well, that was a bust.

(Iron Calvin powers on.)

Dark Hobbes: He's mine.

Iron Calvin: Destroy the intruders...

(Everyone runs away, and Iron Calvin gives chase.)

Scene 17: The portal
(Avery runs into a room, where a device is shown.)

Avery: What is this?

(Avery gets closer to it, and reads a label.)

Avery: Used to destroy the power of imagination? Oh, that's bad. Very bad.

(Suddenly, Iron Calvin bursts into the room.)

Iron Calvin: Intruder.

(Iron Calvin launches himself towards Avery, and then they have a big fight. Avery wins by throwing Iron Calvin into the machine as the gang runs in.)

Stupendous Man: What's going on here?

Avery: I think I killed Iron Calvin.

Calvin: Well, the less enemies, the better, am I right?

Magical Tiger: Agreed.

(Dark Hobbes crashes in.)

Dark Hobbes: What is this? This can't be.

(Dark Hobbes throws Iron Calvin off the device and presses a button. Immediately, a giant portal opens in the sky.)

Calvin: EVERYONE HANG ON TO SOMETHING!

(All the heroes grab onto a random object to stop them from flying into the portal. Eventually, Iron Calvin gets sucked in, which makes the portal malfunction, and everyone falls to the floor.)

Spiff: Everyone! Get away!

(The heroes begin to run, but then Dark Hobbes lands in front of Calvin.)

Hobbes: CALVIN!

(Dark Hobbes punches Calvin, and stands over him, claws ready.)

Dark Hobbes: Any last words, child?

Calvin: Yeah...dinosaur59.

Dark Hobbes: Dinosaur59?

(Suddenly, the time machine comes in and knocks Dark Hobbes out. Calvin climbs in.

Calvin: Everyone! Get in the box!

Avery: This day just gets weirder and weirder.

Susie: I have to stay here. Come on, Mr. Bun.

Mr. Bun: What? Why?

Susie: We have some other business going on.

Mr. Bun: Oh, right.

(Susie and Mr. Bun run away as the heroes get into the box and it flies out of the ship.)

Calvin: Hobbes? Do you have a magic marker?

Hobbes: Yeah.

(Hobbes gives Calvin a marker, and he draws a button that says, "Instant teleportation".)

Tracer: Instant teleportation? Where did you get that idea?

Calvin: Just came up with it.

(Calvin presses the button, and then the box teleports away. Dark Hobbes gets up.)

Dark Hobbes: You're good, Calvin. But it will take a lot more than that to kill me.

(Dark Hobbes presses a button, and a jetpack flies towards him. He equips himself and flies off.)

Scene 18: Aerial battle
(Over a river, the time machine comes out.)

Stupendous Man: Well, that was a trip.

Tag: It was cool, though.

Hobbes: You appreciate it more than me.

Avery: Guys? We have company.

(Avery points to Dark Hobbes, flying downwards towards them.)

Spiff: And I thought we got away from that wacko.

(Dark Hobbes grabs a grenade launcher, and fires it at the heroes. Tracer uses his pistol to shoot it down. Dark Hobbes shoots another one, and Tracer prepares to shoot again.)

Tracer: DRAT! Out of bullets.

(Magical Tiger looks out from under them.)

Magical Tiger: Hold on tight, guys.

Calvin: What are you doing?

(Magical Tiger engulfs them in a shield, and takes them into the river.)

Dark Hobbes: Where did they go?

(Magical Tiger takes them back into the time machine.)

Stupendous Man: That did nothing, Magical Tiger. He's still here.

Calvin: Time to use the teleportation.

(Calvin presses the teleportation button, and they teleport away.)

Dark Hobbes: Forget that, now where did they go? Tracker, don't fail me now...

(Dark Hobbes activates his tracker, and it shows they are in Texas.)

Dark Hobbes: Texas. I'm coming for you.

Scene 19: The creator?
(The time machine comes out in Zambia.)

Avery: It's so hot here...where are we?

Calvin: We're in Zambia. Hopefully, Dark Hobbes doesn't know we're here.

Hobbes: I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. Let's eat some lion, shall we?

Tag: Ooh! I'm game.

Magical Tiger: Sounds good to me.

(The humans all look uneasy.)

Hobbes: Don't worry. It tastes good, trust me.

(Calvin shrugs and the time machine lands. As the heroes get out, two hooded figures land near them.)

Hooded figure 1: Ha ha ha...

Calvin: Who's that?

Hooded figure 1: I am who started this. I created Dark Calvin.

Hooded figure 2: Hey!

Calvin: Who are you?

Hooded figure 1: Your sister.

(The hooded figure takes off her hood, revealing herself to be Zoe.)

Calvin: Wh-- Why?

Zoe: Because. G.R.O.S.S. It's a boys club only.

Calvin: But that doesn't make any sense!

Stupendous Man: I'm with him.

Zoe: Now, you all have three choices: you get shot down, drown, or get burned alive. You have thirty seconds to choose.

Avery: Well, um...

Tag: I prefer not to get shot, thanks.

(This hooded figure takes off her hood, revealing another Zoe)

Zoe 2: Hey! If you say another word again, I'll- I'll-

Zoe 1: Pickles.

Zoe 2: Grrrr...

(Zoe 2 blasts Zoe 1 with a blaster.

Calvin: ...what the heck?

Zoe 2: I'M the real Zoe, and that other Zoe didn't make Dark Calvin!

Calvin: Okay, okay, we trust you.

Tracer: You can't trust someone that easily!

Calvin: Whatever.

Zoe: So... Why are we in a time machine with a girl, a visually hi-tech person, a guy that looks like he's from the 30's, and a tiger?

Calvin: Long, loooong story.

Zoe: Oh.

Scene 20: Setbacks
(Dark Hobbes lands in the middle of Houston, guns blazing.)

Dark Hobbes: ALRIGHT, CALVIN! YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO GET OUT HERE!

(The citizens stare at him.)

Dark Hobbes: Wait, what? Stupid old tracker!

(Dark Hobbes hits the tracker and then shows they're in Zambia.)

Dark Hobbes: Perfect. Zambia. Now they'll die.

(Dark Hobbes takes off again. Cut back to Zambia.)

Zoe: This Dark Hobbes guy, is he a sidekick of Dark Calvin?

Hobbes: Sort of. He's more evil.

Dark Hobbes: And he's right here!

(Everyone looks to see Dark Hobbes, flying in the air.)

Spiff: How did he get here so fast?

Avery: Maybe he has the same technology Calvin has.

Dark Hobbes: No. This is just a sweet jetpack that took me from Texas to here. And now, you're all going to die.

Calvin: IN THE BOX! NOW!

(Everyone leaps back into the time machine, and it takes off. Dark Hobbes gives chase.)

Tag: He's gaining!

Calvin: Not if I have anything to say about it!

(Calvin presses a button for rockets, and the box zooms away. Dark Hobbes presses a button, and he flies after them.)

Stupendous Man: Great stars of Jupiter! He's back!

(Dark Hobbes pulls out his grenade launcher and fires away.)

Spiff: Out of the way, you!

Tracer: Spiff! What are you doing?

Spiff: I'm saving us all!

(Dark Hobbes then pulls out a blade.)

Magical Tiger: Where did he get that?

Spiff: Doesn't matter. I'm about to shoot him down.

(Spiff shoots some lasers at Dark Hobbes. Dark Hobbes slows down and deflects the blasts. The blasts fly right towards Tracer and Avery.)

Calvin: LOOK OUT!

(Tracer turns around too late, as he is killed. Avery is also hit.)

Tag: AVERY, NO!

Stupendous Man: TRACER! MY BUDDY! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!

(Stupendous Man flies towards Dark Hobbes, and uses his laser vision. Dark Hobbes deflects it, but Stupendous Man flies out of the way. Spiff pulls him into the box.)

Hobbes: We have to retreat. He's too powerful. Calvin? Floor it.

Calvin: Good idea.

(The box flies away. Dark Hobbes pulls out his phone.)

Dark Hobbes: They're taken care of. I'm on my way.

(Dark Hobbes flies away.)

Scene 21: The real creator
(Back in Magical Tiger's house, Magical Tiger cooks some soup, Calvin, Hobbes, Zoe, and Spiff sit on the counter, Stupendous Man punches a punching bag outside, and Tag stands over Avery.)

Calvin: I can't believe it. Tracer and Avery...dead.

Tag: No. Avery is not dead. I will not let this happen. She was my only friend.

Hobbes: Gee, this whole day has been wild.

Spiff: All this happened in a day? I find that very hard to believe.

Zoe: Now what?

Magical Tiger: Have some more soup. It will help you feel better.

(Magical Tiger pours some soup in a bowl as Stupendous Man walks in.)

Stupendous Man: If only I could have killed Dark Hobbes then and there.

Spiff: You came close, pal.

Stupendous Man: AH! Don't you get it, Spiff? We lost. Now Dark Hobbes is going to destroy the world!

Tag: Will you guys be quiet? I can't hear her heartbeat!

Hobbes: Oh, shove it. We're having a memorial!

Tag: YOU SHOVE IT!

Magical Tiger: OK, we can resolve our differences later. Let us prepare for the funeral.

(Suddenly, the doorbell rings.)

Magical Tiger: I got it.

(Magical Tiger opens the door to see a hooded figure, drenched from the rain.)

Magical Tiger: A guest. Please, come in.

(Magical Tiger leads the figure to the room.)

Calvin: Please, state your business.

(The figure takes off her hood, revealing Rosalyn.)

Calvin: ROSALYN?

Rosalyn: Yeah, hey, Calvin.

Calvin: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Rosalyn: Listen, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Calvin: For what? Abusing me?

Rosalyn: No, for creating Dark Calvin.

All: WHAT?

Rosalyn: Years ago, when I was babysitting Calvin, he called my ex-boyfriend Charlie, and said I killed a kid. Since that day, I had been creating Dark Calvin so I can get revenge, but I didn't realize how bad it would get.

Tag: Wait, so you're responsible for Avery's death?

Avery: Who's death?

(Tag turns and hugs Avery.)

Tag: OH MY GOD! AVERY! YOU'RE ALIVE!

Avery: Um, who are you? And who are you? Who are all you guys?

Magical Tiger: The laser must have given her amnesia. Hold on.

(Magical Tiger grabs a potion and gives it to Avery.

Magical Tiger: Drink this, you'll be returned to normal.

(Avery does so, and comes to her senses.)

Avery: Wow. That was nuts.

Tag: I'm so glad you're alive.

Hobbes: So, Rosalyn, to set the record straight, you made Dark Calvin, but he overpowered you?

Rosalyn: In a way, yeah. Charlie is now on Jupiter, with a girl named Susie and her stuffed rabbit.

Calvin: That was the business she was talking about.

Zoe: Alright, cool, we have our mission. Let's roll.

Spiff: And we have a ride there.

(Spiff presses a button on some keys and his spaceship gets parked right outside.)

Spiff: All aboard.

Zoe: When did you have a star cruiser?

Calvin: No time for staring in amazement. We have a plot to foil.

(Everyone boards the ship, and it takes off.)

Scene 22: The last fight
(Cut to a base on Jupiter. Charlie, Susie, Mr. Bun, and Dark Hobbes all work on a Doomsday machine.)

Charlie: Thanks for the plans, Dark Hobbes.

Dark Hobbes: No problem. Now that my master has died, I'm a lone wolf.

Susie: Soon, plan XY-C will commence.

Mr. Bun: Here's a wrench for you, Charlie.

Charlie: Thank you, rabbit.

Susie: Is everything in place?

Dark Hobbes: As far as I can see. Soon, the whole world will be destroyed. Mr. Bun? Can you do the countdown?

Mr. Bun: Sure thing! Lights...camera...

(The heroes burst through the door.)

Calvin: Action.

Spiff: ATTACK!

(Spiff runs into battle, and then fires his lasers.)

Charlie: AMBUSH! Assume battle stations!

Susie: Yes, sir!

Dark Hobbes: I'll handle them...

(Hobbes pounces on Dark Hobbes, and they get into a brawl.)

Stupendous Man: Nice work, Hobbes.

(Stupendous Man fires his lasers at a turret manned by Mr. Bun. Avery and Zoe tag team Susie, Tag and Magical Tiger join Hobbes in fighting Dark Hobbes, and Calvin, Rosalyn, and Spiff work with Charlie.)

Rosalyn: Seriously, Charlie? All this because Calvin told you I killed a kid?

Charlie: Well, I can't date psychopaths!

Spiff: Look who's talking, nerd!

(Spiff blasts Charlie away, and then Rosalyn dropkicks him.)

Charlie: GAH! CLEATS!

(Meanwhile, Susie and Mr. Bun are knocked out. Only Dark Hobbes remains, but he has thrown all the tigers off him.)

Dark Hobbes: It's time to end this.

(Dark Hobbes knocks the other heroes out before Calvin remains.)

Dark Hobbes: Well, look at this. Calvin is the last one. Good.

Calvin: Don't test me, Dark Hobbes. You have no idea what I can do.

(Calvin presses his head and then a laser comes out of his head. Dark Hobbes grabs his own laser beam and fires it. As everyone watches, intense music plays and there is sort of a tug of war with the lasers. Eventually, Calvin's laser gets closer to Dark Hobbes.)

Dark Hobbes: No...no...NO!!!

(Calvin's laser hits Dark Hobbes, making him explode. A smoke cloud appears, and when the smoke clears, everyone gets up and looks at where Dark Hobbes used to be.)

Avery: Did we just win?

Tag: Looks like it.

Magical Tiger: YES! I taught you very well, Calvin.

Calvin: Thanks, Magical Tiger.

Hobbes: I'm proud of you, buddy.

Calvin: Couldn't have done it without you, Hobbes.

Spiff: Well, let's go home.

Calvin: Sure.

(All the heroes walk out the door, while Fear Inoculum by TOOL plays during the credits.)