World's Greatest Calvin Transcript

Scene 1
(Calvin and Hobbes sit in front of the TV, watching The Ultimate Record.)

Calvin: Wow. I wish I could do something like that!

Hobbes: Mmm. Why would you? These people are dummies that are so desperate to get on TV that they'll tug on their earlobes until they stretch four feet, or hit the back of their heads long enough that their eyes literally pop out of their sockets.

Calvin: Nothing physical! But something like a collection or a best at this thing. Like that.

Hobbes: Mmm-hmmm.

Calvin: Tomorrow, I'm going to be the best at everything!

(Loser by Beck plays. Calvin gets equipped in a headband and tank top, and joins Dad for running.)

Dad: I'm happy you decided to come with me! Jogging is an ezcellent source of physical activ...

Calvin: Shut up! I'm only doing this for TV!

(Calvin enters his room, and wakes up Hobbes. Dad puts up a basketball hoop. Calvin and Hobbes ignore him and they shoot some hoops. Calvin sees Hobbes blocking him, so he tries to get him off his tail, but Hobbes keeps blocking. Then Calvin shoots. It goes over the hoop, and hits a window. Then they run to the backyard to play baseball. Hobbes throws a pitch, and Calvin sees it go over his head.)

Calvin: YOU DUMBBELL! YOU THREW IT TOO HIGH!

Hobbes: It was a perfect pitch. You're just too short.

(Calvin and Hobbes fight for five minutes, and Hobbes puts Calvin on a stepladder. Hobbes throws a pitch, and it hits Calvin in the eye. After Calvin regains consciousness, they go to Northridge Park to try out football. Calvin and Hobbes toss the football back and forth, but the football crashes into Calvin's ankle, and he is rushed to an ice pack. Then Calvin and Hobbes race each other, racing through Kneaders Bakery, flying down Broadway, bolting down the aisles at Target, running through Kaiser Permanente, racing through Radio Shack. They then get onto the roof of Town Center. Calvin feels his legs give way, and he collapses. Hobbes keeps running.)

Calvin: Aren't I good at anything?

(The song ends. Hobbes is sitting in Calvin's room, flipping through the Guiness World Records 2016 book.)

Hobbes: The current marble collection record is about ten million.

Calvin: Piece of cake! Mom, I'm starting a marble collection. Where can I get some?

Mom: Target sells packs of 100 for a dollar.

Calvin: Bingo.

Scene 2
(At Target, Calvin and Hobbes are pooling their money.)

Calvin: I have about eight bucks.

Hobbes: Lucky for you. I have about two dollars and twenty-five cents.

Calvin: Great! That gets us up to a thousand marbles. Great start.

(Outside of Target, Calvin and Hobbes carry a few bags.)