Home Alone, sorta Transcript

Scene 1: The late reservation
(Episode Starts with Calvin sleeping at his desk)

Hobbes: Figures the kid would fall asleep from "boredom" from doing his homework.

(Commotion going on downstairs)

Hobbes: What's going on?

(Cuts to Downstairs)

Mr. Grayson: I can't believe we forgot about our reservation!

Mrs. Grayson: Hurry! Get in the car!

(Calvin's Parents drive off)

Mrs. Grayson: We didn't forget anything did we?

Mr. Grayson: Nope, we're good.

(Cuts back to Calvin's room)

Hobbes: Calvin, wake up.

Calvin: Wha? Did I fall asleep from boredom like I predicted?

Hobbes: Yes, surprisingly...

Calvin: See, I told you I would!

Hobbes: Calvin, we have bigger problems right now.

Calvin: What do you mean?

Hobbes: Well, from the sound of it, your parents forgot they were going out for the night, and they forgot to ask Rosalyn to babysit, so basically, we're home alone right now.

Calvin: How's that a problem? Think of it! We can do almost anything without Rosalyn around!

Hobbes: That's the problem, you without any adult supervision equals mass chaos.

Calvin: Oh come on furball, what's the worse that can happen?

Scene 2: The bandits
(Cuts to two people hiding in a bush)

Harry: So that's the place we're robbing Marv?

Marv: For the millionth time, yes you fool.

Harry: Why are we robbing a place out here again?

Marv: Simple, its because we don't have that stupid kid anymore to deal with, considering he's way past his prime and now a deranged pyschopath, and since there isn't anyone to stop us, this robbery will be easy.

Harry: Everytime you say that we get arrested.

Marv: Shut up Harry and lets just go and rob this and get outta here.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes watching TV with snacks and drinks)

Hobbes: I've changed my mind, this isn't bad at all.

Calvin: See? I told you.

(Rumbling is heard)

Hobbes: What was that?

(Cuts to Harry and Marv trying to get in through the door)

Harry: I don't think this door is going to work Marv.

Marv: I told you that already and you didn't listen! Come on, lets try through the chimmney.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes looking out a window)

Hobbes: Those guys look like The Wet Bandits from Home Alone.

Calvin: They do, so you know what we need to do right?

Hobbes: Call 911?

Calvin: What? Heck no, make booby traps to outsmart those chumps.

Hobbes: Oh boy, Kevin McCallister would be proud...

Calvin: Of course he would! Because I'm a genius!

Scene 3: The plan
(Calvin is sitting at his desk, drawing on a piece of posterboard while Hobbes is reading a comic book.)

Calvin: Voila! We're done!

Hobbes: Let me see.

(Hobbes looks at the posterboard)

Hobbes: This is just copied off the big scene in Home Alone.

Calvin: So?

Hobbes: We'll probably get sued by 20th Century Fox...

(Cut to the chimney)

Marv: You go first, Harry.

(Harry climbs in the chimney and fails.)

Harry: I'm...too...fat!

Marv: Sucker. Let's try the front door. He probably accidentally unlocked it.

Harry: OK. Now help me get out!

(Cut to the front steps)

Hobbes: Are you sure this is going to work?

Calvin: If Macaulay Culkin can do it, I can do it!

Hobbes: Not exactly...

(Cut to inside of Cumberland House of Pizza.)

Mr. Grayson: This is a nice oppurtunity to get out once in a while.

Mrs. Grayson: I feel like we forgot to do something.

Mr. Grayson: No, we had everything.

Mrs. Grayson: Um...no...(thinks for a moment) Oh crapapples! We forgot to hire Rosalyn!

Mr. Grayson: Oh, no! What do we do?

Mrs. Grayson: Call Calvin and ask if he's OK.

(Cut to the Grayson's house)

Calvin: OK, everything's set up.

(The phone rings)

Calvin: I'll get it. (picks up the phone) Yello?

Mrs. Grayson: Calvin, is that you?

Calvin: Yeah.

Mrs. Grayson: Oh, thank god! How are things going?

Calvin: There are a few burglars on the loose and they've raided the house, so we set up booby traps all over the house.

Mrs. Grayson: Whatever you do, don't bring the house down! I love you.

Calvin: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Bye (Hangs up)

Mr. Grayson: What's Calvin up to?

Mrs. Grayson: Something about setting up booby traps for burglars trying to break in, probably his imagination.

Mr. Grayson: I got to find a Pyschologist for that kid...

(Cuts back to Robbers)

Marv: (Struggling to open door) Come on... (Kicks it open) Ha! Got it!

(Commercial Break)

​Scene 4: The aftermath
Harry: Alright Marv, you get the upstairs, I'll get the kitchen.

Marv: Got it.

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes in Calvin's room)

Hobbes: Their in the house!

Calvin: Alright Hobbes, now its time for Plan B.

Hobbes: You mean Plan A already failed?!

Calvin: Nah, I'm just doing this just in case Plan A fails. (Runs into his closet and comes back out in his Stupendous Man costume) Ta-da! It is I! Stupendous Man!

Hobbes: I'm just going to hide in the closet until this mess blows over.

Calvin: Wimp.

(Cuts to Marv walking up the stairs)

Marv: Alright, I'll- (Slips on some paint and falls down to the bottom of the stairs)

Harry: (Comes in) What happened?

Marv: Someone put PAINT on the stairs!

Harry: What? Your probably just unbalanced like always. (Starts walking up the stairs, then Calvin appears and throws a bucket at the two filled with mud)

Calvin: Take that suckers! (Runs off)

Marv: Another one...

Harry: What is it with kids being left home alone these days?! I'll put an end to it THIS time! Lets get him! (They run upstairs without issue)

Marv: Hey Harry, you want me to rob some stuff out of that room? (Points to Calvin's Parents room)

Harry: Yeah sure, I don't care, I'll get the kid.

(Calvin runs into the bathroom, and locks the door.)

Harry: Open the door, kid. Or your parents will never find your remains!

Calvin: You sound like Rosalyn. See ya!

(Harry uses a crowbar to break down the door.)

Harry: Here's Harry!

Calvin: Stop referencing The Shining. That movie is creepy enough as is.

(Calvin drops out the window.)

Harry: MARV! HE'S DEAD!

Marv: Cool!

(Calvin's parents arrive home.)

Mrs. Grayson: If there is really burglars, I have a weapon. (grabs her purse)

Mr. Grayson: That might be a little too weak...

(Mrs. Grayson goes into the garage and pulls out a chainsaw.)

Mr. Grayson: Too strong...

(Mrs. Grayson pulls out a baseball bat.

Mr. Grayson: Perfect.

(Calvin's parents approach the door as Harry and Marv exit the house.)

Mrs. Grayson: HEY!! PUT THAT STUFF DOWN!!!!

(Mrs. Grayson whacks the burglars with a baseball bat.)

Marv: OWW!!! STOP WHACKING US, LADY!

Mrs. Grayson: Not unless you return our jewelry.

Harry: OK, OK, fine!

(The burglars put the jewelry in Mrs. Grayson's purse. Mrs. Grayson runs in and hugs Calvin.)

Mrs. Grayson: Calvin, thank god you're safe!

Calvin: Yeah, yeah. I just saved our butts again.

Mrs. Grayson: Good. You're grounded.

Calvin: What? Why?

Mr. Grayson: When you look at it, the house is DESTROYED!!!

(Calvin and his parents begin to argue. Fade to black.)

Voice Cast
Tom Kenny as Calvin

Owen Wilson as Hobbes

Paul Rudd as Tom Grayson

Scarlett Johansson as Anna Grayson

Special Guest Voice: Joe Pesci as Harry

Special Guest Voice: Daniel Stern as Marv