Can Opener Catastrophe Transcript

Scene 1
(In the biology lab, Andy is drilling a nail in Hobbes's can opener)

Andy: Here you go, Hobbes. Check out my latest invention.

Hobbes: Sorry, what is it again?

Andy: A super sophisticated and powerful anti-theft alarm system. Mrs. Jacobson's culinary creations will be protected from now on.

Hobbes: You invented something just for me? Something to protect my greatest love, my tuna?

Andy: Right.

Hobbes: Wow!

Andy: Now let me show you how it works.

(Andy takes the can opener from Hobbes)

Hobbes: Hey, give it back!

Andy: There's invisible super-sticky tape around the can opener's handles. If a thief decides to take the can opener to steal your tuna, the tape will super-stick on his hands. You follow?

Hobbes: But why would a thief put his hands on the can opener if he can take off the tape?

Andy: Because the tape is now magnetic. The only way to take it off, is with this remote control, like a car door.

(Andy takes out a remote control and takes the tape off the handles and puts it back on)

Hobbes: Whoa!

Andy: And when he tries to get his hand off the tape, he'll activate the alarm which happens to be the loudest and most terrifying sound known to man!

Hobbes: Why don't you hang onto it after lunch?

(Calvin walks in)

Calvin: I knew I'd find you guys here. Hey, Andy, what are you doing with Hobbes' can opener?

(Calvin gets his right hand stuck on the can opener as he takes it from Andy. He tries to get them off but fails. The school bell rings and Miss Wormwood comes in)

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, for the millionth time, don't bring your tiger to school!

Hobbes: WHOOPS! (Runs off)

Scene 2
(Calvin Hobbes, and Andy are sitting on a bench outside the school)

Andy: This is no ordinary alarm, Calvin. The noise can shatter glass, boil water, and explode heads.

Calvin: Zounds! Why didn't you tell me the can opener was booby trapped? Come on!

(Calvin is about to get his hand off the can opener, but Hobbes and Andy stop him)

Hobbes and Andy: Calvin, no!

Calvin: How do I get this thing off?

Andy: Don't worry, Calvin, we're going to take the tape off. Hobbes, can I have the remote?

(Hobbes checks his pockets for the remote, but doesn't find it. Camera shows the remote is on a chair in the biology lab... which is locked!)

Hobbes: We must have forgotten it in the biology lab!

Andy: I don't believe this.

Calvin: So, how long do I have to keep this thing on my arm, huh?

Andy: We'll go and pick up the remote before lunch.

(Calvin and Andy get off the bench and start walking to class. Hobbes walks back to the Jacobson's house)

Scene 3
(While Calvin is getting in his seat in Miss Wormwood's classroom, he bangs the can opener against the seat)

Calvin: Oh!

Andy: Be careful, Calvin! Even the smallest, sudden movement could trigger the alarm.

Calvin: I'm trying. It's not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world having your hand stuck in a bomb.

Miss Wormwood: Ahem!

Calvin: Hee-hee.

Miss Wormwood: All right, settle down, everyone, and take out a pencil. It's time for a pop quiz on the sublime poetic genius, Amadeus Flake.

(Miss Wormwood hands out papers to everyone)

Calvin: (to Andy) I can't take a quiz, I'm right-handed!

Miss Wormwood: Write down your first name, your last name, and the date.

(Calvin struggles to write with his left hand, but the paper slips from under his pencil into the air)

Andy: Ah!

Miss Wormwood: Question number 1: how old was Amadeus Flake...

(Calvin has doodles on his paper)

Calvin: Okay, I'll get it this time.

Miss Wormwood: ...when he was 24? Question number 2: What was unusual about Amadeus Flake?

(Calvin's face turns red with anger)

Miss Wormwood: Question number 3...

(Later, the quiz is over)

Miss Wormwood: Time is up. Pass your tests forward.

(Andy touches Calvin, signaling that the quiz is over)

Calvin: Phew.

(Moe looks at Calvin's paper, which still has more doodles than before)

Moe: Nice handwriting, Twinky. For a 5 year old. Ha-ha!

Calvin: Grrr.

Scene 4
(In the cafeteria, the three are at a table, eating their lunch. Hobbes is hiding in Calvin's backpack so he won't get caught. Calvin picks up turnip puree with a spoon from his left hand, but it splashes on his right eye when he tries to put it in his mouth)

Andy: Who could have stolen the remote control?

Hobbes: I can't take it anymore! My lunch is right there and I can't have it!

Calvin: Here, take my turnip puree, I don't want it.

Hobbes: Do you have any strawberry jam?

Calvin: Uh-uh.

Hobbes: Well, then, never mind.

(Hobbes pushes the bowl away)

Hobbes: Turnip puree's not the same without strawberry jam.

(To be made)