Calvin and Hobbes 2: World Tour Transcript

Scene 1: Duplicate 7
(Shows Duplicate 7 taking Mecha Calvin and Robo Hobbes back to his lab.)

Duplicate 7: The remains of Mecha Calvin and Robo Hobbes. Just what I need...

(He works on them and is seen putting the finishing touches on them)

Duplicate 7: Perfect! The new and improved robots are ready for combat!

Hugh: (Walks in) Hey boss, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and milkshake for you, you want it?

Duplicate 7: (Grabs Milkshake) I'll take the Milkshake, but I'd rather have a BLT Hugh. You know I'm allergic to peanuts.

Hugh: Sir, a BLT is a sandwich.

Duplicate 7: JUST GO MAKE IT!

Hugh: Okay, I'll go make one. (Leaves)

Duplicate 7: Jack!

Jack: Yeah boss?

Duplicate 7: Start up Mecha-Calvin 2.0 and Ultra-Robo-Hobbes 2.0 for me.

Jack: I'm on it boss. (Presses button that brings the two robots to life)

Duplicate 7: Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Robot Henchman: Excuse me Master Duplicate 7, but we managed to bust Dr. Scientist out of prison.

Duplicate 7: Brilliant! The world will soon be mine! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

(Cuts to black and the opening credits roll, which is a direct parody of the Neon Genesis Evangilion opening)

20th Century Fox Presents...

A Bad Robot Production...

A Steven Spielberg film...

Calvin and Hobbes 2: World Tour

Tom Kenny...

Owen Wilson...

Paul Rudd...

James Franco...

Michael J. Fox...

Ice Cube...

Michael Cera...

Seth MacFarlane...

Richard Gere...

David Spade...

Steve Carell...

with Elijah Wood...

and Ralph Macchio...

Casting by Nick Davis

Music by John Williams

Costumes Designed by Banana Republic

Edited by Ian Reynolds

Production Designed by Jeff Mann

Photography Directed by John Toll

Executive Produced by Justin Theroux

Screenplay by Steven Spielberg and Jon Vitti

Produced by Bill Watterson, Justin Theroux and Ben Stiller

Directed by Steven Spielberg

(After opening credits, cuts to Calvin and Hobbes walking through town)

Scene 2: The Little League Baseball Game
Calvin: Ahh! This is the life! Spending time doing absolutely nothing when we have nothing to do!

Hobbes: That sentence made no sense at all.

Calvin: Shut up furball. (Sees convenience store) Hey! Lets stop in there and get some snacks!

Hobbes: I'm for it!

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes walking through the park with various snacks)

Calvin: Saving the world sure does pay.

Hobbes: You bet it does.

(Calvin sees Little League game beginning to start)

Calvin: Hey Hobbes, I got a good idea.

Hobbes: What would that be.

Calvin: Just go pounce those umps over there and bring their clothes back.

Hobbes: Uh, okay.

(Hobbes leaves, with screams heard in the background, and Hobbes comes back with two umpire uniforms)

Hobbes: So are we going to work this game?

Calvin: Yeah, lets have some fun and show them whose boss.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes on the field)

Calvin: Play Ball!

(Pitcher throws a ball that goes over Calvin's head)

Calvin: Strike 1!

Coach: WHAT?! HOW ON EARTH IS THAT A STRIKE?! YOUR BLIND!

Calvin: HEY! DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY! YOUR EJECTED!

Coach: WHAT?! ARE YOU INSANE?!

Calvin: YOUR THE INSANE ONE! NOW GET OUT BEFORE I HAVE MY TIGER POUNCE YOU!

Coach: Fine, fine.... (Walks away)

(Pitcher throws a ball that goes to Calvin's feet)

Calvin: Strike 2!

Batter: WHAT?!

Calvin: YOUR EJECTED!

Batter: FOR WHAT?!

Calvin: FOR DISRESPECTING ME!

Parent: GET THIS UMP!

Calvin: Oh crud.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes running away from an angry mob, before turning onto their street and loosing them)

Hobbes: That was too close for comfort.

Calvin: This is why I don't play organized sports, there's always someone yelling at you. Lets go home and watch some TV.

Scene 3: The OTSTTS
(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes watching TV)

Calvin: Ahh! This is the life! Nothing to do at all!

(Doorbell rings)

Dad: I'll get it. (Opens door) Can I help you.

Man in a Suit: I'm looking for a Calvin and Hobbes. I need them to come with me on official top secret buisness.

Dad: Uh, okay. I'll go get them.

Calvin: Who's that?

Dad: Some guy in a suit wants you and your tiger to come with him.

Calvin: Great, just when I thought I could watch TV until I pass out.

(Calvin and Hobbes walk outside)

Man: Are you Calvin and Hobbes?

Calvin: Yes.

Man: Hop in my car.

(Cuts to the Man's Car pulling into the OTSTTS)

Calvin: OTSTTS? What kind of name is that?

Man: It stands for Organization That Stops Threats to Society Sir.

Hobbes: Huh, boy, that's some name.

Calvin: G.R.O.S.S. is a better name than this.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes being led to a long hallway with a big door)

Man: (Opens the door) The Director will now see you two, have fun.

(Calvin and Hobbes walk in, and the door shuts behind them)

Hobbes: Do you think he was being sarcastic?

Calvin: Who knows.

(Calvin and Hobbes walk toward desk, and the Director Turns around and reveals himself)

Director: Well hello there. I am the Director of the OTSTTS. You must be Calvin and Hobbes, the two that stopped that mad scientist and his duplicates.

Calvin: That would be us. Those chumps couldn't handle us. Now they are rotting in prison for the rest of their miserable lives.

Director: Erm, about that. Our agents have discovered that Duplicate Number 7 has broken Dr. Scientist out of prison, and now they have began building a robotic empire and have been sending them all over the world to take over the world.

Calvin and Hobbes in unison: WHAT?!

Hobbes: You never told me there was another duplicate!

Calvin: I DIDN'T KNOW! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!

Hobbes: YOUR THE CREATOR! YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN!

Calvin: IT HAD TO OF BEEN AN INCOMPLETE DUPLICATE!

Director: Stop arguing!

(Calvin and Hobbes silence.)

Director: If they escaped, we need you to stop them. They are currently hiding here.

(The Director points at a giant screen, where an image of Hollywood pops up.)

Calvin: Hey, cool! Hollywood!

Director: We have word that a henchman of the incomplete duplicate is hiding on the Sony Pictures Lot.

Hobbes: We'll do it.

Director: Excellent. But before you go, we've given you some things that will help you on your journey...

(The Director presses a button on his desk and a wagon, a box, and various gadgets appear)

Calvin: Woah! Cool!

Hobbes: Uh, this stuff looks awfully familiar...

Director: Well, these are OTSTTS standard gadgets and objects. So the wagon and box we've provided have several technological advancements.

Calvin: Cool! I can't wait to use them all and launch my plan for global domination with these babies! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

(The Director and Hobbes roll their eyes)

Calvin: Cmon Hobbes! Times a-wasting! We got henchmen to get rid of! Places to save! Movie and TV deals to make!

Hobbes: Alright, alright. I'm coming...

(Hobbes hops in)

Director: Good luck you two don't-

(Calvin presses a button on a wagon and they fly up and crash through the roof and zoom off)

Director: -let us down... (Sighs) There goes my chances of my insurance getting lowered...

Scene 4: The fight at Sony Pictures Stuidos
(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes flying on the wagon, Hobbes is reading a map)

Hobbes: So after we get rid of this henchman of this duplicate of yours, what do you wanna do to kill some time and let loose?

Calvin: Well, considering this dude is at Sony Picture Studios, maybe we go see some tapings of Jeopardy! or Wheel of Fortune?

Hobbes: I was more thinking The Price is Right.

Calvin: But that's not even in Sony Pictures Hobbes! We could get free tickets once we get rid of that nutcase!

(Calvin and Hobbes crash into the Hollywood sign, they fall down and crash onto a sidwalk, while the Hollywood sign falls down)

Hobbes: Good going...

Calvin: Well its not MY fault you didn't tell me that I wasn't going to crash into the Hollywood sign!

Hobbes: Actually it is...

Calvin: Shut up, furball.

(The Sony Pictures Lot roams dead ahead.)

Hobbes: There it is. The Sony lot.

Calvin: According to my calculations, the henchman is in the Sony Pictures Animation Lot.

Hobbes: Great. The animation studio that produces the worst animated films.

Calvin: You liked Hotel Transylvania.

Hobbes: Indeed I did.

Calvin: Let's get him.

(Hugh is sneaking around the Sony Pictures Animation Lot.)

Hugh: OK. Duplicate 7 said to wreak havoc, so I might as well interrupt a voice recording session for Hotel Transylvania 3!

(Hugh opens a door to a voice recording for Hotel Transylvania 3, where Adam Sandler is recording his lines.)

Sandler: I need a break.

Hugh: NO YOU DON'T!!

Genndy Tartakovsky: CUT! What the heck? Who are you?

Hugh: I am Hugh of Duplicate 7's army!

Sandler: Genndy, would you get him out?

Tartakovsky: My pleasure.

(Tartakovsky inches towards Hugh, in a fighting stance.)

Hugh: Come get some!

(Hugh pulls out a ray gun and shoots Tartakovsky into a wall. Then the wagon bursts throughthe ceiling and almost crushes Sandler.)

Sandler: Whoa! What was that?

Calvin: The set for a giant battle.

Sandler: What's that supposed to mean?

Calvin: It means that I've come to beat up this moron of some duplicate I didn't know exsisted.

Hugh: Gah! I spiky haired kid with a tiger! Oh wait! You kinda look like my boss!

Calvin: Geez, how dumb are you? I'M HIS CREATOR!

Hugh: Wait? Dupe 7 isn't human?

Calvin: NO! HE'S-Well, I guess he is, even though he's technically a duplicate.

Hugh: He's a duplicate?! Of who?

Hobbes: I don't think this "evil" duplicate of yours has any good henchmen.

Calvin: Ya think?

(Eye of the Tiger by Survivor starts to play.)

Hugh:: Meh, I'll just destroy you anyway. Eat this! (Throws microphone at Calvin)

Calvin: Ow! Why you little-

Sandler: I'm gonna go call the police now...

Hugh: Oh cool, I guess I had a laser gun on me and didn't notice. (Shoots it at Calvin, who uses a shield to protect himself)

Calvin: Nice try werido! Nobody defeats Calvin the Bold! (Shots laser gun, but Hugh misses)

Hugh: Ha! Missed me! (Gets pounced by Hobbes)

Calvin: Get that laser gun off him Hobbes!

(Hugh kicks Hobbes away and runs off)

Calvin: GET HIM! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY! (Calvin chases Hugh through the wall. Hobbes gets up and follows. Calvin tackles Hugh into the set of Venom.)

Calvin: DIE, HENCHMAN OF MY DUPE!

(Calvin kicks Hugh right into Tom Hardy, and Hugh fires back with his laser gun. The blast hits Ruben Fleischer. Calvin accidentally punches Riz Ahmed, who crashes on Hugh. Hobbes enters, and tackles Hugh. Sandler enters the studio.)

Sandler: Good lord! I greatly apologize, Mr. Fleischer. You two, how can I repay you?

Hobbes: Is he talking to us?

Sandler: You two! Boy and anthropomorpic and talking tiger! You saved my life and my next big sequel! How can I ever repay you?

Calvin: Hmm.... Just give us the amount of money you've handed out to chumps for the last 30 some years and you got a deal!

Sandler: Uhh.... Sure, I can work that out, I guess...

Calvin: Great! (Hands Sandler his address) Now if you excuse me, Hobbes and I got some buisness to attend to (Fly off in their box)

(Three officers arrive)

Officer 1: Alright, where's the guy at?

Sandler: Over there!

Officer 2: Alright, you're coming with us pal!

Hugh: But I didn't do anything! It was my boss' evil clone and some talking tiger!

Officer 3: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. Let's go.

Scene 5: The lab
(Duplicate 7 is working on something when his doors open. The silhouette of Dr. Scientist stands in the doorway.)

Dr. Scientist: Hello, Duplicate 7.

(Duplicate 7 turns around.)

Duplicate 7: Who do you think you are?

Dr. Scientist: (comes into the clearing) I am Dr. Murdoch Scientist, evil genius!

Duplicate 7: That's quite a name.

Dr. Scientist: Yeah. My parents made it up for me.

Duplicate 7: Wait, weren't you the guy I had busted out of prison?

Dr. Scientist: Yeah, those robots of yours are really good. You should've seen the faces of the guards! Ha!

Duplicate 7: OK...

Dr. Scientist: So, where are we going?

Duplicate 7: When Hugh gets back from Sony, then we'll go to Italy.

(A phone is heard ringing)

Duplicate 7: Gah... Who could be calling me right now?! Get that phone over there for me would ya Murdoch?

Dr. Scientist: Yeah sure thing (Hands to Dupe 7)

Duplicate 7: Who is this?

Hugh: Hey boss.

Duplicate 7: Hugh?! Why are you calling? Where are you??

Hugh: I'm calling from the county jail.

Duplicate 7: WHAT?! HOW IN WATTERSON'S NAME DID YOU GET ARRESTED?!

Hugh: Uh, some kid that looked like you and some tiger attacked me and got me stuck so I couldn't escape.

Duplicate: WHAT?! HOW DID TEO PEOPLE LIKE THEM BEAT YOU?!

Hugh: Beats me. So can you come and pay my $50,000 bail?

(Duplicate 7 angrily hangs up)

Dr. Scientist: Who was that?

Duplicate 7: Hugh. He got arrested thanks to somebody that he claims looked like me and a tiger.

Dr. Scientist: A kid that looks like you and a tiger?

Duplicate 7: Yeah... Don't know what he's been having lately.

Dr. Scientist: Oh boy, they're already on to us...

Duplicate 7: Who?

Dr. Scientist: (Pulls out a pitcher of Calvin and Hobbes) These two idiots. They were the reason my plans failed... Calvin and Hobbes there names are... Oh how I hate them...

Duplicate 7: CALVIN?! MY CREATOR?!

Dr. Scientist: He created you?!

Duplicate 7: YES HE DID! HE-You know what? I'll explain the whole thing to you later. JACK!

Jack: Yeah boss.

Duplicate 7: Listen here you idiot. Hugh got arrested in Hollywood, and I need you to break him out.

Jack: Isn't that kinda hard to do?

Duplicate 7: Not with my weaponry it better not! And if you don't get him back here in 24 hours, you two are both fired! Now get on it!

Jack: You can count on me boss! (Jack leaves)

Duplicate 7: I hired idiots...

Dr. Scientist: How about to pass the time, we prepare those robots of yours with some target practice when anyone tries to attack them?

Duplicate 7: Eh, sure. Why not? (Laughs evilly with Dr. Scientist)

Scene 6: The jailbreak
(Hugh is sitting in a jail cell.)

Hugh: Hey, copper! I'm bored!

Guard: Here's a plate of dinner. Eat up. (throws a plate of mush at Hugh.)

Hugh: Great. Prison food.