Calvin the Kids Show Bounty Hunter (Part 1) Transcript

Scene 1: The bounty hunter
(Episode starts with Calvin and Hobbes walking down the street.)

Calvin: Seems like we did just about everything today.

Hobbes: Sure. We ate heart stopping cereal, gobbled it up in front of our favorite cartoons, and then your dad kicked us outside.

Calvin: Then we had a G.R.O.S.S. meeting and played three rounds of Calvinball.

Hobbes: Now we're here with nothing to do.

Calvin: I got some pocket change. Let's go to that certain 7-Eleven.

Hobbes: The one where we found Macaulay Culkin?

Calvin: Yeah. Let's go.

(Calvin and Hobbes exit 7-Eleven, and they stroll home.)

Hobbes: Pass me some Diet Coke, will ya?

(Calvin tosses Hobbes the bottle of Diet Coke and Hobbes slurps it down.)

Calvin: Hey! You should save some for me!

Hobbes: You drank half the bottle.

Calvin: True. It's 2:30. Let's see what's on TV.

(Now Calvin and Hobbes watch TV, with Calvin flipping through channels)

Calvin: Lets see, boring... boring... boring... ew, not Peppa Pig... blech, not Super Why!, gah! Not the Cat in the Hat! Ew, not Sid the Science Kid...GAH! NOT CAILLOU! ANYTHING BUT THAT! ANYTHING!

Hobbes: Okay, I think we get your commentary...

Calvin: Why on earth are all the horrendous kiddie shows on today? There is nothing good on! Just all this junk nobody wants to watch! I really wish I could just wipe these shows off the face of the earth!

Hobbes: I mean you can, in the wacko imagination of yours.

Calvin: Oh shut up.

(Doorbell rings)

Calvin: Go get that would ya? I'm trying to see if there is anything good on.

Hobbes: Sure...

(Hobbes goes to the door to see a man in a trench coat and a hat on.)

Hobbes: Uh, can I help you?

Bounty Hunter: In fact, yes you can strange talking tiger. I'm looking for a Calvin Grayson.

Hobbes: What did he do this time?

Bounty Hunter: Nothing, I want to speak with him about an exciting opportunity.

Hobbes: Sure... Come right in... I guess....

Calvin: Who's here Hobbes?

Hobbes: Some guy that wants to talk to you about an "exciting opportunity"

Calvin: Um, okay...

(Calvin gets up only to bump into the Bounty Hunter)

Calvin: Gah!

Bounty Hunter: Well, if it isn't the kid himself...

Calvin: Do I know you?

Bounty Hunter: No, but I know who you are.

Calvin: Okay, who gave you my address?

Bounty Hunter: Nobody. I want to talk to you about joining me in my quest to rid the world of baby show characters.

Calvin: Wait what?

Hobbes: Please tell me this a joke.

Bounty Hunter: I'm a Bounty Hunter that gets rid of baby show characters, and I've been looking for someone to help me. And I overheard your conversation with your tiger friend, and I'm inviting you to help me.

Calvin: What's in for me?

Bounty Hunter: Well... a new adventure... money depending on how things work out... lots of cool weapons...

Calvin: No need to say anymore! I'm in! (Shakes hand with Bounty Hunter)

Hobbes: Oh no, don't even THINK about dragging me along...

Bounty Hunter: I wasn't going to invite you anyway.

Hobbes: Good, I'd rather not get killed.

Calvin: Alright, so while I'm gone, Hobbes, you're in charge of all my duties.

Hobbes: What duties?

(The Bounty Hunter presses a button on his watch, and he and Calvin are sucked into the TV.)

Hobbes: Hoo boy. I'd love to see how this thing turns out.

Scene 2: The first extermination
Calvin and the Bounty Hunter wind up in Peppa Pig)

Calvin: Woah, where are we?

Bounty Hunter: Right now, we're in Peppa Pig.

Calvin: I get to kill more than just Peppa right?

Bounty Hunter: Of course! The more the better.

Calvin: Excellent...

Bounty Hunter: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be relaxing at that swimming pool they have in this town.

Calvin: OK. What do I do?

Bounty Hunter: Apparently, I sucked us into the episode Sleepover. Exterminate Peppa and her friends, and try to exterminate Mommy Pig and the Zebra parents and the creepy zebra twins too. Here's a rifle, do what you can with it.

Calvin: Thanks. Come and get it, you kids show nimrods.

(Calvin sneaks onto a street, and hitches onto a car. It is Peppa Pig's car. The car parks at a nearby house.

Peppa Pig: Hello, Zoe!

Zoe Zebra: Hi, Peppa!

Mommy Pig: I'll pick you up in the morning. Bye, bye, Peppa.

Peppa: Bye!

(Calvin falls asleep. He then wakes up in the front yard. He gets up, and knocks on the door. Mommy Zebra answers.)

Calvin: Hello. (Shoots rifle at Mommy Zebra, killing her.) Ha! Eat that! Now to kill the rest.

(Calvin barges in the house. He sees the zebra twins coming down the stairs.)

Calvin: Oh, hey, twins. (shoots rifle at them, killing them) Alright! You two are off my hit list. Now to exterminate Daddy Zebra. And the five friends.

(Daddy Zebra exits the living room.)

Daddy Zebra: Wait, who are you?

Calvin: A henchman. (shoots rifle at him, killing him) NICE! That's one more in the bag!

(Calvin kicks the door down to the Zebras living room, where Peppa and her friends are telling their story.)

Suzy Sheep: Once there was a beautiful princess. Now your turn, Peppa.

Peppa: And she lived in the forest

Rebecca Rabbit: She was very pretty.

Emily Elephant: She met a big giant that went like...(gets cut off by Calvin shooting her into the piano.)

Calvin: YES!

Zoe: Who are you?

Calvin: I'm a henchman for a bounty hunter. (shoots Zoe, Suzy, and Rebecca into pieces)

Peppa: Why are you here?

Calvin: I guess it's time for us to brawl!

(Peppa and Zoe stare at Calvin blankly)

Calvin: Oh, you don't want to fight? That's fine, makes my job a whole lot easier.

(Calvin shoots but they both doge it)

Zoe: I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

(Zoe runs to the phone and dials 911)

Police Man: 911, what's your emergency.

Zoe: A creature broke into my house and is trying to kill-

(Calvin shoots at Zoe, but the bullet hits the telephone, bounces off the wall, and a piece of the ceiling crushes Zoe)

Calvin: One more to go...

(Calvin notices Peppa already out of the house making a run for it)

Calvin: Oh no, she isn't getting that far.

(Calvin runs outside to see if he can use anything to catch Peppa. He sees a car and hops in it and starts driving)

Calvin: HA HA! I'M COMING FOR YOU PIG!

(Cuts to Peppa's house, Daddy Pig is reading the paper outside)

Daddy: Ah... What a nice day to do absolutely nothing.

Peppa: DADDY! DADDY!

Daddy: What is it, Peppa?

Peppa: There is a weird stranger with bad hair and a rifle and he interrupted our sleepover!

Daddy: Oh, no. That's terrible! Have you seen him recently?

(The car crashes into the house, and we hear George Pig dying.)

Peppa: Right there.

Daddy: Oh, no! George! He died!

Calvin: Darn right, you fatty.

Daddy: What?

(Calvin shoots him in the stomach. He rolls down the hill.)

Peppa: Why are you doing this?

Calvin: I actually hate shows like yours. (shoots at Peppa, but misses. He realizes she has disappeared.) Well, she's gone. Well, I guess it's time to kill everyone else!

(Calvin goes on a rampage through the city, killing Madam Gazelle, the Dog family, the Cat family, and several others.) He encounters Peppa on the streets.)

Peppa: It's time I put an end to this!

(Peppa blows a raspberry at Calvin. Calvin rolls his eyes and shoots Peppa.)

Calvin: Done. Now to find the Bounty Hunter.

(Cut to the swimming pool, where the Bounty Hunter relaxes. The car crashes and sinks to the bottom of the pool. Calvin swims to shore.)

Bounty Hunter: Hey, Cal. How was the rampage?

Calvin: I exterminated just about everyone.

Bounty Hunter: Nice. Next show, Super Why!!!

Calvin: Great. The pointless show of teaching six year olds how to read.

Scene 3: The second extermination
(Calvin and the Bounty Hunter Arrive in Super Why!)

Bounty Hunter: Alright Cal, we're in Super Why! now. Ready to eliminate more annoying cartoon characters off the face of the Earth?

Calvin: You bet I am! I was born ready!

Bounty Hunter: Excellent! This time I'm going to assist you, since these charcters actually have super powers.

Calvin: But aren't their powers just based off reading and junk like that?

Bounty Hunter: Well, yes but, we don't know what other powers they may be keeping from us.

Calvin: True. Alright, lets go exterminating!