The Apprentice Begins Transcript

Scene 1: The start of it all
(Episode starts with Calvin in his room.)

Calvin: Oh, well hello there. My name is Calvin, Calvin the Bold to be exact. Now call me that or else. So I suppose your wondering, how does a six-year old like me get his own TV show? Well its quite simple, after Arnold Schwartza-whatever his last name is quit, he backed me up to get my own show! The rest I can't tell you!

(Calvin walks into his room, and then goes into his closet, and goes down a platform, into a boardroom)

Calvin: This is my show. And whoever is the best, will become my apprentice.

Hobbes: Don't you mean OUR apprentice?

Calvin: What do you mean OUR? This is my show!

Hobbes: But you said that they would be an apprentice to G.R.O.S.S!

Calvin: I did! But I'm the one who made G.R.O.S.S. don't forget.

Hobbes: But we're the only two members...

Calvin: Nobody cares what you think!

Hobbes: Roll the theme!

Calvin: What hey no! I still have like 10 minutes worth of good stuff I still need to say!

("For the Love of Money" by the O'Jays plays, and introduces all the contestants)

Announcer: Welcome to Calvin's Apprentice! Now introducing the contestants! From SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob and Squidward! From Super Mario, Mario and Bowser! From Calvin and Hobbes, Susie and Moe! From Fairly Odd Parents, Timmy Turner and Denzel Crocker! From Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic and Dr. Eggman! From Pokemon, Ash Ketchum and Serena! From Kirby, Kirby and King Dedede! And from Random Kids Shows, Sir Topham Hat and Robbie Rotten! And now, your host, Calvin Grayson!

(Calvin walks out.)

Calvin: Hello, everyone! Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice, Calvin Edition. Here's my co-host, Hobbes!

(Hobbes walks out.)

Hobbes: Hello. I can't wait to see what happens here!

Calvin: Excellent. Now, our first order of business is to split you up into two teams. The teams will be Team Calvin and Team Hobbes. Me and Hobbes will be team captains. Ready?

Hobbes: Yes. I pick Susie Derkins. Hubba, hubba.

Calvin: Shut up before I demote you to G.R.O.S.S. imbecile. Now, I pick Sonic!

Hobbes: Did you pick him because he's in LEGO Dimensions?

Calvin: Yeah.

Hobbes: Fine. I pick Ash Ketchum.

Calvin: SpongeBob.

Hobbes: Bowser.

Calvin: Timmy Turner.

Hobbes: Kirby.

Calvin: Dr. Eggman.

Hobbes: Serena.

Calvin: Robbie Rotten.

Hobbes: Mr. Crocker.

Calvin: King Dedede.

Hobbes: Moe.

Calvin: Squidward.

Hobbes: Mario. Ha ha! Looks like you're stuck with Sir Topham Hat!

Calvin: Dang it. By the power invested in me, get over here, Topham Hat. OK, now that we have our teams, on to your living quarters. You'll have your first assignment tomorrow.

(In a penthouse suite, Team Calvin resides.)

Sonic: Well, this is exciting.

Dr. Eggman: Yes. I look forward to beating all of you.

Sonic: Uh, your on our team Egghead.

Dr. Eggman: No you blue pincusion! Sure we might be in teams for now, but people are going to get eliminated every episode of this show, so I will be the one that surpasses all of you whimps!

SpongeBob: But we're a team, and team work will help us all win!

Dr. Eggman: Shut up you little piece of talking cheese...

Squidward: Would you idiots KEEP IT DOWN! I'm trying to relax!

(Cuts to the team Hobbes penthouse)

Mr. Crocker: Darn it! Still no faries anywhere! I just KNOW there are some in here!

Bowser: Why did I get stuck on this team... Heck, why did I even AGREE to be on this show?! Nobody told be it was going to be run by a kid and his tiger!

Mario: Oh yeah-a? You think-a I wanted to be-a on a team-a with you?!

Bowser: NO! This whole game show or whatever I'm on is so broken! And we haven't even started yet.

Kirby: Poyo! (Inhales all the food in the refridgerater)

Bowser: Great! Now all our food is gone to! Could this show get any more stupider?!

(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes' Penthouse)

Calvin: Ahh, so nice to have this penthouse all to ourselves, while all the other chumps have to share a penthouse!

Hobbes: Calvin, you know how you said that we're going to be team captains?

Calvin: Yes.

Hobbes: Well technically, its them trying to compete the challenges by themselves with one of them guiding them, not us. That would ruin the whole thing.

Calvin: Oh, I kinda forget about that... Heh...

Hobbes: Obviously.

Calvin: Eh, we'll just let them decide amongst themselves, I don't want people accusing me of being biased before we even start the first challenge.

Hobbes: But you will end up being biased, I know you.

Calvin: Me?! Be biased?! Are you crazy Hobbes?!

Hobbes: No.

Calvin: Shut up and go get us a movie to watch. I heard one of the movies they got is Catch Me if You Can.

Hobbes: On it.

Scene 2: The First Challenge Introduction
(Cuts to the next day in the boardroom)

Calvin: Where are those idiots?! They were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago!

Hobbes: Did you give them directions from the penthouses to here?

Calvin: Uh...

Hobbes: No wonder they're late then.

Calvin: Oh shut up, you should've reminded me before I fell asleep last night.

(Hobbes rolls his eyes)

(The contestants come in)

Calvin: About time you people got here!

Moe: Well SORRY twinky, you didn't give us any directions!

Robbie Rotten: Yeah! The stubby kid is right!

Moe: Who you callin' stubby long legs?

Robbie Rotten: Don't call me that!

Calvin: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! If you're going to argue, at least wait until we start the first challenge.

Susie: What is it?

Calvin: I was going to get to is Susie, so shut up! Anyway... for your first challenge, you people shall be promoting my inventions!

Hobbes: YOUR inventions?! That's going to go terribly!

Calvin: Is not!

Dr. Eggman: What kind of inventions are we talking about? I'm actually interested now.

Calvin: My cardboard box! (Grabs the box and shows it to all of them, they stare at Calvin)

Sonic: Seriously? You want us to sell boxes?

Calvin: They aren't ANY boxes! They're boxes that can take you to another period in time! Turn you into something you've wanted to be! Duplicate yourself! You could-

Bowser: Oh shut up kid, nobody's gonna buy that stuff.

Calvin: Well that's where YOU idiots come in!

Moe: You're making no sense at all twinky...

Calvin: I am to! Everyone knows what I'm talking about right now! Right?

Everyone: NO!

Calvin: WHAT?! This is simple stuff!

Hobbes: Maybe to you, but not to everyone else.

Squidward: The tiger's right! We don't get, nor buy any of this baloney!

Calvin: (Grumbles)