Brainstorm Game Show Failures Transcript

(Episode starts with Calvin and Hobbes tied to a giant nuclear rocket, with Dr. Brainstorm laughing manically)

Dr. B: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHH!! WOOHHOOOOOOOOWOOHOO!! FINALLY! I'VE WAITED YEARS FOR THIS MOMENT! FINALLY I'LL BE RID OF YOU CALVIN! AND YOUR ALIEN TIGER TO!

Hobbes: I still can't believe we actually fell for that trap of his.

Calvin: Well YOUR the one who suggested we go look, and now look what's happened! Not that its really going to matter anyway.

Hobbes: True, this is Frank we're talking about here.

Dr. B: DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!

Calvin: Whatever. Just get this over with, I'm bored.

Dr. B: JACK!

Jack: (Sips drink) Yes?

Dr. B: LAUNCH THE COUNTDOWN!

Jack: Can you stop screaming like a loon for a minute maybe?

Dr. B: Well sorry, I've waited forever for this moment! Then I'll finally have a clear path to take over the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hobbes: He needs to see an actual doctor.

(Jack starts the countdown from 10, and then when it hits 0, nothing happens)

Calvin: You sure you did this correctly Frank?

Dr. B: DOCTOR BRAINSTORM! And yes this was done right! JACK!

Jack: What now?

Dr. B: Go see why this hasn't blasted these two off yet!

Jack: How should I know Frank? You made it. And you expecting me to do it for you isn't helping.

Dr. B: DOCTOR BRAINSTORM! And just do it! I made you! Do it or this will go into my report!

Jack: (Sarcastic) Oh no, anything but that. I shall abide to your request master.

Dr. B: Much better...

Jack: Uh, you may want to come look at this, its in the launcher I think.

Dr. B: Why?! What's wrong with it!

(They look inside, and see that the launchers have been blocked with some sort of cork)

Dr. B: WE'VE BEEN SABOTAGED! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! DAYS OF PLANNING GONE TO-

(Corks fall off and hit Dr. Scientist)

Dr. B: YES! NOW TO GET RID OF THEM!

(Dr. Brainstorm runs up to see that Calvin and Hobbes have escaped)

Dr. B: WHAT THE?! WHERE'D THEY GO?! HOW'D THEY ESCAPE?!

Andy: Oh, we untied them while you and Jack were looking at the launcher.

Dr. B: WHAT?! GET BACK HERE!

(Dr. Brainstorm jumps on the rocket, but then Socrates presses the emergency launch button and Dr. Scientist is launched away on the rocket.)

Calvin: Good thing you found that emergency launcher Sherman, or else who knows what would've happened.

Sherman: Eh, I'd rather he blow up some place else with that rocket except here.

Jack: Well, I better teleport myself back home and listen to him whine and complain like normal. See ya guys.

All: See ya Jack.

Calvin: Calvinball anyone?

Andy: Sure.

Hobbes: Why not?

Socrates: I call dibs on the whole field being a prank zone!

Calvin: No its not Socrates!

(Jack teleport himself back to the lab, which is now severely damaged and in shambles and debris, with some computers and other things still managing to work)

Jack: Woah.

Dr. B: (On phone) WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WON'T COVER MY INSURANCE?! DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW EXPENSIVE THIS STUFF IS! NO! I WON'T STOP SCREAMING! (Slams phone down in anger)

Jack: Dare I ask what happened?

Dr. B: I tried controlling that stupid rocket, but it ended up crashing into my lab! And my insurance company won't pay up the money to get it all repaired. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

Jack: Get a job?

Dr. B: Your not helping at all Jack, not to mention this is mostly your fault. I'm afraid this will have to go into my report.

(Jack rolls his eyes)

Jack: So what were you planning on doing?

Dr. B: Simple! I'm going to go on Jeopardy! (Dials phone)

Jack: You on Jeopardy! would probably cause everyone in there to go insa-

Dr. B: (On phone) Hello yes, I'm wondering when the next auditions to become a contestant on Jeopardy! are.

Contestant Coordinator: Probably not until next year sometime sir.

Dr. B: NEXT YEAR?! I NEED MONEY NOW! PLEASE! I'LL HAVE A STREAK LONGER THAN KEN JENNINGS EVER WOULD'VE DREAMED OF!

(Dr. Brainstorm gets hung up on)

Dr. B: Unreal! Well, I guess this only means one thing...

Jack: Accept defeat and maybe do something normal?

Dr. B: Shut up Jack, and pack your bags while your at it. We're going to California!

Jack: So you can hypnotize people into letting you on Jeopardy!?

Dr. B: What? No, I'm going to go on The Price is Right!

Jack: Oh boy...

(Cuts to Dr. Brainstorm and Jack sitting in the audience on The Price is Right)

Dr. B: Oh man, they better say I'm the next contestant, or else I won't even get the chance to get any money!

Jack: Frank, I'd say just suggest defeat and maybe get a job, you have a better chance of-

Announcer: Franklin Brainstorm come on down! Your the next contestant on The Price is Right!

Dr. B: YES! HA WOOO!! (Runs down to Contestant's row) AND IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!

Jack: I hope Drew Carey took some aspirin...

Drew Carey: Alright Frank-

Dr. B: DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!

DC: Er, Dr. Brainstorm.... welcome! Lets see what you and the others will be bidding on for the last time today.

Announcer: Its a brand new Rolex Watch!

(Announcer is heard describing the watch in the background, while Brainstorm uses a device that gives him the exact price for it.)

Drew: Alright Fra- Dr. Brainstorm, what's your bid?

Dr. B: $707!

Drew: Alright, Tom?

Tom: $1!

Dr. B: That watch isn't worth a dollar you dummy!

(Drew Carey and the other two contestants are heard in the background)

Tom: Its a strategy people use! Ever watched the show before?

Dr. B: Yes! Well, a few times but-

(Rings are heard)

Drew: Oh! Well you know what that means! Someone got the exact price! Alright, actual retail price..$707! Come on up Doctor Brainstorm!

Dr. B: HA! OH YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! TOLD YA JACK!

(Jack sips his drink and rolls his eyes)

Drew: Alright! Welcome to the show Dr. Brainstorm! Glad to have you!

Dr. B: Why thank you Drew, I am looking forward to win big on your show, so I can repair my lab to take over the- I mean continue my scientific research!

(Jack facepalms)

Drew: Well that's great to hear Dr. Brainstorm! Tell him what he's playing for George!

Announcer: Its a brand new car!

Dr. B: Interesting...

Jack: Maybe this will inspire him to actually play fair...

(Shows Dr. Brainstorm cheating his way to win the game, and even rigging it to win on the wheel.)