The Wagon Derby Transcript

​Scene 1: The announcement
(Episode starts with Calvin walking out of school)

Calvin: Ugh, what a long week at school, thank gosh its over. Now I can binge watch TV all weekend.

(Calvin walks out of the school, to see the bus driving away.)

Calvin: Hey wait! No! Come back here! Darn it. Well, guess I have to walk now...

(Calvin is walking until he sees a large crowd at a table)

Calvin: What's going on? Hmm... Maybe its a signup sheet for people who are interested in taking over the world. If that's the case, I'm in! (Calvin runs over and bumps into Moe)

Moe: Watch where your going twinky! We all got to wait to sign up for The Wagon Derby!

Calvin: The Wagon Derby? What's that?

Moe: You don't know about The Wagon Derby? It's like a Soap Box Derby, but with more people going at the same time and its super unsafe. I'm signing up for it.

Calvin: Ha! Well guess what? I'm entering The Wagon Derby, and my superior driving skills will win me the derby!

Moe: Ha! You'll never win against me twinky! My family has dominated the derby since 1985! There's no way you'll win.

Susie: (Walks up) I'm signing up to, so don't get your hopes up you two.

Calvin: Oh yeah? Boys beat girls any day.

Susie: Yeah right...

(Cuts to Calvin getting to the sign-up table)

Announcer: Are you signing up for The Wagon Derby?

Calvin: Isn't it obvious? Why would I waste my time waiting in line for nothing?

Announcer: Uh...

Calvin: Give me that (Grabs sheet and scribbles something down and leaves)

Announcer: Calvin the Bold...what a name...

(Cuts to Calvin walking up to his house)

Calvin: I'M HOME!

(Hobbes pounces him)

Calvin: Seriously...

Hobbes: Yes.

Calvin: Hurry, get the wagon.

Hobbes: What did you do now?

Calvin: Nothing Hobbes, I need to practice for The Wagon Derby tommorrow.

Hobbes: You in a wagon derby...oh dear gosh...

Calvin: Shut up furball, it will be great. The winner gets 2500 bucks!

Hobbes: Ooo, NOW we're talking!

Calvin: So we have to train.

Hobbes: "WE"?!

Calvin: Yeah, your riding with me, more weight on the wagon means it will go faster, right?

Hobbes: I guess so...

Calvin: So get the wagon out, we need to start training.

(Shows montage of Calvin and Hobbes training, and also shows montages of Susie and Moe training as well, and cuts to the day of the derby.)

​Scene 2: The Derby
Calvin: Alright! Here it is! Wow! Look at this hill! This is huge! This is going to be a blast!

Hobbes: Woah, I don't think we did enough training...

Calvin: Don't be a sissy, we'll be fine!

Announcer: Welcome everyone to the 42nd Annual Wagon Derby!

(Cheers and Boos are heard)

Calvin: What's with the booing?

Kid: You've never raced this before have you?

Calvin: No.

Kid: There's this group of people that waste their time protesting this since it's "dangerous"

Protestor: THE 42ND WAGON DERBY WILL BE THE LAST!

Calvin: Weirdos...

(Cuts to the top of the hill)

Announcer: Our first heat of the day will feature Newcomer Calvin Grayson, and our other competitors for the first heat include Bob Jones, Randy Hawthrorne, Jimmy Richards, Jack Mack...

(Shows Calvin sleeping)

Hobbes: Calvin wake up.

Calvin: Geez, how many people are in this first heat?!

Hobbes: 20.

Calvin: Oh wow.

Judge: Alright competitors! On your mark, get set, go!

(Judge runs out of the way while the wagons thunder down)

Hobbes: WATCH OUT! THIS IS JAMMED CALVIN! BE CAREFUL!

Calvin: RELAX! I GOT THIS!

(Calvin rams through all the wagons, and once they near the finish line he catches up with the leader and he bumps his wagon and the person flips, and Calvin and Hobbes crawl the finish line first)

Hobbes: We WON??

Announcer: And the winner of the first heat is newcomer Calvin Grayson!

Calvin: YES! CALVIN THE BOLD PREVAILS YET AGAIN!

(Crowds Boos Calvin and throw food and other objects at he and Hobbes)

Hobbes: I don't think people approve of your driving style.

Calvin: PHILISTINES! YOUR JUST JEALOUS!

(Hobbes facepalms)

​Scene 3: The races
(Shows a montage of the races taking place, with Calvin constantly knocking his competitors out of the way to win, while Susie and Moe racing cleanly and continuing to win races)

Announcer: Alright everyone, the moment you've all been waiting for, THE MAIN EVENT!

(Cheers and boos are heard)

Announcer: Our finalists are: Susie Derkins! Moe Westing! Jackson Kelley! (Continues to drain on as Calvin is shown to be bored) and last! But certainly not least! Calvin Grayson!

(Everyone boos at Calvin)

Calvin: SHUT UP YOU BABIES! RUBBING IS RACING!

(The other competitors roll their eyes)

Hobbes: I think you've proved your point Harry with your "Days of Thunder" quotes.

Calvin: Well its the truth!

Judge: ALL RIGHT COMPETITORS! READY! SET! GO! (Runs out of the way as wagons begin racing by)

(Calvin gets out to an early lead, but a kid passes him)

Calvin: NO! THE MONEY IS MINE! (Rams kid into a tree)

Hobbes: You know, you could've just PASSED him...

Calvin: No way! I'm not going to give any leeway to anyone!

Hobbes: Whatever you say...

(Calvin continues to ram kids out of the way and wreck them, then cuts to near the finish line with Susie and Moe fighting for the win, with Calvin in 3rd place)

Calvin: Hobbes, what am I going to do?! I don't know if I can pass them in time!

Hobbes: Accept defeat?

(Calvin ignores him, and the proceeds to ram into the back of Susie's wagon, which causes her to go right into Moe's wagon, and they go flying off, while Calvin and Hobbes cross the finish line first)

Announcer: And Calvin the Bold is the winner!

Calvin: YES! I WON! I'M RICH!

(Crowd boos and throw various objects and Calvin)

Calvin: BUTTHURT! (Mocks them by whiping fake tears)

Person: DISQUALIFY HIM!

Judge: What's all this ruckus about?

Kid: He rammed me into a tree!

Kid 2: Yeah! Same to me!

Kid 3: And me!

Susie: He wrecked Moe and I for the win!

Moe: Yeah!

Judge: Oh really? Let me check the replay... (Watches video, and is appaled at what he sees, and goes up to the announcer and whispers something)

Announcer: Well then, we've had a development. Due to him wrecking everyone and trying to hurt others, Calvin the Bold has been disqualified! And Susie Derkins and Moe Westing have been declared the winners!

(Crowd Cheers)

Calvin: WHAT?! THIS IS SO RIGGED! THIS IS WORSE THAN BRAIN FRANCE RIGGING THE NASCAR CHAMPIONSHIP FOR JIMMIE JOHNSON! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!

Hobbes: Here we go again...

Judge: Well kid, maybe if you didn't act like you were king of the road, you might've won!

Calvin: SHUT UP YOU TWIT! YOU KNOW NOTHING!

(Calvin grabs trophy and knocks at the Judge's head, then he grabs the money as well and begins to run off, but then an angry mob comes chasing after him, and it cuts to black.)

​Scene 4: The aftermath
(Cuts to Calvin reading comic books in his bedroom the next day, with some bandaids, bumps, and bruises all over his body)

Hobbes: (Enters) Hey Calvin guess what!

Calvin: They changed their mind and are going to declare me the winner so I can get the money?

Hobbes: Uh, no. Your little stunt made the paper!

(Hobbes shows Calvin the newspaper headline, which reads: "Local Boy Causes Chaos at Annual Wagon Derby" with a picture of Calvin being chased)

Calvin: Shut up and get that out of my face.

Hobbes: Are you still going on about how its was "rigged"?

Calvin: Yes! It was totally rigged! Susie and Moe don't deserve anything! I bet they paid off the judges!

(Hobbes rolls his eyes)

Hobbes: Are you really going to let this bother you? I mean, there's other things you could do to get some money and a trophy like-

Calvin: Yeah, I can probably enter something else and get some loot. But in order to do that, I need to train. C'mon, lets go play Calvinball.

(They leave the room, and it cuts to black, ending the episode)

Cast
Tom Kenny as Calvin Grayson/Judge/Kid

Owen Wilson as Hobbes Grayson/Person

Jennifer Lawrence as Susie Derkins/Kid

Jeremy Irons as Moe Westing/Kid

Special Guest Star: 

Daniel Radciffe as the Announcer