Calvin and Hobbes (First Draft) transcript

This is the transcript for Calvin and Hobbes (First Draft).

Scene 1: Introduction
(Four comic panels appear in the same format of a Calvin and Hobbes strip.)

Narrator: This is Calvin. Calvin is a six-year-old who didn't have any friends. What he did have was many enemies, like Susie and Rosalyn. Calvin pulled lots of pranks on them.

(As the narrator talks, Calvin appears in the first panel, Susie appears in the second panel, and Rosalyn appears in the third panel. Calvin throws a water balloon at Susie, and then picks up a cell phone and makes a call as Charlie appears in the fourth panel.)

Calvin: Hello? Is this Charlie? Rosalyn's boyfriend? Great! Are you aware that your girlfriend killed a kid?

Charlie: WHAT?!

(Charlie calls Rosalyn.)

Charlie: Roz, I'm dumping you. I can't date child killers.

Rosalyn: NOOOO!!!

Narrator: Despite all that, Calvin felt like he was missing something. He thought it was adventure, so he created alter egos.

(Calvin turns into Spaceman Spiff, then Stupendous Man, then the Calvinosaurus, and finally Tracer Bullet.)

Narrator: But there was still something missing. Then he realized it- he was lonely. So he set a tiger trap to catch a tiger to be his friend.

(A tree appears next to Calvin. He climbs it and sets a snare trap. As Calvin walks away, Hobbes gets caught in the trap. Calvin grins and releases Hobbes. The tree, Susie, Rosalyn, and Charlie vanish as Calvin and Hobbes get in the wagon and ride through all four panels. Eventually, they go off-panel and reappear in the first panel standing next to the Duplicator and the Transmogrifier Gun.)

Narrator: Calvin was a very inventive six-year-old. And he always wanted to test his inventions. This didn't always end well for poor Calvin.

(Calvin makes five Duplicates, who run into the other panels, where a lamp, the cookie jar, and the TV appear. The Duplicates steal the cookies, smash the lamp, and watch TV, and when Calvin's mom storms in, they hide in the Duplicator. Calvin's mom yells at Calvin and leaves, and the Duplicates come out of the box and laugh at Calvin. Calvin uses the Transmogrifier Gun to turn the Duplicates into worms, which slither away as Calvin and Hobbes hug.)

Narrator: That wasn't the end, though. Not by a long shot. For, you see-

Calvin: Okay, that's it! Unseen narrator, you're fired! Hobbes and I are taking over this movie and telling it as an actual movie, not a comic book!

(In 3D-Animation, the opening title appears.)

Scene 2: A New Enemy
(Cut to a tropical island. Five worms emerge from the ground.)

Worm 1: Well, here we are! The science labs of Panama! They have the technology to turn us into humans again!

Worm 4: Finally! I'll be able to get back my popularity with the ladies!

Worm 3: You guys-

Worm 5: Finally! I'll be able to beat up those idiots from Calvin's hometown!

Worm 3: You guys-

Worm 2: Finally! I'll be able to get my own personality!

Worm 3: YOU GUYS! We're on a tropical island.

Worm 1: Whoops. My bad. Well, Panama can't be too far from here, right?

Worm 5: How do you even know that Panama has enough technology to turn us into people?

Worm 1: They made the Infinity Panama, didn't they?

Worm 2: The Infinity Panama's just an urban legend!

Worm 1: No it's not!

Worm 4: How do you know?

Worm 1: Bigfoot told me so!

(Worm 1 gets beaten up by the other four worms.)

Worm 3: Okay, I'm the leader now, and I say we look for food.

Cloaked Figure: What about your goal of becoming human again?

(The worms jump.)

Worm 3: Who are you? And why were you spying on us?

Cloaked Figure: I'm spying on you because I think we can help each other. You want to become human, and I want a certain potion.

(The Cloaked Figure taps a knot on a tree, and a platform that the Cloaked Figure and the worms are standing on recedes into the ground. The platform arrives in a large underground room.)

Cloaked Figure: Welcome to my lair.

Worm 2: Woah! Is that-

Cloaked Figure: -a pit of electric eels? Yes.

Worm 5: Woah! Is that-

Cloaked Figure: -a massage throne? Yes.

Worm 4: Woah! Is that-

Cloaked Figure: -the machine that created you? Yes. It was easy to obtain. The child who made it threw it out after he made you.

Worm 1: That's really mean. (sniffs) I feel violated. BOO-HOO-HOO!

(Worm 5 slaps Worm 1.)

Cloaked Figure: I added a reset button. Whenever I press it, it turns everything it created into their original form.

(The worms rejoice.)

Worm 1: Yaaay!

Cloaked Figure: It also puts them under my control for the rest of their lives.

Worm 1: Yaaay!

Worm 3: Wait, what-

(Cloaked Figure hits the reset button. The worms turn back into Duplicates and salute.)

All Dupes: Awaiting your instructions.

Cloaked Figure: Find Calvin and Hobbes. They will lead you to the potion I need.

All Dupes: YES SIR!

(The Dupes run off.)

Cloaked Figure: Soon, Plan XY will be complete.

Scene 3: Morning of Mayhem
(Cut to Calvin and Hobbes waking up.)

Hobbes: Morning!

Calvin: Mff. Whaever.

Hobbes: Guess you had a bad night. Well, I know what'll cheer you up! Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs!

(They go downstairs and Calvin makes himself a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. Before he can eat, his dad grabs the bowl.

Dad: Calvin, that cereal is pure sugar. Here, have some Pulp N' Stuff. Much more fiber.

Calvin: Pulp N' Stuff is disgusting!

Dad: It builds character.

Mom: Just give him back his bowl, he already poured the cereal.

Dad: But dear-

Mom: Give him the bowl.

Dad: But-

Mom: NOW!!!

(Dad reluctantly passes Calvin the cereal. He quickly gobbles it up as Hobbes swipes Calvin's dad's coffee and takes a big sip. Calvin and Hobbes go outside.)

Calvin: I notice you weren't much help.

Hobbes: Oh, lay off. I hadn't had coffee yet.

Calvin: I've got a plan to prank Susie.

Hobbes: Great! Let's get ready!

(Cut back to Calvin's parents. Mom is reading the newspaper).

Mom: This is an interesting article.

Dad: What's it about?

Mom: The Infinity Panama.

Dad: Honey, that thing doesn't exist! I mean, if Panama had access to something that could store an infinite amount of data, they'd be their own country, and a rich one at that!

Mom: Just because the data chip can store an infinite amount of data doesn't mean the device you plug it into can. And it is theoretically possible.

(Cut back to Calvin and Hobbes. They paint Calvin's hoodie and pants a dark blue, the exact same color of Susie's house. Calvin puts up the hood and they walk over to the fence separating their houses. Susie is having a tea party with Mr. Bun.)

Susie: More tea, Mr. Bun?

(Hobbes lifts Calvin over the fence. Calvin runs over to Susie's house and walks sideways toward the porch with his back turned to Susie, appearing to be part of the wall. Susie doesn't notice a thing as Calvin gets onto the porch and reaches for the sprinkler controls.)

Susie: Would you like some cookies, Mr. Bun?

(The sprinklers turn on and soak her.)

Susie: AAAAAAAAAHH!

Calvin: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man, that was great! You should've seen the look on your fa- uh oh.

(Susie chases Calvin around her yard. He runs for the fence, and manages to climb it.)

Hobbes: Sorry I couldn't get there in time. You and Susie were just going so fast.

Calvin: Save it, hairball.

Hobbes: Okay, what's the deal? You've been grouchy all morning.

Calvin: What's the deal?! I'll tell you what's the deal. I'm talking to an inanimate stuffed tiger, that's the deal.

Hobbes: Why would you think that?

Calvin: Because no one besides me ever talks to you, because you're never there when I need saving from a bully, and because kids at school always make fun of me for having imaginary friends when my only friend is you.

Hobbes: Okay, I admit it. I'm a stuffed tiger. But I wasn't always.

Calvin: Tell me more.

Hobbes: I used to be a real tiger, but I didn't like the way my life was, so I summoned the Magic Tiger from my father's legends. Magic Tiger gave me a potion that was supposed to make my dreams come true, but a side effect was that I got turned into a stuffed animal. Since you have a good imagination, you can see through the spell, but no one else can.

Calvin: Did you say there was a Magic Tiger? Maybe he can reverse the spell.

Hobbes: Sounds like a plan.

Calvin: So, where do we go to meet this Magic Tiger?

Hobbes: We don't go to him, he comes to us.

Scene 4: Magic Tiger
(Time cut. Calvin and Hobbes have dragged the hall mirror into the front yard and drawn a circle around it. The circle has lines connected to strange symbols marking north, south, east, and west. They place a candle on each of the symbols and light the candles.)

Hobbes: Magic Tiger, I summon you.

(Streaks of fire shoot out of the candles and into the mirror. Soon all the mirror shows is fire. Magic Tiger emerges from the mirror.)

Calvin: I take it you're Magic Tiger.

Magic Tiger: Indeed.

Hobbes: Do you remember me? You made me into a stuffed animal in exchange for my dreams coming true. Now, I want you to make me a tiger again.

Magic Tiger: I have already helped you once. If you wish for me to do so again, you must prove yourself.

Calvin: Can't you make an exception?

Magic Tiger: No. If exceptions were made, it would create sloth.

Calvin: (sigh) Fine. How do we prove ourselves?

Magic Tiger: Climb the tallest mountain in the world to show me your dedication to your goal. I have placed a potion that will make you a real tiger on that mountain.

Hobbes: Wait, what's the tallest mountain in the world? And how do we climb it if it's so tall?

Magic Tiger: That is for you to find out.

Calvin: But how are we supposed to find the potion if you've basically stacked the deck against us?

Magic Tiger: You aren't SUPPOSED to have access to magic! It lets people seize the stars, instead of dreaming about doing such!

Calvin: But isn't it a good thing for people to achieve their dreams?

Magic Tiger: Of course not! It creates sloth and ego! It is my duty to protect the weak mankind from such evils!

Hobbes: (under his breath) He's one to talk about ego.

Calvin: If you think magic is so bad, why do you keep making potions?

(Magic Tiger goes back into the mirror as the fire in the mirror goes back to the candles.)

Calvin: AAAAAAARRGH! Who does that guy think he is, Jehovah!?

Hobbes: He is pretty annoying, but it's not a good idea to tick off tiger genies, unless you want to get turned into a frog.

Calvin: Okay, what's the tallest mountain in the world?

Hobbes: Let's go to the library and look it up.

(As Calvin and Hobbes leave, we see the Dupes hiding in a bush videotaping them.)

Dupe 4: I can't believe they didn't notice us at all! What are they, blind?

Dupe 1: Hee hee! Ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H-

(Dupe 5 slaps Dupe 1.)

Dupe 3: Okay guys, we know where the tallest mountain in the world is, so let's get going?

Dupe 2: How do we get there, though? It's on the other side of the planet.

Dupe 3: With jetpacks, how else?

Scene 5: The Library
(Cut to Calvin and Hobbes in the library. They walk up to Susie.)

Calvin: Hey Susie, what're you reading? Stuff about the Infinity Panama?

Susie: The Infinity Panama is just an urban legend!

Calvin: Yeah, but... being able to hack into any computer in the world? Awesome! And enhancing websites sounds pretty cool. I could use it for movie channels!

Susie: If you just came to bug me even more, you have three seconds to get out before your face gets up close and personal with my book.

Calvin: Actually, we're here to figure out what the tallest mountain in the world is.

Susie: That's easy! Mount Everest! Everyone knows that!

Calvin: Great! Let's go!

(Calvin and Hobbes go to a table with a globe.)

Susie: Well, if that idiot is going to try to go to Mount Everest, that's good news for me. Maybe I can have a tea party with Mr. Bun without any interruptions now.

Calvin: We'd better figure out where Mount Everest is.

Hobbes: Looks like it's in the Himalayas.

Calvin: Great! We can get there easy! All we have to do is hail a taxi!

Hobbes: Taxis can't go on water. We need a plane.

Calvin: I'll try and convince Dad.

(They leave.)

Scene 6: The Start Of The Quest
(Cut to Calvin's room. Calvin and Hobbes packing a bunch of powdered coffee and cookies into Calvin's backpack. Calvin goes downstairs.)

Calvin: Hey Dad, could we go on a plane trip?

Dad: I'd love to! Where to? Florida? Montana?

Calvin: The Himalayas.

Dad: Wow. That's quite a ways. I'll try to arrange a flight, but it could take a while. Pack your warmest clothes.

Calvin: Can't we go right now?

Dad: I'm afraid that's not how the world works.

Calvin: Fine. (goes upstairs) Hobbes, Dad's not gonna help us. Time for Plan B.

Hobbes: Ugh, I hate Plan B.

Calvin: Don't cats always land on their feet?

Hobbes: You can file that next to the Infinity Panama on the myth shelf.

Calvin: Just hurry up and zap me!

(Hobbes pulls out the Transmogrifier Gun and opens the window. Calvin jumps out, and as he does so, Hobbes shoots him with the Transmogrifier Gun and turns him into a Pterodactyl.)

Calvin: WAHOO! I'M FLYING, BABY! LOOK AT ME FLYING!

(Dad comes in as Hobbes puts on Calvin's backpack and sticks in the Transmogrifier Gun.)

Dad: What's all the noise- AAAAAAAUUGH! HONEY! THERE'S A PTERODACTYL OUTSIDE! CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD!

Calvin: No Dad, it's me, Calvin! I used my Transmogrifier to become a Pterodactyl, and now Hobbes and I are going to go to the Himalayas!

Dad: I don't understand. What...

Calvin: Sorry, no time to explain more!

(Calvin grabs Hobbes and flies away. Cut to the garage. Dad runs in, gets in his car, and chases after Calvin.)

Dad: Get back here!

Scene 7: Himalayan Hijinks
(Cut to the Himalayas. Calvin is flying toward Mount Everest at top speed, despite powerful gusts of wind buffeting him. Eventually, he lands on Mount Everest and Hobbes turns him into a human wearing a parka.)

Calvin: Okay, let's climb this mountain!

(Shows montage of Calvin and Hobbes climbing Mount Everest and nearly falling several times. Eventually, they arrive at the top and see the potion on a stone pedestal.)

Calvin: Finally! The potion!

(The Dupes fly in with jetpacks.)

Calvin: YOU GUYS!

Dupe 3: YOU GUYS!

Hobbes: What the heck are you doing here?!

Dupe 4: We're here to get that potion!

Calvin: Sorry, it's ours.

Dupe 1: Okay, take it.

(Dupe 5 slaps Dupe 1.)

Dupe 2: Prepare to meet your maker!

(Hobbes pounces at the Duplicates, but Dupe 5 shoots him with a net launcher. The other Dupes take the potion, and they all fly away. Hobbes escapes the net using his claws.)

Calvin: They got away!

Hobbes: We need to know why they want that potion.

Calvin: I bet Magic Tiger knows. C'mon, let's head back to the house and get out the hall mirror.

Hobbes: Right!

(Calvin and Hobbes jump off the mountain and Hobbes turns Calvin into a Pterodactyl so he can fly away. Dad arrives in full climbing gear.)

Dad: Calvin! Come back! Ugh, I guess I'm going to have to chase him back to the U.S.

Scene 8: Save The World
(Cut to the front yard of Calvin's house. Calvin and Hobbes have gotten out the mirror, drawn the circle, and lit the candles.)

Hobbes: Magic Tiger, I summon you.

(The fire from the candles goes into the mirror and Magic Tiger comes out.)

Magic Tiger: I see you did not obtain the potion. Was the task too daunting?

Calvin: No, my dumb Duplicates stole the potion after we got to the top of Mount Everest!

Magic Tiger: Oh, no. The situation is worse than I feared.

Hobbes: What situation?

Magic Tiger: The Duplicates serve a man twice as evil as any fiend the world has ever known. His only goal... the complete destruction of the human race. That potion will allow him to complete Plan XY, a fiendish plan of his that will destroy the world and humanity with it.

Calvin: AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO MENTION THIS?!

Magic Tiger: You are only a child. You did not need to know of the danger posed by the Duplicates and their master, else you would be overcome with fear, which-

Calvin and Hobbes: (deadpan) Leads to sloth.

Calvin: Listen, it's my Duplicates. I'm not afraid of myself, and I've beaten them before, which means if anyone can stop them, I can.

Magic Tiger: Very well. However, the Duplicates' master has access to very powerful technology. You must gain more power if you are to stop him.

Calvin: Ooh, like magic?

Magic Tiger: No! I am the only one worthy of it!

Hobbes: So you're refusing us something. Isn't that sloth?

Magic Tiger: Of course not! I could never be guilty of such a crime!

Hobbes: But people might think you were. And they would stop coming to you for potions, which would give you less opportunity to profit.

Magic Tiger: Material wealth means nothing to me! But I suppose an exception can be made, just this once.

Calvin: But last time, you said (Hobbes covers Calvin's mouth with a paw) mrrg mrrgle gff!

(Magic Tiger conjures a shelf of potions and gives Calvin one of the potions.)

Magic Tiger: Here, this one will give you magic.

Calvin: Okay, here goes.

(Calvin drinks the potion.)

Calvin: Okay Hobbes, you're a real tiger now. Bippity-Boppity-Boo!

(Yellow light surrounds Hobbes.)

Hobbes: Did it work?

(A kid walks past the yard.)

Kid: AAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH! THERE'S A TIGER!

Calvin: I'd say it worked. Now, if we're going to find the Duplicates and their master, we're gonna need transportation-

(A store called Free Cape Included appears in a flash of yellow light.)

Hobbes: Free Cape Included? What's that?

Calvin: A store where you can by anything, and every purchase has a free cape with it. I made it up just now, and it came to life!

Hobbes: That could mean you can bring anything in your imagination to life!

(Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer Bullet appear in three yellow flashes.)

Spiff: Zounds! The intrepid Spaceman Spiff has been teleported to an unknown planet!

Hobbes: Unknown? This is Earth!

Spiff: Oh. It's good to be back! (kisses ground)

Stupendous Man: Evildoers! You have dragged Stupendous Man away from destroying homework designed to obliterate Stupendous Man's stupendous brainpower! Return me or face the consequences!

Calvin: We need your help to save the world, and when we're done, we'll send you right back.

Stupendous Man: Never mind.

Tracer: Aaaargh! So much color!

Magic Tiger: That is the last straw! You have squandered your magic, so I am taking it away!

(Yellow light surrounds Calvin for a second.)

Calvin: Hobbes, my magic's gone!

Hobbes: (to Magic Tiger) Are you crazy?! We need it!

Magic Tiger: You have proven yourself unworthy of it and will now save the world without it. It is better like this, besides. You will not develop sloth this way.

(Magic Tiger goes back into the mirror.)

Calvin: Jerk.

Hobbes: Listen up, you three. The world is in serious danger right now, so we're going to save it, and we need your help. Capeesh?

Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer: Capeesh.

Calvin: Now let's go find the Duplicates and their master.

Spiff: Too bad I don't have my ship. It had the galaxy's most powerful GPS.

Hobbes: Wait. Calvin, you did say Free Cape Included sold everything, right?

Calvin: Right.

Scene 9: Buying a Ship
(Calvin, Hobbes, Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer walk into Free Cape Included and ding the bell at the front desk. Bob walks up.)

Bob: Can I help you?

Calvin: Yeah, we'd like to buy a spaceship.

Bob: Third isle on the left. That'll be twenty bucks.

Calvin: Tracer, if you would...

Tracer: (sighs) I was hoping to spend this on a drink.

(Tracer hands over twenty bucks. Calvin, Hobbes, Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer walk through the third isle on the left and discover a ship looking exactly like Spiff's ship.)

Spiff: Wow! I was not expecting this to be here!

Calvin: Let's get going. We have a world to save.

(They all get in the ship and there are so many people in it that they are all pressed against the bubble dome. Spiff hits a button with a police box on it and the inside of the ship expands so they all have room but the outside stays the same. Bob runs up.)

Bob: Wait! You forgot your free cape!

Stupendous Man: Free cape? AWESOME! (puts on the cape)

Calvin: And AWAY WE GO!

(The ship blasts off as Dad runs in.)

Dad: Calvin wait- OH COME ON!

Scene 10: Dark Calvin
(Cut to the Cloaked Figure's evil lair. The Dupes give the Cloaked Figure the potion.)

Dupe 3: Here is the potion, as requested.

Cloaked Figure: Very good.

(The Cloaked Figure presses a button on a remote and a chemistry lab emerges from the floor. The Cloaked Figure pours a bit of the potion into a test tube full of a blue liquid. He adds a red chemical and the whole thing turns purple. He pours it on the floor, creating a purple puddle that recedes into a ball of purple goo. The ball of goo turns into Dark Calvin.)

Dark Calvin: I am Fearsome King DarkKid Calvinalter Richardo the III, the perfect clone of the child called Calvin and your obedient servant. You may call me Dark Calvin.

Cloaked Figure: Commence Plan XY. My minions have built a facility for you to use.

Dark Calvin: Perfect. The world will soon fall before us.

Scene 11: A New Recruit
(Cut to Susie and Mr. Bun having another tea party in their yard. Dark Calvin and the Cloaked Figure suddenly teleport into the yard using a teleportation device on the Cloaked Figure's wrist. The Cloaked Figure then teleports away.)

Susie: Calvin? Is that you?

Dark Calvin: No, I am Calvin's evil clone, dedicated to killing him and destroying the world. I would like you to be my apprentice, because I know how much you hate Calvin.

Susie: Not interested.

Dark Calvin: You'll get paid.

Susie: Not a fan of destroying the world, thanks.

Dark Calvin: If you don't join me, I'll kill you!

Susie: If you were okay with killing me, you wouldn't have asked me to be your apprentice.

Dark Calvin: You're good. BUT I'M BETTER!

(Dark Calvin puts a metal collar on Susie. It crackles with red electricity and she tries to take it off, but her eyes glow red and she stops.)

Susie: I am at your beck and call, master.

Dark Calvin: These mind-control collars work even better than I expected. Now to get another recruit.

(Dark Calvin pours the remainder of the potion on Mr. Bun, bringing him to life.)

Mr. Bun: Who?! What?! Where?! When?! How?! Why?!

(Dark Calvin puts a mind-control collar on Mr. Bun.)

Mr. Bun: I live to serve you, master.

Dark Calvin: Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!

Scene 12: Isla de Sombra
(Cut to the heroes in Spiff's ship, which is flying over the ocean. Hobbes is teaching Tracer about 21st-century technology.)

Tracer: So, to turn the phone on, I press this button, and then I type in the passcode to access the things on the phone.

Hobbes: Exactly! Now you've got it.

Tracer: But how do I turn it off?

Hobbes: Hit this button.

Tracer: (hits button) It's not turning off!

Hobbes: You need to hold it down.

Tracer: Oh. (holds down button) Now it won't turn back on!

Hobbes: You restarted it.

Tracer: This is so confusing!

Spiff: Only for morons.

Tracer: C'mere you-

(Stupendous Man holds Tracer back as Spiff activates the GPS.)

Spiff: Find Calvin's Duplicates, and be quick about it.

GPS: The *Duplicates* are on *Isla de Sombra*, an *island* in the *Gulf of Mexico*.

Calvin: That was quick.

Spiff: Galaxy's most powerful GPS, remember? Hang on, I got a warp drive.

(Spiff hits the warp drive button and the ship vanishes, only to reappear above Isla de Sombra.)

Hobbes: Now we just need a place to land.

(Cut to Dark Calvin's base. He is watching the heroes on a monitor.)

Dark Calvin: So they found us. Duplicates! Find them and capture Calvin!

All Dupes: Yes sir!

(They run off.)

Dark Calvin: Chef! Refreshments!

(Avery brings Dark Calvin a soft drink. Dark Calvin takes a sip and immediately starts breathing fire.)

Dark Calvin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! WHAT THE HECK WAS IN THAT THING?!

Avery: Oh, the usual. Caramel color, aspartame, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, and about thirteen ghost peppers.

Dark Calvin: DERKINS! BUN! TAKE THIS VERMIN TO A DUNGEON, LOCK HER UP, AND THROW AWAY THE KEY!!!!

Susie and Mr. Bun: Yes sir!

(They drag Avery away.)

Avery: Doesn't this count as child abuse?

Dark Calvin: Not if that child is a worthless orphan.

(Cut to the exterior of the base. Calvin, Hobbes, Spiff, Stupendous Man, and Tracer are spying from the bushes.)

Calvin: Okay, we need to be real stealthy if we're going to get in there.

Hobbes: Oh, relax. Tigers are masters of stealth. Since you've been following my directions, they probably haven't even found us.

(Dupe 5 shoots Calvin with a net launcher.)

Calvin: Masters of stealth my foot!

Hobbes: Let Calvin go or else!

Dupe 4: No way! We are taking him to our master, the Champion of Evil!

Dupe 1: Who?

Dupe 2: Dark Calvin.

(Dupe 5 slaps Dupe 1.)

Stupendous Man: Never fear, Stupendous Man is here! I shall defeat these foul villains and save-

(Dupe 5 zaps Stupendous Man into unconsciousness with a taser and does the same to everyone else. Dupe 2 grabs Calvin, still in the net.)

Dupe 5: Let's go, the boss is waiting.

Scene 13: Meeting Avery
(Cut to Dark Calvin in his throne room. The Dupes come in and Dupe 2 releases Calvin from the net.)

Calvin: Dark Calvin, I presume.

Dark Calvin: I was expecting someone more impressive. It's hard to believe that the greatness that is me is a clone of this pathetic little child.

Calvin: I'll show you how pathetic I am!

(Calvin shoots his Transmogrifier Gun at Dark Calvin, who counters with the same type of taser used by Dupe 5. Eventually, Dark Calvin's taser overpowers Calvin's Transmogrifier and Calvin is knocked out.)

Dark Calvin: Derkins! Bun! Take him to a dungeon.

Mr. Bun: Yes, master!

(Susie and Mr. Bun drag Calvin to a dungeon and throw him in. Calvin regains consciousness after they leave.)

Calvin: Ugh... what happened?

Avery: You did something to annoy Dark Calvin and he locked you up in here, that's what happened.

Calvin: Who are you?

Avery: I'm Avery. I used to be Dark Calvin's chef, but I put ghost peppers in his Diet Coke and he threw me down here. Now he's going to keep us down here forever and use Plan XY to destroy the world.

Calvin: What's Plan XY?

Avery: Some top-secret plot. I have no idea what it is. Only Dark Calvin and his master know.

Calvin: Then we've got to get out of this cell and stop it from happening!

Avery: Good luck. These cells are inescapable.

Calvin: That's 'cause they haven't met me yet.

(Avery smiles as Calvin pulls out the Transmogrifier Gun and gives it to her.)

Calvin: Think of a tiger and aim it at me!

Avery: What?

Calvin: Just do it!

(Avery thinks of a tiger and the Transmogrifier Gun shoots Calvin, turning him into one. Calvin easily destroys the cell door, shocking Avery.)

Calvin: Get on my back.

Scene 14: The Infinity Panama
(Cut to a skyscraper near a beach. This is, of course, Panama. The Cloaked Figure teleports in using his teleportation device.)

Guard: Hey, you! You're not supposed to be in-

(The Cloaked Figure hits the guard with the teleportation device, knocking him out. The villain then runs into a room. Two guards run towards him, but he uses the teleportation device to dodge them and they crash in each other, getting knocked out. The Cloaked Figure smashes open a glass case and removes a data chip.)

Cloaked Figure: Finally... the Infinity Panama.

(He teleports away.)

Scene 15: The Facility Falls
(Cut to Avery riding Calvin, who is still in his tiger form, through the halls of the facility. They go through a door and end up on a gantry above a huge room with a supercomputer, which has the plans for a bomb, a freeze ray, drill-like missiles, and a huge magnet. The Dupes are building all of these things, and Mr. Bun is doing some computer work.)

Avery: What are they making?

Calvin: It must be for Plan XY. We should get down there.

(Avery Transmogrifies part of the railing into a grappling hook, allowing them to drop to the floor and hide behind a small spaceship. Dark Calvin and the Cloaked Figure walk in.)

Cloaked Figure: (gives Dark Calvin the Infinity Panama) This is the Infinity Panama. I trust you remember how we're going to use it?

Dark Calvin: Of course!

Dupe 1: I don't!

(Dupe 5 slaps Dupe 1.)

Susie: You idiots! We've gone over this like seventeen times! Dark Calvin plugs the Infinity Panama into our supercomputer and we use it to hack into all the nukes of every country in the world. Then we use those nukes to wipe out mankind!

Calvin: Susie's working for Dark Calvin!?

Avery: Ssh! And he's controlling her with that collar on her neck.

Cloaked Figure: I have some business with a certain tiger genie to attend to. Continue with Plan XY.

(He teleports away as Dark Calvin starts walking towards the supercomputer.)

Calvin: We've got to get that chip. But how?

Avery: (holds up the Infinity Panama) Did I mention I'm a skilled pickpocket?

Calvin: That is one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

Avery: (smiles) Thanks.

Dark Calvin: Where's the Infinity Panama? I- I can't find it!

(Calvin takes out his phone, inserts the Infinity Panama, and downloads everything on Netflix onto the Infinity Panama.)

Calvin: Let's see, I delete Netflix... get Nickelodeon... Ugh, this is difficult when you've got paws instead of hands! (downloads everything on Nickelodeon onto the Infinity Panama)

Avery: What are you doing? This is no time to be watching movies!

Calvin: I know, but it's the perfect time to be saving the world. Which is what I'm the best at. HEY, DARK CALVIN! YOUR MOTHER WEARS ARMY BOOTS!

(Dupe 5 and Dupe 3 shoot their tasers at Calvin and Avery, but they dodge the blasts and end up right in front of Mr. Bun, who aims his own taser at them.)

Mr. Bun: Master! I've got them, and the furry one has the Infinity Panama!

Dark Calvin: Hand it over, and I'll only keep you prisoner for the rest of your lives.

Dupe 5: Or we could kill them!

Dupe 3: Quiet, you!

Calvin: There was no need to threaten us. Here's your chip (hands over the Infinity Panama)

Dark Calvin: (suspiciously) What are you planning?

Calvin: Nothing! Go ahead, destroy the world.

Mr. Bun: Your Evilness, whatever he has planned, it's no match for us. We should finish Plan XY.

Dark Calvin: You're right. Dupes! Load the supplies for Plan XY-B and Plan XY-C onto the escape pod!

Calvin: Jeez, someone's overdoing it with the codenames. Is there a Plan XY-Z?

Dark Calvin: Shut up!

(He plugs the Infinity Panama into the supercomputer, which starts sparking a bit. As the Duplicates load the freeze ray, bomb, and drill missiles onto the spaceship that Calvin and Avery had hid behind, Mr. Bun starts typing on the computer's keyboard while Dark Calvin watches. Mr. Bun brings up various army databases with images of nukes. He hits some keys and the words ENTER LAUNCH SEQUENCE flash across the screen as the supercomputer starts sparking even more.)

Dark Calvin: Hahahahahaha! All he has to do is hack past this, and then the nukes will launch, and Plan XY will be complete! AHAHAHAHAHA- Hey, what's that?

(The lights start to explode as the words OVERLOAD- ERROR flash across the screen.)

Susie: What did you do, Calvin?! What did you do?!

Calvin: Just gave you a little congrats on achieving your goal- all of Netflix and Nickelodeon. Enhanced by the Infinity Panama. And tell me, is this supercomputer connected to the main power circuits of this facility?

Dark Calvin: TO THE ESCAPE POD! QUICKLY!

(He and Mr. Bun run to the escape pod.)

Susie: You've ruined Plan XY! You'll pay for this!

(She shoots a taser at them, but they dodge it and Avery punches Susie in the throat, causing her to cough. Dark Calvin comes back, grabs Susie, and pulls her into the escape pod, which launches out of the base. Calvin fights the Duplicates and grabs the magnet with his tiger's strength.)

Dupe 2: No! It's not ready!

Calvin: Good! That makes it more fun!

(He uses the magnet to pull out a section of the wall.)

Calvin: C'mon, Avery!

Dupe 4: (to Avery) I don't think you wanna go with him. I'll make it... worth your while.

Avery: Ugh!

(She kicks him in the groin.)

Dupe 4: (in pain) Ooooh... My crown jewels...

(Calvin and Avery run through the hole in the wall. Cut to Hobbes and the alter egos.)

Hobbes: We need to get in there and save Calvin right now!

Tracer: I want to do that too, but we need to be smart about this!

Hobbes: The time for being smart has passed! They have Calvin!

Calvin: Not anymore.

Hobbes: CALVIN! You escaped!

Calvin: Well of course I did! I'm me!

(Avery turns Calvin back into a human.)

Tracer: I see you found a new friend, also.

Spiff: What's your name?

Avery: Avery.

Stupendous Man: Comrades! Calvin's return is cause for celebration, but we've got to stop Plan XY! Why, just a moment ago, I saw a large escape pod launch from that facility!

(Inside the facility, an electric surge is released from the computer and travels through the building, eventually reaching the power generator, which explodes and destroys the base.)

Stupendous Man: Never mind.

(Calvin's cell phone pings.)

Calvin: Hang on, someone's calling me.

(Susie appears on the phone's screen.)

Susie: Listen Calvin, I don't have much time. Dark Calvin thinks I'm in the bathroom. Anyways, when Avery hit me, it short-circuited my mind-control collar and I'm free. Sorry about everything I did while I was mind-controlled. The Dupes are ashes, but Dark Calvin's doing Plan XY-B. Our escape pod is flying to the Rocky Mountains to dig a hole to the center of the Earth. Once we're there, Dark Calvin will plant the bomb the Dupes built and fly into space. Then the bomb will go off and destroy most of the planet, wiping out almost all life.

(The call ends.)

Calvin: To the Rocky Mountains!

Spiff: We can use my ship's warp drive!

(They fly off and the ship vanishes as Dad comes running up.

Dad: You've gotta be kidding!

Scene 16: Plan XY-B
(Cut to the Rocky Mountains. The escape pod shoots two drill missiles, which drill a hole to the center of the Earth. Mr. Bun freezes the magma using the freeze ray and the escape pod lands. Dark Calvin, Susie, and Mr. Bun fly through the tunnel using jetpacks, eventually arriving at the Earth's core. Dark Calvin plants the bomb and starts a timer for five minutes.)

Dark Calvin: We've done it! Now let's get back to the escape pod before that bomb goes off.

(Dark Calvin and Mr. Bun fly away, but Susie stays.)

Mr. Bun: Susie? Aren't you coming?

Susie: No, puppet.

Mr. Bun: What'd you just call me?

Susie: I know that isn't you. I know that it's really Dark Calvin, talking through you.

Mr. Bun: And you know this how? I was confused when I came to life, but I would've chosen this path anyway. Just like you. Now come on, let's get in the escape pod.

Susie: I would not have chosen this! Dark Calvin, please! Humans aren't all bad. You haven't seen the world yet, and don't let your master- whoever he is- deprive you of that!

(Dark Calvin has a contemplating expression until Mr. Bun zaps Susie with the freeze ray, trapping her.)

Mr. Bun: Dark Calvin, you know your master's right. All humans do is hurt each other, rob each other, and kill innocent animals like me. We'll be doing the planet a favor by getting rid of them.

(They fly back up to the escape pod, which flies away just as Spiff's ship warps in. Stupendous Man carries everyone down the tunnel and Spiff frees Susie from the ice using his blaster.)

Susie: Okay guys, there's four minutes left on the timer. We need to stop the bomb!

Spiff: I'll blast it!

Calvin, Hobbes, Susie, Avery, Stupendous Man, and Tracer Bullet: NOOOOOOOO!

Avery: That'll just make the bomb go off! We need to cut one of the wires to stop the timer!

Hobbes: (pings out a claw) Wire cutter, at your service.

Tracer: Now we just need to know which wire to cut.

Avery: Well?

Susie: What're you looking at me for?! I didn't make the bomb, the Dupes did.

Calvin: Cut the red wire. It's always the red wire.

(Hobbes cuts the red wire, but nothing happens.)

Avery: Dark Calvin's purple. Try the purple wire.

(Hobbes cuts the purple wire, but nothing happens.)

Spiff: Okay then, it's gotta be the blue wire.

(In slow motion, Hobbes cuts the blue wire. Everyone rejoices, but they stop upon seeing the timer is still running.)

Calvin: You have GOT to be kidding me!

Hobbes: Oh no! What are we going to do?

Avery: I LOVE YOU CALVIN!!!

(Calvin and Susie stare at Avery, glance at each other, then quickly glance away.)

Stupendous Man: I have an idea!

(He grabs the bomb and flies up to the sky. Cut to Isla de Sombra. Dad has drawn a circle with symbols at the North, South, East, and West, put candles on each of the symbols, and put a mirror inside the circle.)

Dad: Magic Tiger, I summon you.

(The fire goes into the mirror and Magic Tiger comes out.)

Magic Tiger: Ah, you are the child Calvin's father, correct?

Dad: Yes, and I'm sorry for whatever trouble the little brat has caused you, but I need to find him.

Magic Tiger: I have a potion that has the desired effect, but to prove yourself, you will have to figure out which is which.

(Magic Tiger conjures a shelf of potions.)

Dad: I choose...

(He squeezes his wrist and suddenly vanishes into a bunch of green pixels. In his place is the Cloaked Figure, who had used a teleportation device on his wrist to create the hologram of Dad.)

Cloaked Figure: All of them.

(Magic Tiger shoots a ball of electricity at the Cloaked Figure, who uses his wrist device to teleport behind Magic Tiger. Magic Tiger spins around and shoots another ball of electricity at him, but the Cloaked Figure ducks and the ball of electricity hits the mirror, which shatters into a thousand pieces. Magic Tiger explodes into four streaks of fire that relight the candles, and the Cloaked Figure teleports up to Dark Calvin's escape pod with the shelf of potions. Dark Calvin and Mr. Bun bow to the Cloaked Figure.)

Dark Calvin: Master. You've returned.

Cloaked Figure: Yes, and I brought a few things.

(He pours some of the potions into a large glass tube connected to the ceiling.)

Cloaked Figure: Dark Calvin, if you would...

(Dark Calvin pours in a couple more potions and hits a switch on the wall. Electricity zaps the glass tube and the potions and there is a flash of light. They open the tube and Dark Hobbes emerges.)

Dark Hobbes: I am the Ultimate Warrior, the Champion of Evil, the Tiger Eclipse, the Destined Ruler of the Remaining World. I am Dark Hobbes. And you are my master.

Cloaked Figure: That's good to hear.

Dark Calvin: Wait a sec, I thought I was the Champion of Evil.

Dark Hobbes: Silence!

Dark Calvin: But-

(Stupendous Man flies toward the escape pod, still holding the bomb. He throws it through the window of the escape pod and it hits Dark Hobbes, knocking him through the airlock. The Cloaked Figure teleports away using the teleportation device on his wrist, leaving Dark Calvin and Mr. Bun in the escape pod.)

Dark Calvin: Oh sh-

(The bomb explodes, destroying the escape pod and killing Dark Calvin and Mr. Bun.)

Scene 17: Celebrating Too Early
(The heroes watch the escape pod explode. Stupendous Man flies down.)

Stupendous Man: The evildoers have been thwarted and the world is safe once again, thanks to Stuuupendous Maaan!

Avery: Three cheers for Stupendous Man!

Everyone except Susie: HIP HIP- HOORAY!

(Susie goes over to sit on a rock. Calvin, noticing, joins her.)

Calvin: Sorry about Mr. Bun, Susie.

Susie. Thanks, Calvin.

Calvin: I can get you a new stuffed rabbit.

Susie: That's not the only problem.

Calvin: What do you mean?

Susie: My usual Saturday consists of eating breakfast, playing with Mr. Bun, reviewing my homework, eating lunch, visiting the library, watching TV, eating dinner, and going to bed. I wasn't expecting to be abducted and mind-controlled by an evil clone of you with plans to destroy the world. And then you come save me with a talking tiger, a space explorer, a superhero, a detective, and an orphan who's your perfect love interest. It's like something out of a movie.

Calvin: It is. But at least it's exciting. And hey, we did it. We stopped Plan XY and Plan XY-B. We can all go home now.

Spiff: Not quite yet.

Calvin: SPIFF! You were eavesdropping?!

Spiff: So was Tracer!

Tracer: Only because you made me!

Spiff: Did not!

Tracer: Did to!

Spiff: Did not!

Susie: Would you two stop bantering and explain why we can't go home yet?

Tracer: Because of that.

(Dark Hobbes flies toward them using a jetpack.)

Hobbes: It's me.

Avery: Not exactly.

Stupendous Man: Who are you?

Dark Hobbes: I am Dark Hobbes.

Hobbes: I guess I should've seen that coming. Is there going to be a Dark Susie or Dark Spiff now?

Dark Hobbes: You seven children have ruined Plan XY and Plan XY-B, but you won't stop Plan XY-C. Not if I kill you first.

Stupendous Man: Stand down, evildoer! Stupendous Man has the strength of a million mortal men!

(Dark Hobbes pulls out a grenade launcher and blasts Stupendous Man into Spiff's ship.)

Stupendous Man: I'm okay!

Dark Hobbes: But your friends won't be.

(Hobbes kicks a rock at his counterpart. Dark Hobbes fires several grenades at Hobbes, who dodges them all while the others get into Spiff's ship, which shoots a missile at Dark Hobbes. He dodges it, allowing Hobbes to get into the ship and they teleport away using the warp drive. Dark Hobbes takes out a GPS.)

Dark Hobbes: GPS, don't fail me now.

GPS: *Calvin* and *his friends* are in *the Sahara Desert*.

Dark Hobbes: Perfect. Now they'll die.

(He hits a button on the jetpack and flies away at super-speed as Dad runs in.)

Dad: If I ever catch up with that kid, I'm gonna kill him.

Scene 18: The Chase
(The heroes are flying over the Sahara Desert when Dark Hobbes appears, chasing after them and shooting grenades. They dodge his grenades and Spiff's ship warps away. Dark Hobbes flies off after consulting his GPS. The heroes are in Egypt, flying past the Pyramids, when Dark Hobbes arrives. Dark Hobbes' grenade launcher does considerable damage to the Sphinx, but Spiff uses some trick flying to weave around the Pyramids, causing Dark Hobbes to crash into one.)

Calvin: That'll teach him not to mess with us!

Hobbes: You'd think so.

(Dark Hobbes comes out of the Pyramid as the heroes warp to Paris.)

Hobbes: Ah, Paris, the city of love...

(Avery scoots closer to Calvin. He looks visibly uncomfortable.)

Avery: You know, Calvin, after this adventure, we're going to be more mature. Mature enough to think about dating

Calvin: Ah, yes... think...

(Hobbes can barely contain his laughter. Dark Hobbes appears and chases them throughout the city. They fly around the Eiffel Tower and get Dark Hobbes dizzy, allowing Spiff to hit the warp drive and they teleport to St. Petersburg. Dark Hobbes shows up and they dodge all Dark Hobbes' grenades, which do some damage to the Winter Palace. They then warp to London, and after an extensive chase that causes havoc through the streets, Dark Hobbes crashes into Big Ben and they warp to Cairo, where they all wipe their brows, but freak out when Dark Hobbes flies up yet again. After a chase through Cairo, Dark Hobbes' grenades damage the ship's stabilizers and they nearly crash into Cairo Tower, but warp to New York in the nick of time.)

Hobbes: The grand old duke of New York, he had ten thousand men, he marched them up the hill and he marched them down again! The grand old duke of New York...

Calvin: Would you stop that?!

Spiff: Why does my ship always get damaged?!

Tracer: I'll get you a new one from that Bob guy.

Spiff: Thanks.

Susie: Ah, New York. I always wanted to visit.

Calvin: Really? So did I!

(They both smile as Spiff lands the ship at Liberty Island and inspects the damage.)

Hobbes: Can you fix it?

Spiff: Maybe, if I had a replacement Stabilization-o-Tron, plus about ten thousand dollars' worth of 32nd-century equipment and the ship's blueprints.

(Calvin gets out the Transmogrifier Gun and turns a rock into all those things.)

Spiff: Well, in that case, I'll be done in four hours.

(Dark Hobbes flies up.)

Dark Hobbes: Unfortunately, you won't live for even four more minutes.

(Dark Hobbes aims his grenade launcher, but Susie uses her taser to blast it out of his hands.)

Dark Hobbes: You use our weapons, yet you stand against us?! Prepare to die!

(Dark Hobbes pulls out a lightsaber, flies toward Susie, and slashes at her with the lightsaber, but Hobbes pounces on him. Dark Hobbes knocks Hobbes off him and Calvin starts shooting Transmogrification blasts at Dark Hobbes, who uses his lightsaber to deflect them all. Stupendous Man uses his high-speed vision to read the blueprint of Spiff's ship before repairing the ship at stupendous speed. Calvin knocks Dark Hobbes off his feet by turning the ground under him into a duck. They all get in the ship but before they can fly away, Dark Hobbes grabs his grenade launcher and shoots at them. Spiff hits the warp drive, but the grenade gets sucked along with them as they teleport away. Dark Hobbes consults his GPS, then flies off as Dad arrives in a motorboat and collapses from frustration after seeing the situation.)

Scene 19: Plan XY-C Begins
(Cut to the runs of the facility on Isla de Sombra. The Cloaked Figure emerges from his lair, clears some rubble, and finds the giant magnet.)

Cloaked Figure: After some repairs, it'll be as good as new. And then finally, mankind will be destroyed.

(He teleports back to his lair with the damaged magnet.)

Scene 20: Zero Hour In Zambia
(Cut to the Western Zambezian Grasslands. The ship warps into existence, still followed by the grenade. Spiff quickly opens the bubble dome and Calvin Transmogrifies his left shoe into a grenade pin, which he throws into the grenade, stopping the detonation. Tracer catches the grenade and puts it in his boot. Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie get out.)

Calvin: Well guys, welcome to Zambia! Dark Hobbes should have some trouble getting here; the heat'll interfere with his GPS.

Hobbes: It also interferes with me. So, so much...

Susie: We get it! It's hot, but we're not complaining!

Hobbes: That's because you're not wearing the world's heaviest fur coat with no way to take it off!

Avery: Guys! Calm down! We're safe here, and there's no reason to complain!

(Dark Hobbes appears in the distance.)

Avery: Well, except for that.

Spiff: C'mon, guys, get in! I'm sick of running from Dark Hobbes! Let's fight him!

(They take off in such a hurry that Tracer and Avery fall out of the ship.)

Spiff: Sorry guys, we'll come back for you!

(Avery and Tracer run after the ship as Spiff pops the bubble dome and shoots several lasers at Dark Hobbes. Dark Hobbes uses his lightsaber to deflect the lasers back at them, but they dodge it and continue chasing Dark Hobbes around the sky. Tracer fires five gunshots at Dark Hobbes, who notices and gives an evil grin. Spiff shoots a laser at Dark Hobbes, but he uses his lightsaber to deflect it toward Tracer. The laser hits him in the boot, setting off the grenade, seemingly killing Tracer and Avery.)

Spiff: TRACER!

Calvin: AVERY!

Everyone except Dark Hobbes: NOOOOO!

Dark Hobbes: My work here is done. (flies away)

(The heroes land and look for the bodies of their friends. Avery's body is mostly unharmed, but all they can find of Tracer is his charred hat and gun, with just one shot left in it.)

Spiff: This is all my fault.

Stupendous Man: No, it's my fault. I should have saved them.

Susie: We all should have saved them.

(Everyone except Calvin and Hobbes slowly walk into the ship, with Stupendous Man carrying Avery's body and Spiff holding Tracer's gun.)

Hobbes: Where are you going?

Susie: Home!

(The ship lifts off and Calvin and Hobbes run after it. They grab hold just before the ship warps away.)

Scene 21: Revelations
(Cut to Calvin's house. The ship warps into existence and lands in the front yard.)

Calvin: Why are we here?

Susie: We're giving up.

Calvin and Hobbes: GIVING UP?!

Calvin: But you can't give up! Dark Hobbes and his master are still out there!

Spiff: Yeah, and look what happened when we went up against just Dark Hobbes! Two of us died!

Calvin: But we'll all die if we don't stop them!

Susie: How can we stop them? This whole time we've been going about like we're action heroes- taking big risks, fighting villains who are way more powerful than us, and trying to preform impossible physical feats. But we're not action movie heroes, we're just a bunch of kids who are over in our heads.

Hobbes: Exactly!

All: Huh?

(Hobbes jumps onto Spiff's ship.)

Hobbes: We are kids. Even me! But that doesn't mean we can't do amazing things. Yes, we've taken big risks, but everything is a risk! By getting on this ship, I'm risking that it won't malfunction and kill me. By standing over there, you're risking that a plane won't drop an anvil on you! Yes, we've tried to preform some feats that would seem impossible and gone against people stronger than us. But we've succeeded every time! And you know why? Because we have inspiration! Inspiration is what drives us all to do everything we can to achieve our goals. And do you know what my inspiration is? You all! You inspire me, a tiger with a dim view of human nature and a fondness for coffee and not much else, to help stop a plot to destroy the world! And if you can do that, you can do anything! All you need is inspiration.

Stupendous Man: But what about Avery and Tracer? We couldn't save them.

(Hobbes gets down from the ship and walks over to Avery's body.)

Hobbes: The dead will never truly leave us. They will always be with us.

(He kicks Avery in the chest, and she sits up, coughing.)

Hobbes: Especially when they're still alive.

Spiff: AVERY! You're alive!

Avery: Who's Avery? And who are all of you- GAH! IS THAT A TIGER?!

Stupendous Man: The blast must have given her amnesia.

Avery: Are you guys going to hurt me?

Calvin: No, we're friends.

Avery: So... before I got amnesia, I was friends with a six-year-old with hair like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket, a talking tiger, another six-year old who has a taser, a space ranger, and a superhero.

Susie: Plus a detective from the 30's.

Avery: I don't understand any of this.

Spiff: I'll explain.

(They go into Calvin's house.)

Calvin: Okay, now let's figure out where Dark Hobbes is, and what he's doing.

(Calvin's phone rings.)

Calvin: Hang on, someone's calling me.

(Rosalyn appears on the phone screen.)

Calvin: ROSALYN!? Why the heck are you calling me?! Trying to hack my phone?

Rosalyn: If hacking your phone was as simple as this, I would've done it already. I called you because I know that someone's out to kill you.

Calvin: Yeah, Dark Hobbes. I met him.

Rosalyn: I know who created Dark Hobbes.

Calvin: Really? Who?

Rosalyn: Charlie.

Calvin: WHAT?! Your old boyfriend?! How'd he become an evil villain?

Rosalyn: After you told him that I killed a kid, he became convinced that humanity was corrupt and needed to be destroyed. He started coming up with Plan XY and the plans for Dark Calvin and Dark Hobbes. I know this because he showed me. Even after he dumped me, he still loved me, and he wanted me to join him.

Calvin: Did you?

Rosalyn: Of course not! You think I want the world destroyed?!

Calvin: Well, you can get pretty cranky sometimes.

Rosalyn: (growls) Anyway, Plan XY was supposed to happen yesterday, and we're all still alive, so I'm guessing you stopped him. But he has two backup plans, Plan XY-B and Plan XY-C. I guess you stopped Plan XY-B too, but he's setting up Plan XY-C on his private island, Isla de Sombra. I hope you can stop him again.

(The call ends.)

Calvin: Guess we're going back to Isla de Sombra.

(Avery and Spiff come out.)

Avery: Spiff filled me in on everything, but I still can't remember.

Susie: You up for saving the world one more time?

Avery: I guess so.

Hobbes: Before we do that, there's one thing we have to do.

Scene 22: The Calvinosaurus' Creation
(Time cut. The heroes are summoning Magic Tiger.)

Calvin: Magic Tiger, I summon you.

(The fire from the candles goes into the mirror and Magic Tiger emerges.)

Magic Tiger: You two again.

Hobbes: Actually, there's six of us now.

Magic Tiger: Silence, foolish mortal!

Susie: So, can you help us, or what?

Magic Tiger: First, you must prove yourself not to have sloth.

Stupendous Man: But you won't be helping them. You'll be helping me. And I've saved my version of the world a thousand times over without magic. I think that should count as proving myself not to have sloth.

Magic Tiger: Very well. What is it you desire?

Stupendous Man: Bring back Avery's memories.

Magic Tiger: I cannot do this.

Stupendous Man: WHAT?! Why not?

Magic Tiger: That isn't for you to know!

Susie: Dark Calvin had a plan to get this guy's potions. I guess Charlie carried it out.

Magic Tiger: I do have one potion.

Spiff: Well, what does it do?

Magic Tiger: If you must know, it bestows upon the drinker magic, but not enough to attempt a spell of that magnitude.

Stupendous Man: Give it to me anyway.

(Magic Tiger conjures the potion and then returns to the mirror. Stupendous Man turns to Calvin.)

Stupendous Man: Here, drink up and imagine something that can protect Avery when we go to Isla de Sombra.

Calvin: Okay, here goes.

(Calvin drinks the potion and with a flash of yellow light, a large dinosaur appears.)

Calvin: Behold the Calvinosaurus!

Calvinosaurus: ROOOAAAR!

Susie: That's a tame... Calvinosaurus, right?

Calvin: Of course! (walks toward the Calvinosaurus) Hey Big Guy, what would you say to protecting Avery while we all stop Plan XY-B?

(The Calvinosaurus eats him. Everyone looks stunned for a moment, and then the Calvinosaurus opens its mouth to let Calvin out.)

Calvin: Okay, nice prank, Doofus, but you should really consider brushing your teeth.

Calvinosaurus: Hrrm hrrm hrrm.

Spiff: Was that it laughing?

Calvinosaurus: ROOOOAR!

Calvin: Him. And yes, I think that was the dinosaur version of laughter. C'mon, let's get in the ship.

(They get in the ship and Spiff uses a tractor beam to suck the Calvinosaurus into the cargo bay, which has the same bigger-on-the-inside mechanics as the cockpit. They warp away as Dad arrives.)

Dad: FRICKIN' FRACKIN' MURSIN' CHURSIN' GARRIN' BARRIN' ''CRAZY KIDS! (kicks a lawn gnome)'' OOOOOWW!!!

Scene 23: The Final Battle
(Cut to Isla de Sombra. The ship warps into existence and lands in a clearing. The heroes get out and walk into the jungle, stopping at a tree.)

Susie: One of these knots should open the entrance to the lair...

(Spiff uses his laser to cut a large section of earth out of the ground.)

Susie: Or we could do that.

(They jump through the hole and end up in Charlie's lair. Charlie and Dark Hobbes are finishing repairs on the magnet.)

Charlie: So, you arrived at last. Well, you're too late! Plan XY-C is nearly complete! This magnet will attract both of the Earth's magnetic poles to this island, crushing the rest of the world in the process!

Susie: Not if we stop you first!

Calvin: CHAAARGE!

(Charlie teleports over to the Duplicator and hits the reset button. Cut to the remains of Dark Calvin's facility. Some of the ashes levitate into the air and reform into the Duplicates, with grey-tinged skin and torn-up clothes. Cut to the lair. The Zombie Duplicates rush in and start fighting the heroes, and Dark Hobbes flips a switch, activating a giant robot.)

Dark Hobbes: Behold Megamecha!

Spiff: Shut up, you single-minded bear bait!

(Spiff and Dark Hobbes start fighting as Calvin, Hobbes, Susie, and Stupendous Man battle the Zombie Duplicates while Avery, riding the Calvinosaurus, goes up against Megamecha. Charlie watches from his massage throne with a sadistic grin on his face.)

Calvin: Beware, Zombie Dupe! I know karate!

Zombie Dupe 3: So do I!

Zombie Dupe 1: What's karate?

(Zombie Dupe 5 slaps Zombie Dupe 1 before Stupendous Man grabs them both by the neck, throttles them, and slams them into each other, knocking them out. Calvin knocks out Zombie Dupe 3, but Susie is still fighting Zombie Dupe 4)

Zombie Dupe 4: Those are some fine legs, girl. I'd hate to destroy someone so attractive. What say you come back to the dark side?

(Susie tases him. Zombie Dupe 5 gets to his feet, but Hobbes uses his own opponent, Zombie Dupe 2, as a baseball bat to whack Zombie Dupe 5 into the air, allowing Calvin to Transmogrify Zombie Dupe 5 into a power draining unit. Spiff manages to strip Dark Hobbes of his lightsaber. Meanwhile, Avery and the Calvinosaurus are not doing well against Megamecha.)

Calvinoasurus: ROOOAAR!

Megamecha: Exterminate... Exterminate... Exterminate...

(The Calvinosaurus whacks Megamecha with his tail, but the robot punches him and Avery falls off his back. Megamecha punches him again, and he falls over. Avery dodges his falling body, and the Calvinosaurus gets back on his feet. Miniguns come out of Megamecha's shoulders and fire at the Calvinosaurus, who survives and headbutts Megamecha onto its back. Calvin tosses Avery the power draining unit, and she drives it into Megamecha's neck, draining its power. We see a quick flashback to Calvin meeting Avery.)

Avery: Hang on, I... think I remember some things.

Hobbes: Good, maybe saving the world will help you remember all the way.

(Spiff and Dark Hobbes continue their battle, trading punches, kicks, lasers, and grenades. Dark Hobbes eventually kicks Spiff at a wall, stunning him. Dark Hobbes, hovering in the air using his jetpack, aims his grenade launcher at Spiff.)

Dark Hobbes: Tell Tracer I said hello.

Spiff: Funny. I was about to say the same thing!

(Spiff draws Tracer's gun and leaps over Dark Hobbes, doing a backflip so that he can shoot Dark Hobbes' jetpack with the gun. The jetpack explodes, killing Dark Hobbes.)

Charlie: Interesting. This requires another test.

(Charlie hits the reset button, awakening all the Zombie Duplicates and turning Zombie Dupe 5 back to normal. Susie fires her taser at the Duplicator, which overloads and explodes. The Duplicates turn back into ashes.)

Charlie: Well, looks like Daddy's going to have to get his hands dirty.

(Charlie teleports around the room, knocking out everyone except Calvin, Hobbes, and the Calvinosaurus. He activates the countdown on the magnet and knocks out the dinosaur using Dark Hobbes' lightsaber, but Hobbes tears off his teleportation device. Charlie knocks out Hobbes and battles Calvin with the lightsaber, with Calvin fighting back with the Transmogrifier Gun. Eventually Charlie corners Calvin by the pit of electric eels. Hobbes then knocks him out by throwing a spanner at his head.)

Hobbes: We're going to need everyone conscious to stop Plan XY-C.

Calvin: I'll wake them up using my patented taxicab whistle!

Hobbes: Taxicab- oh no...

(Cut to Chicago. A faint taxicab whistle is heard. Cut to the lair. Everyone except Calvin is stumbling around clutching their heads, and Dad falls into the lair, dazed.)

Calvin: C'mon, let's get to work on smashing that magnet!

Susie: Can't hear what you're saying... ears ringing...

Calvin: Hmph.

(Calvin turns around, only to see Charlie, awakened by the taxicab whistle, preparing to stab Calvin with the lightsaber.)

Dad: NOOOO!

(Dad tackles Charlie and they both fall into the pit of eels. Dad grabs hold of the edge, but Charlie doesn't and lands in the water. The eels swarm him and electrocute him to death.)

Calvin: Didn't see that one coming.

Dad: Little help here!

(Calvin Transmogrifies himself into a pterodactyl and grabs Dad, pulling him to safety. He then destroys the magnet. Hobbes turns him back to normal.)

Avery: So, this is your dad?

Calvin: Yeah.

Dad: Calvin, would you please explain to me who all these people are?

Calvin: Sure, but this isn't the best place to do it.

Dad: What is?

Scene 24: The Big Dance Party At The End
(Cut to the group in their house, eating cookies and drinking root beer. Dad and Hobbes are drinking coffee.)

Dad: So these are your alter egos and stuffed tiger come to life.

Calvin: Yeah, and Avery's an orphan who was forced to work for Dark Calvin.

Dad: So, now what?

Hobbes: Well, the movie's almost over. Time for the big dance party at the end!

(Time cut. All the furniture has been dragged out of the way to make room for dancing. Mom and Magic Tiger are with the group, prepared to dance. Magic Tiger puts a waltz onto the record player and they all start slowly dancing to it, with Calvin paired with Avery, Hobbes with Susie, Spiff with Stupendous Man, Mom with Magic Tiger, and Dad, awkwardly, with the Calvinosaurus. Suddenly, Hobbes switches the record to classical music and everyone except Magic Tiger starts doing the trademark Calvin and Hobbes dance.)

Magic Tiger: What? This is frivolous! Stop at onc-

(The Calvinosaurus punts him through the roof. Avery is dancing with Spiff, Dad is dancing with Mom, and Calvin is dancing with Susie. Everyone is having an amazing time, and as they dance, the credits roll. Once the credits are done, everything changes to comic panels.)

Narrator: And that is the end. The end of a story of imagination, of bravery, and of inspiration.

(Susie moves to kiss Calvin.)

Narrator: And of lo-

Calvin: Hey! Did you not here me in the first scene? You're fired! And not just because of the dumb animation style. Susie and I are six!

(The movie changes back to 3D-Animation as they continue dancing. The camera pans out as we look their house from above, and then it fades to black. The credits roll to the same music that Calvin, Hobbes, and their friends were dancing to. Once the credits are done, the title appears, and then fades to black.)

Scene 25: The Post-Credits Scene
(Cut to space. Dark Calvin's body is floating around the moon when all of a sudden, it is sucked into a UFO and placed in a tube full of chemicals. The aliens aboard the UFO activate a series of devices that blast electricity and nanobots into the tube. Dark Calvin's skin turns black and opens his eyes. As he begins to grow wings and a tail, we see him holding a potion.)