Coming to Calmerica Transcript

Scene 1: The Journey
(Episode starts with Calvin inside the box, making various "adjustments")

Calvin: Annnd... Done!

Hobbes: (Looks up from comic book) Done with what?

Calvin: Done making some modifications to the time machine.

Hobbes: Oh no, I'm not going on any zany time travelling journey that will nearly kill us like every other time we go in that death trap.

Calvin: Oh quit whining you big baby, we're still alive aren't we?!

Hobbes: Yes, but my life has flashed before my eyes several times from those experiences.

Calvin: Well this time Hobbes, we aren't going time travelling, we're going to an alternate universe!

Hobbes: What kind of alternate universe?

Calvin: A one where I am in total control. That way, I can figure out from that Calvin what I'm doing wrong in my plots for world domination, and then finally I'll be able to take over the world and start my new empire!

Hobbes: Well you have fun with that

Calvin: Oh no fleabag, notice how I said "we" were going, not "I" was going, so come on!

(Hobbes sighs and hops in the box)

Calvin: Vortex goggles on? Alright, let's go!

(Calvin presses a button and they warp through time and space)

Scene 2: The Capital
(Calvin and Hobbes enter into the alternate universe, but crash into a tree)

Calvin: Thanks for helping me land furball.

Hobbes: This is probably safer than some of our usual exits so I'm not going to complain about this one.

Calvin: Where are we anyway? (Looks) Oh...

(Calvin and Hobbes see a sign that reads, "Welcome to Calvington, C.H." The camera shows several aspects of the city, with multiple duplicate Calvin's walking around, and several other people walking and driving to their jobs, with several pieces of propaganda promoting Calvin)

Calvin: Wow, this place is beautiful!

Hobbes: I thought you said we were going to an alternate universe, not North Korea.

Calvin: Oh shut up! (The two jump down from the tree and begin looking around)

Calvin: Wow, this is a neat place, I gotta say. Calvin Citizen: Morning. Calvin: Morning to you too!

Hobbes: This place gives me the creeps personally. Calvin: And why is that? Hobbes: Shouldn't it be obvious? Calvin: No. What we're in is a beautiful utopia that can only be achieved once I'm making the decisions around here. Hobbes: You know, I've noticed the lack of females in this place so far. Heck, I don't think I've seen any.

Calvin: Well, I guess I passed a law for all females to be deported to Siberia or Zimbabwe or some sort of abandoned country like that.

(Cut to every female in the world inside a cage in Antarctica, frozen stiff. Cut back to Calvington, C.H.)

Hobbes: Oppressing and dehumanizing the opposite gender, sounds about right.

Calvin: Well what do you think G.R.O.S.S. stands for?!

Hobbes: Get Rid of Slimy girlS if I recall correctly.

Calvin: NOT LIKE THAT DUMMY!

Calvin Citizen 2: G.R.O.S.S. for the win! Down with girls! All hail the Supreme Dictator for Life Calvin!

Calvin: See Hobbes? This guy gets it.

Hobbes: Of course he does...

Calvin Citizen 2: You're new around here aren't you?

Hobbes: I suppose you could say that.

Calvin: I'm Calvin from another universe in which I live in a horrible oppressive wasteland in which nobody recognizes my greatness to the world and has an unsavoring amount of girls.

Calvin Citizen 2: Gosh! That's horrible! How do you make do?

Hobbes: This screams first world problem...

Calvin: Can it furball! Excuse my friend here, but we're seeking to meet with the Calvin of this universe that has managed to take over the world and make things right, so I can learn from him and go back to my own universe and make it as glorious as yours!

Calvin Citizen 2: Well you're in luck! I just so happen to work in the Red House where the Supreme Dictator for Life resides, I can take you two over there to meet him right now!

Calvin: Really? You'd do that for us?

Calvin Citizen 2: Of course! The Supreme Dictator for Life gets Calvin's from other universes all the time trying to learn his ways!

Hobbes: I'd hate to see what those other universes look like...

Calvin Citizen 2: Oh, they're far worse than from the universe this Calvin is describing. We had a Calvin two months ago that lived in a government led by Tigers. Then we had that one over a year ago that was trapped in a monarchy led by Susie Derkins, G.R.O.S.S. Public Enemy #1... And then we had the one who lived in a dictatorship that forced its citizens to build character-

Hobbes: Alright we get it, all these universes plague Calvin in some sort of minuscule way...

Calvin: Those sound like HORRIBLE universes! But I still say nothing can top mine...

(Hobbes groans and rolls his eyes)

Scene 3: The Meeting
(Cuts to Calvin Citizen 2 driving into the Red House, which is basically the White House except its colored red, and it features several statues of Calvin on the lawn)

Calvin: Wow, those statues look beautiful! I can't wait to get them all made once I take over the world back home!

Hobbes: Right... So how successful are these "alternate universe" Calvin's at taking over their world after they met with this Calvin?

Calvin Citizen 2: They have a 100% success rate!

Hobbes: Well that's gonna go down...

Calvin: Shut up fuzzbrain!

(They pull up to the entrance, where there are two Calvin guards)

Calvin Guard 1: Good morning Calvin, got some visitors today?

Calvin Citizen 2: Yep! I'm taking these guys to meet the man itself!

Calvin Guard 2: Cool, they'll be learning from the best. Have fun!

(The three enter)