Calvin and Hobbes: The play

Calvin and Hobbes: The play is a stage play. It was made in 2019.

Script
Scene 1: Sam’s absolutely normal toy store

[It is a dark, rainy night. A bespectacled black-haired white man walks through the streets. He stops at a store. There is a sign that says,”Sam’s Absolutely Normal Toy Store.” The man walks in, and goes up to the eerily empty customer service line.]

 

Clerk: Welcome to Sam’s Absolutely Normal Toy Store! I’m Sam! What do you want?

 

Man: I need a present for my son Calvin. His sixth birthday is tomorrow.

 

Sam: Alright, how much money do you have?

 

Calvin’s dad: Hmm, let me see. [Calvin’s dad pulls out his wallet and looks through it for money. He finds a single ten dollar bill.] Ten dollars. What’s the best thing I can buy with that?

 

Sam: I guess it depends. What does your son like?

 

Calvin’s dad: Well, Calvin likes dinosaurs. I know that.

 

Sam: Sorry, we don’t have any dinosaur-related things here. But we do have this. [Clerk reaches down on the floor and picks up a stuffed tiger, which he proceeds to lift up in the air like it’s a holy relic.] It’s only ten dollars!

 

Calvin’s dad: A stuffed tiger? Is that seriously the best you have?

Sam: No, but it’s not like you can afford anything better, is it?

 

Calvin’s dad: [Looks at the lone ten dollar bill in his wallet.] Alright, I guess it’s better than nothing. [Calvin’s Dad gives the clerk his ten dollar bill, and the clerk hands him the stuffed tiger.]

Sam:Have a nice day![All exit.]

Scene 2:Calvin’s house

[Flash forward to the next morning, which is Calvin’s birthday. We see a six-year-old boy, Calvin, in his bed, sleeping soundly. After a few moments, he wakes up, gets out of bed, and heads downstairs. After heading downstairs, Calvin’s parents jump out and surprise him.]

Calvin’s parents: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CALVIN!

 

Calvin: Alright! What did you get me this year?

 

Calvin’s mom: [Pulls out a present box.] Open up this box and see!

 

Calvin: Alright! [Calvin hastily tears the wrapping paper off of the box and opens the box, and finds the stuffed tiger. This deeply excites him.] Wow! A tiger! Yes!

 

Calvin’s dad: I’m glad you like it.

 

Calvin: Like it? I love it!

 

Calvin’s dad: Then I’m glad you love it. Now let’s have some cake.

[Calvin sits down at the dining room table and puts his stuffed tiger in one of the chairs while his parents get his cake. A moment later, Calvin’s parents come with the birthday cake, a one-dimensional prop with candles on top, and put it on the table. Calvin blows out the candles on the cake. Calvin and his mom pretend to eat some of the cake, while Calvin’s dad proceeds to walk off to his upstairs office.]

Calvin: Why are you going, Dad?

Calvin’s dad: Sorry Calvin, I’ve got some work to do.

 

Calvin’s mom: Really? It’s your son’s birthday and you’re going to WORK?

 

Calvin’s dad: Look, I have to have the report filed by tomorrow, okay? It’s not really my choice.

 

Calvin’s mom: *sigh* Alright. Go work.

 

[Calvin’s dad goes upstairs, Calvin’s mom goes up to her bedroom leaving behind her piece of cake, and Calvin continues to” eat” his piece of cake. Suddenly, his stuffed tiger starts glowing with an otherworldly light, and gets tossed off stage by a real tiger. The tiger moves to the chair that Calvin’s mom was in and starts “eating” her piece of cake. Calvin is shocked by this event.]

 

Calvin: Hey! That’s my mom’s!

 

Tiger: Oh, sorry about that.

 

Calvin[Now even more shocked]: Wait, you can talk?

Tiger: Of course I can. All tigers can talk, right?

 

Calvin: Actually, they can’t.

Tiger: Huh. I didn’t know that.

Calvin: What’s your name?

 

Tiger: What’s a name?

 

Calvin: You don’t know what a name is?

Tiger: No. What is it?

 

Calvin: It’s what people call you.

Tiger: In that case, I don’t have a name. Nobody has ever called me anything. I just laid around in a toy store for 10 years.

 

Calvin: Then I’ll give you a name. Hmmmmm, how does “Hobbes” sound?

 

Tiger: Hobbes. Hobbes. Hobbes? Hobbes! I like that name.

 

Calvin: Then that’s what I’ll call you.

 

Hobbes: Alright! By the way, what made you choose “Hobbes?” It seems a bit random.

 

Calvin: It’s my grandfather’s name.

 

Hobbes: Ah.

 

Calvin: Want to play outside?

 

Hobbes: Sure.

Scene 3: Calvin’s backyard

[Calvin and Hobbes go outside into the back yard. We see them playing, and as they play, the song “You’ve got a friend in me,” plays, which hopefully won’t get me sued by Pixar. In the montage, first Calvin and Hobbes play football, with Calvin trying to get to Hobbes’ imaginary end zone and then getting tackled by Hobbes. Then Calvin and Hobbes are throwing snowballs at a six-year-old girl walking by. Next, we see Calvin and Hobbes running like heck from a little black snake. Afterwards, Calvin and Hobbes play in Calvin’s sandbox, just kinda making sand hills, until Hobbes chucks some sand at Calvin, and then Calvin tosses some sand at Hobbes, and they both throw sand at each other and a big dust cloud appears and obstructs the screen. When the dust settles, we see Calvin and Hobbes in a now empty sandbox, smiling. Finally, we see Calvin and Hobbes in the evening, catching and releasing fireflies.]

Calvin’s Mom: [Off-stage] Calvin, time to come in for dinner!

 

Calvin: Do I have to?

 

Calvin’s Mom: Yes!

Calvin: *sigh* Alright!

 

Calvin’s Mom: And stop playing that record!

 

Calvin: Fine! [Calvin goes to a record player, which had been onstage playing the music, and turns it off] Want to come inside with me for dinner, Hobbes?

 

Hobbes: Sure. I haven’t eaten all day.

 

Calvin: Alright, then. [Calvin and Hobbes head inside.]

Scene 4: Calvin’s House (Again)

[Calvin goes to the dinner table, Hobbes walking close behind him. When Calvin gets close to the dinner table, where his parents are sitting, Hobbes mysteriously transforms back into a stuffed tiger. Whenever this happens, someone backstage throws the stuffed Hobbes into Calvin’s hands, and the real Hobbes goes backstage.]

 

Calvin: Come on, Hobbes, keep moving! [Hobbes stays motionless.] Alright, I’ll carry you, you big baby. [Calvin carries Hobbes to the dinner table, sits down in a chair, and puts Hobbes in the vacant chair next to him. There is “food” at the dinner table, specifically a salad.]

 

Calvin’s mom: Calvin, don’t we have a “no toys at the dinner table” rule?

 

Calvin: Yeah, but I didn’t bring any toys.

 

Calvin’s mom: Then what do you call that? [Points to Hobbes.]

 

Calvin: Oh, that’s my new tiger best friend Hobbes.

 

[Calvin’s mom looks at Hobbes with confusion and disbelief.]

Calvin’s dad: That’s a stuffed tiger, Calvin.

 

Calvin: Hobbes isn’t stuffed. He hasn’t even eaten yet.

 

Calvin’s dad: Ah, okay.

 

Calvin: What’s for dinner? I need to know so that I can complain about it.

 

Calvin’s mom: A dried troll head with bugs on top.

 

Calvin: Yecch! Disgusting! [Calvin proceeds to “eat” away.]

 

Calvin’s dad: We have to find a better way to get him to eat.

 

Calvin’s mom: Agreed.

Calvin: [finishes his food] May I be excused?

 

Calvin’s mom: No.

 

Calvin: But it’s boring being at the table!

 

Calvin’s dad: Being bored builds character.

 

[Calvin and his mom groan in displeasure at the lame catchphrase of Calvin’s dad.] Calvin’s mom: Hey, I think your bath is ready, Calvin.

Calvin: Ah, mom, do I HAVE to take a bath?

 

Calvin’s mom: Yes.

 

Calvin: Yeah, you’re right. But you’ll have to catch me first! [Calvin runs like heck through the house, his mother close behind him. Calvin runs through the dining room, the living room, and finally the bathroom before his mom grabs him and lowers him into the bath.]

 

Calvin: Darn it!

Calvin’s mom: Oh, come on. Is it really that bad being in the bath?

Calvin: Yes, it is that bad!

 

Calvin’s mom: Well, tough. [Calvin’s mom exits the bathroom and goes back to the dinner table, where her husband awaits.]

 

Calvin’s dad: Do you think we should tell Calvin?

Calvin’s mom: Tell him what?

 

Calvin’s dad: That his new friend “Hobbes” is imaginary.

 

Calvin’s mom: Oh, I think he knows. Besides, he doesn’t really have any friends. He needs things like this.

Calvin’s dad: Yeah, I agree. And I find it really nice that he named his tiger after my father.

 

Calvin’s mom: I know, right? We should probably play along for now.

 

Calvin’s dad: Yeah, you’re right.

[Cut to Calvin in the bath, looking very frustrated. Suddenly, the bubbles in his bath start forming into a strange being, a monster of sorts, and upon seeing this, Calvin’s look of frustration on his face turns to fear.]

 

Bubble Monster: [Talks through an audio recording.] Aha! I’ve got you now, kid!

 

Calvin: AAAUUGH! Mom! Dad! Hobbes! Anyone! HELP!

 

Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, quiet down! And quit that splashing; I don’t want to have to clean the whole bathroom!

 

Bubble Monster: Have a drink! Hee ha ha ha ha! [Bubble Monster pulls Calvin under the water, and Calvin starts drowning. Suddenly, Hobbes, who is real again, jumps into the tub and pulls the plug in the tub, which drains the water, saves Calvin, and kills the Bubble Monster, who goes down the drain.]

 

Bubble Monster: Noooo! Aaargh! [goes down the drain, never to be seen again, or at least not for the rest of this episode.]

 

Calvin: [Grabs a towel, then turns to Hobbes] You saved me!

 

Hobbes: No problem, pal.

 

Calvin: Pal? You think you’re my pal?

 

Hobbes: Yeah, am I wrong?

 

Calvin: You bet you’re wrong! You’re not my pal, you’re my friend.

 

Hobbes: Is there a difference?

 

Calvin: I don’t know. I just like the word “friend” more.

 

Hobbes: Then that’s what we’ll go with!

 

Calvin: Alright!

 

[Calvin’s mom walks in to the bathroom. Hobbes once turns back into a normal stuffed tiger. ] Calvin’s mom: Did you drain the tub already?

 

Calvin: Actually, Hobbes did. But don’t judge him. It was a matter of life and death.

Calvin’s mom: Right. Well, it’s bedtime now.

 

Calvin: But it’s still early!

 

Calvin’s mom: It’s 8:00 PM, Calvin!

Calvin: See? Plenty of daylight left!

 

Calvin’s mom: Just go to bed, okay?

 

Calvin: Ugh. Alright.

 

[Calvin starts brushing his teeth with an onstage toothbrush. Calvin’s mom exits. Hobbes goes back to being a real tiger.]

 

Hobbes: What are you doing?

Calvin: Brushing my teeth.

 

Hobbes: Why?

 

Calvin: To keep them clean.

Hobbes: That looks like it’s very mind-numbing.

 

Calvin: It is.

 

[After finishing brushing his teeth, Calvin heads to his bed, Hobbes in tow. Calvin gets some pajamas from a dresser and puts them on. Then Calvin gets into bed with Hobbes. Calvin is very cranky.]

 

Calvin: This is outrage! I’m not even tired yet! It’s only 8:00! I shouldn’t have to go to bed this earl- [Calvin falls asleep] ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

 

Hobbes: Good night, buddy. [Pats sleeping Calvin on the head. Calvin smiles and subconsciously murmurs “good night.” Hobbes goes to sleep too.]

Scene 5: Calvin’s head

[After the events of the previous segment, Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. 4 little Calvins are seen changing the stage, leaving nothing but Calvin and Hobbes in their bed. The scene changes into becomes a dark and murky dump, where two little Calvins wearing helmets, one helmet red and the other green, are searching around for something.]

 

Red-helmeted Calvin, or “Reddy”: Darn it, why do we have to go here? It’s so dark and murky.

 

Green-helmeted Calvin, or “Greeny”: Yeah, I know it’s dark and murky. It says so in the script.

“Reddy”: What script?

 

“Greeny”: Uh, nothing. [“Greeny” looks nervous. He should look nervous; cartoon characters are not supposed to break the 4th wall. Doing so is considered a misdemeanor and is punishable by law with a fine of up to $800. But I digress.]

 

“Reddy”: I thought so. [Pulls what appears to be a movie reel out of the dark and murky dump.] Hey, look what I found!

 

“Greeny”: It’s a dream reel!

 

“Reddy”: Let’s bring it back to headquarters.

 

“Greeny”: Alright!

 

[“Reddy” and “Greeny” walk back to their onstage headquarters, which is a big round and purple building. Upon arriving inside, they are greeted by their two fellow miniature Calvins, one wearing a blue helmet, the other an orange helmet.]

 

Orange-helmeted Calvin, or “Orangey”: Did you find anything?

 

“Greeny”: Yeah, boss. We got a dream reel here. [Points to the one in “Reddy’s” hands.]

 

Blue-helmeted Calvin, or “Bluey”: Alright, let’s play it. [“Bluey” takes the dream reel from “Reddy” and puts it in a projector. It starts playing a dream.]

 

“Orangey”: It’s starting!

 

“Bluey”: Get out the popcorn!

 

[The events of the dream are shown as a sock puppet show. In the dream, a rooster in a barn is eating a sandwich. A cow walks in.]

 

Cow: Hey, I heard it’s a full moon tonight. Get it? MOOn?

 

Rooster: Yeah, I get it. I just don’t want it. [A robot walks in.]

 

Robot: Hello. Please give me oil.

 

Rooster: Sorry. No oil here, pal.

 

Robot: Oh, okay.[Robot explodes.]

 

Cow: Dang. That guy was nuts.

Rooster: And bolts.

 

[Both the rooster and the cow laugh. The dream reel stops playing. Calvin subconsciously murmurs “This stinks.”]

 

“Reddy”: Ugh, that was awful!

“Greeny”: [Holding three other dream reels that he went offstage to get.] Maybe one of these dream reels will be better.

 

“Bluey”: Where’d you get those?

 

“Greeny”: I don’t know. They were just important to the plot, I guess. [“Greeny” looks worried. He should; he just broke the 4th wall again, which again, is a misdemeanor.] Errr.. yeah, I don’t know.

 

“Orangey”: Let’s play these. They might be good.

 

“Reddy”: Alright. [Takes one of the dream reels and puts it in the projector.]

 

[Cuts to the events of the dream. A still image of a man and a woman in a restaurant is shown. After 30 seconds, Calvin subconsciously says, “Get on with it!”]

 

“Greeny”: Ugh! What is this?!

 

“Orangey”: I think it’s some sort of suspense movie!

 

“Bluey”: Let’s stop playing it! [Pulls the dream reel out of the dream projector.]

 

“Greeny”: Maybe this one will be good. [Takes one of his two remaining dream reels and puts it in the dream projector. In the dream, which is another sock puppet show, we see a little boy, not Calvin, petting a puppy.]

“Bluey”: Aww. This one actually looks pretty good.

 

[But “Bluey” spoke too soon. The puppy’s teeth turn into fangs, the puppy’s fur goes from being white to black, the eyes of the puppy turn red, and the puppy grows tremendously. It then proceeds to eat the boy, chomping him up. As he is devoured, the little boy screams in terror, as do the Calvins. Calvin subconsciously murmurs “Too scary.”]

“Reddy”: OH MY GOSH THIS IS SO SCARY! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! [Takes the dream reel out of the projector.] That was no dream reel; that was a nightmare reel. [Stomps on the “nightmare reel”.]

 

“Greeny”: Maybe this one will be good. [Puts the sole remaining dream reel in the projector.]

 

[In the events of the dream, which is another sockpuppet show, there is a man talking to another man.]

 

Man#1: Hola, como esta libro.

 

Man#2: De nada; por favor como se dice hasta luego hora hes.

Man#1:Si, bano cara.

 

[Calvin subconsciously murmurs “Uno taco, por favor.” “Orangey” unplugs the projector.]

 

“Orangey”: That one made no sense! It was in some sort of bizarre alien codewords.

 

“Reddy”: That’s Spanish, sir. It’s a commonly spoken language.

“Greeny”: Yeah, well, we don’t speak it! Maybe in the Spanish version of this play we do, but not in the English version!

 

“Orangey”: Stop breaking the 4th wall! It’s a misdemeanor in 30 states! We’ll be fined!

 

“Bluey”: Does anyone besides me notice that we just spliced a bunch of weird nonsense together? You know what that means?

 

“Greeny”: That this was one heck of a weird scene? [“Orangey” slaps him.]

 

Bluey: No! It means that poor Calvin must have had one weird night!

 

[The scene changes back to Calvin’s bed, where Calvin has just woken up. It is now morning.]

Scene 6: Calvin’s home III

[It is a beautiful sunny morning. Calvin and Hobbes are still asleep after the events of the previous segment. Hobbes wakes up, Calvin still asleep. Hobbes stares at his wrist as if he has a watch, waiting for Calvin to get up. He gets tired of waiting.]

 

Hobbes: Wake up, Calvin! [Shakes Calvin awake.]

 

Calvin: Yeargh! I’m not a pirate! I’m just a seagull! [Opens his eyes] Huh? Oh, good morning Hobbes.

Hobbes: Good morning.

 

Calvin: Whoa, I had so many strange dreams. I wonder what they all mean. [Suddenly realizes something]Hey, it’s Saturday! Yay! [Calvin starts excitedly dancing and chanting the word “Saturday”.]

 

Hobbes: Why are you so happy about that?

 

Calvin: I don’t have to go to school today!

Hobbes: What’s school?

Calvin: A horrible place where you get imprisoned and tortured for 6 hours straight on a daily basis.

 

Hobbes: I see.

 

Calvin: But I don’t have to go today!

 

Hobbes: Neat.

Calvin: We’re gonna do all sorts of stuff today!

 

Hobbes: Like what?

 

Calvin: We’re gonna eat cereal and watch cartoons!

 

Hobbes: What else?

Calvin: That’s it.

 

Hobbes: Sounds like a plan to me!

 

[Calvin and Hobbes go out to the dining room, going through the kitchen on the way, where Calvin grabs a box of his favorite cereal, “Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs” from the pantry.]

Calvin: Alright!

 

Hobbes: [Looks at box.] I don’t know, Calvin. The box says that there are “30 grams of sugar per serving”.

 

Calvin: Soooooooooo?

 

Hobbes: Don’t you think that’s a lot?

 

Calvin: Yeah. Which means it’s gonna taste great!

Hobbes: Well, alright. [Calvin and Hobbes have a bite of the cereal.]

 

[We then see Calvin and Hobbes running and jumping around spastically due to a severe sugar buzz.]

 

Calvin: OH MY GOSH, I AM SO SUGARED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hobbes: ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Calvin: THIS WAS NOT A GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hobbes: I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Calvin: MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE IT’S ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hobbes: YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE A GIANT ICE CREAM CONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Calvin: SO DOES YOURS, FUZZ-FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hobbes: DON’T CALL ME FUZZ-FACE, FUZZ-FACE!!!!!!!!

 

Calvin: THAT’S THE LAST SPOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Calvin and Hobbes punch each other senselessly, which after a few moments, stops due to the sugar buzz wearing off. Calvin and Hobbes both collapse on the ground, exhausted.]

Calvin: Let’s never eat that cereal again.

Hobbes: Agreed.

 

Calvin: Wanna watch cartoons now?

 

Hobbes: Sure.

 

[Calvin manages to get up and go to the TV and turns it on, then turns the knob on it until the cartoon channel comes on. Hobbes stays down and merely sits up when the TV comes on. Calvin also sits down. They both watch the TV. A Looney Tunes cartoon comes on, which hopefully won’t get me sued by Warner Brothers, but is immediately interrupted by a breaking news story.]

 

News anchor: We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you a boring and completely pointless news story! President Reagan is blah blah blah blah..[The blah blah blahs continue. Calvin turns off the TV.]

 

Calvin: I can’t believe they interrupted the cartoon channel to bring us this drivel!

 

Hobbes: Well, you wanna do something else?

 

Calvin: Hmmmm…. Oh, I know! [Calvin looks above his head, expecting to see a lightbulb. He doesn’t see one.] Shouldn’t there be a lightbulb above my head?

 

Hobbes: What do you expect? This is a low-budget play.

 

Calvin: Oh, yeah. Anyway, lightbulb or no lightbulb, I’ve got an idea for something we could do! [Runs off to get an empty fish bowl on the kitchen counter.] Here’s your space helmet, Hobbes! [Puts fish bowl on Hobbes’ head. It fits perfectly.]

 

Hobbes: Alright!

 

Calvin: Let’s get started, shall we? [The world around Calvin and Hobbes drastically changes from a simple living room to outer space inside of a small red spaceship, all courtesy of a screen in the background. A special rainbow light shines down on the stage, to show that this is Calvin’s imagination. Whenever reality shifts back to the real world, the light stops shining.]

 

Calvin: Here’s Spaceman Spiff and his trusty sidekick Mort in their spaceship!

Hobbes: Hold on, how come I’m the sidekick?

 

Spaceman Spiff: Because this was my idea.

 

Mort: Oh.

 

Spiff: Our heroes set out in pursuit of new planets!

 

[Calvin and Hobbes go outside the house in real life. In their imaginations, they’re flying through space in a spaceship.]

Scene 7: Outside

Spiff: [looks at the fuel gauge in the ship.] Oh no, we’re running low on fuel!

 

Mort: Where’s the nearest gas station?

 

Spiff: 5,000 Megazorks away!

 

Mort: That’s not good.

 

Spiff: Oh no! We’re going to crash!

 

Mort: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

[Spaceman Spiff and Mort’s ship starts rapidly falling, the two spacemen screaming all the way. In reality, Calvin and Hobbes are walking across somebody’s lawn and trip and fall down in the grass.]

Calvin: It appears that we’ve crash-landed on some strange alien planet.

Hobbes: Yeah. [Reality switches back to the Spaceman Spiff world, where Spiff and Mort have indeed crash-landed on some strange alien planet. An old man with a walking stick comes out of the house that has the lawn Calvin and Hobbes are on.]

 

Old man: Get off my lawn, you whippersnappers! [Cut back to the Spaceman Spiff reality, where the old man is portrayed as a giant, monstrous alien.]

 

Spiff: Oh no! Our heroes have run into a bloodthirsty Zonk warrior! Our heroes pull out their Atomic Napalm Neutralizers! [Spiff and Mort indeed pull out their Atomic Napalm Neutralizers, which are merely “finger guns” made by Calvin and Hobbes. Spiff and Mort fire their Neutralizers at the “Zonk warrior”.] Bang! [Fires a shot; reality shifts to the real world.]

 

Hobbes: Kapow! [Fires a shot; reality goes back to the Spaceman Spiff universe.]

 

Spiff: Zap! [Fires a shot; no reality shift]

 

“Zonk warrior”: What the heck is going on here?

 

Mort: Kazam! [Fires off a shot; reality shifts back to the real world and Mort back to Hobbes]Our weapons are ineffective! We need more firepower!

 

Calvin: Yeah, and besides, we’re running out of sound effects! Zoink! [Fires off a shot; reality shifts back to the Spiff world and Calvin becomes Spaceman Spiff.] Would this be enough firepower? [Pulls an apple out of his pocket.]

 

Mort: A plasma grenade?! Yeah, that’ll definitely cut it. Toss it, quick!

 

[Spiff tosses the “plasma grenade” at the “Zonk warrior”, and an explosion sound plays. When this happens, things shift back to reality, where Calvin threw an apple at the old man, and the old man catches the apple.]

 

Old man: I wish I could eat this, but I left my dentures on my nightstand!

 

[Cut back to the Spaceman Spiff dimension, where the plasma grenade blew up the “Zonk warrior,” who exits the stage but also Spiff and Mort.]

 

Spiff: [Dying] Goodnight, sweet tiger.

 

Mort: [Also dying and speaking in a British accent for no apparent reason] Farewell, old chap.

 

[Spiff and Mort collapse on the ground, dead. Cut to the real world, where Calvin and Hobbes have also collapsed, although they immediately get up.]

 

Calvin: Did you have fun, Hobbes?

 

Hobbes: Yeah.

 

Calvin: [Looks at his wrist as though he has a watch] Hm. It’s only 7:30. Want to go back to bed?

 

Hobbes: Sure.[All exit]

[Everyone goes on stage and bows. They then exit.]