A G.R.O.S.S. War Transcript

Scene 1: The meeting
Calvin:Hey,you're back! Well,guess what? The Calvin and Hobbes show is back!

(Calvin walks into the door, but when he opens the door, he slams onto the floor.)

Hobbes:COME ON! LET'S GO! GET READY! I CAN'T WAIT ALL-DAY!

Calvin: Coming!

Hobbes: *facepalms* Great... Another G.R.O.S.S Meeting.

(Cuts to outside at G.R.O.S.S. HQ)

Calvin: This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. will come to order! With Dictator for Life Calvin and President and First Tiger Hobbes Presiding!

Hobbes: I wish we have more people...

Calvin: Shut up and read last meeting's minutes you furball.

Hobbes: Of coruse... (Grabs notes) 8:45 am, Dictator for Life calls meeting to order to aviod impending bad weather. President and First Tiger proposes postponing the meeting, by Dictator for Life refuses. 8:46 am, Dictator for Life orders immediate attack against G.R.O.S.S. Public Enemy Number 1, Susie Derkins, demanding water balloons, a nuclear bomb, a tank, and a SWAT vehicle. President and First Tiger disagrees with weapon choice, offers better solution.

Calvin: Well, you told me just to stick to the water balloons! If we want to eradicate Susie, we need better weapons!

Hobbes: 8:48 am, Dictator for Life overreacts and gives 10 demerits for no reason. 8:49 AM, Philosophical discussion.

Calvin: NO REASON?! You didn't agree with my plan you sissy!

Hobbes: There you go again, overreacting.

Calvin: Okay, that's it! For insulting me and making me look stupid, you get 10 demerits!

Hobbes: Give me as many as you want, I don't care how many you give.

Calvin: Okay, just for THAT you get an extra 20 for dissrespecting me!

Hobbes: Can I just go along with the minutes so I can get to the part where I found out Susie has started up a club against us?

Calvin: WHAT CLUB?! YOU NEVER TOLD ME OF ANYTHING! YOU FURBALL! YOUR GETTING IT GOOD!

(Hobbes rolls his eyes.)

Hobbes:They're having a meeting over there.

Calvin:WHAT??? Give me the binoculars!

(Hobbes sighs and hands Calvin the binoculars.)

Scene 2: The club
(Calvin stares at Susie's back porch,where Candace and Mr.Bun are sitting on lounge chairs with milk and cookies.)

Susie:This meeting of the Girls Alliance Against Calvin will now come to order.

Candace:Hear,hear!

Susie: Today on the agenda we will discuss ways how we can get revenge on Calvin!

(Cuts back to Calvin and Hobbes)

Calvin: This is an atrocity! I actually have a club to compete with now! I can't let that club be better than ours!

Hobbes: Well, you never bring milk and cookies to the meetings.

(Calvin glares at Hobbes before grabbing notebook)

Calvin: You get 25 demerits for suggesting we copy the enemy, plus another 50 for neglecting to tell your superior of a threat to G.R.O.S.S.

(Hobbes rolls eyes)

Calvin: Forget whatever we had planned on the agenda today! Our new agenda is to eradicate G.A.A.C. from exsisting! And ship those nincompoops off to a Siberian Gulag!

Hobbes: Don't you think the 2nd part is a little unrealistic?

Calvin: Well now that you say that, your right. I should just get them shipped off to Alcatraz instead, that would be quicker, easier, and cheaper to do!

(Hobbes facepalms)

(Cuts to G.A.A.C. meeting)

Susie: So any other ideas?

Candace: We could try and take his tiger and hold it hostage, then you can beat him up.

Susie: Hmm, that's not a bad idea.

(Cuts to Calvin hiding behind tree)

Calvin: Ready...Aim...FIRE! (Throws water balloon)

(Girls get soaked and look at Calvin)

Susie: CALVIN YOU IDIOT!

Calvin: Yeah? Your the idiot for starting up a club against me! That's why I officially declare war against G.A.A.C! And I will come out supreme, and you chumps will be off to Alcatraz! And I will be vindicated as history's most greatest-

(Calvin gets cut off with the girls spraying water out of their water guns at Calvin, and Calvin flees)

Calvin: ACK! QUIT SHOOTING!

Susie: Serves him right. Now, where were we?

Scene 3: The war
Calvin: This is madness! Where's the green paint?

Hobbes: Over there.

Calvin: Thank you.

(Calvin grabs the bucket,and fills a water balloon with paint.)

Calvin: Alright,the plan is that I go up on Susie's roof and drop the balloon on her. It's a foolproof plan.

(The Mission: Impossible theme begins to play. Calvin grabs a ladder and poses it on top of Susie's roof with a paint balloon. He holds the paint balloon over Susie's head. Calvin drops the balloon.)

Calvin: Yess!!!

(Suddenly, Mrs. Derkins comes outside in the direction the paint balloon is falling. The balloon falls on her. She is covered in green paint.)

Calvin: Oh, crud!

(Calvin leaps off the roof, and lands in a bush. The next day, Calvin gets back on the roof, and checks for Mrs. Derkins. She is nowhere in sight. Calvin drops the paint balloon, and it drops on Susie.)

Susie: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! CALVIN!

Calvin: Direct hit!

(Cut to Susie and Candace holding Nerf Guns, prepared to shoot anything. A flaming hot dog flies onto the porch. Candace outs it out. Then they shoot Calvin repeatedly. Shows a montage of Calvin and Susie having a war.)

Calvin: This war has to end! It's time to bring out our secret weapon!

Scene 4: The secret weapon
(Calvin grabs two water balloons, grabs a few pebbles, fills the balloons with the pebbles, and fills it with water.)

Hobbes: What are those?

Calvin: Water balloons with rocks in them. It's foolproof.

(Calvin walks away.)

Hobbes: Hoo boy. This won't end well. I'll be in Calvin's room, reading Captain Napalm.

(Calvin sneaks into the bushes, and pulls a slingshot out of his pocket. He launches both balloons.)

Susie: Now, meeting ad-(the water balloons with rocks hit both Susie and Candace.) OW! Calvin! I'm telling!

Calvin: That won't do any good, I'm a charmer to my parents!

(Mrs. Grayson comes outside.)

Mrs. Grayson: CALVIN!!!

(Calvin leaps in the air, and puts on toy glasses.)

Calvin: Who ees thees Khahlveein?

Mrs. Grayson: Don't pull that stunt with me, young man.

Calvin: OK. (puts the toy glasses away.) What's going on?

Mrs. Grayson: Susie's mom just called.

Calvin: She's a filthy liar.

Mrs. Grayson: She said you put ROCKS in water balloons and hurled them at Susie and Candace!

Calvin: That's not true. It was Moe...

Mrs. Grayson: Don't lie to me, kid! What do you have to say for yourself?

Calvin: Uhhh, victory is ours?

(Cut to Calvin being thrown in his room.)

Hobbes: I knew this episode wouldn't end well. He'll never learn.

Voice cast for Revenge of the Babysat 2
Tom Kenny as Calvin

Owen Wilson as Hobbes

Leslie Bibb as Rosalyn

Paul Rudd as Tom Grayson

Scarlett Johansson as Anna Grayson

Voice cast for A G.R.O.S.S. War
Tom Kenny as Calvin

Owen Wilson as Hobbes

Jennifer Lawrence as Susie Derkins

Rachel Weisz as Candace

Scarlett Johansson as Anna Grayson