A Calvin and Hobbes Christmas! Transcript

Theme song
Christmas choir: OOOOH OOOOH OOOOOOH!

Who has the best Christmas special around?

CALVIN AND HOBBES!

At a wonderful place where you never frown?

CALVIN AND HOBBES!

unwrapping presents as we speak?

CALVIN AND HOBBES!

Adventurous, bold and sometimes meek?

CALVIN AND HOBBES!

Oh, Calvin and Hobbes!

Calvin and Hobbes,

Calvin and Hobbes,

Calvin and Hobbes Christmas Special!

Laa, laa, laa, laa, laa, laa, laa, laa, laa laa, laa, LAA! Scene 1: Ten spontaneous acts of badness

(Calvin sets the toboggan on the top of the hill.)

Calvin: OK, Hobbes, hop on.

(Hobbes looks down the hill.)

Hobbes: Do you have some sort of secret insurance policy on me?

Calvin: Get on the sled, you big sissy.

(Hobbes sighs, and gets on.)

Calvin: You know, these things should really come with air bags.

(Hobbes pushes off, and they roar down the hill.)

Calvin: Well, Hobbes it's the 24th.

Hobbes: Yup.

Calvin: Christmas is in tomorrow.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Yup.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: And you know what that means.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Nope.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I have to be  EXTREMELY  good if I want Santa to give me everything I wished for.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Uh-huh. Have you been a good boy this year?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin rips his head around to Hobbes.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;"> Calvin:  WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN A PERFECT ANGEL THIS YEAR! NO FLAWS! LIST OFF ALL THE TERRIBLE THINGS I'VE DONE THIS YEAR! I DARE YOU!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Hmmm... There was the Time Pauser that happened this year, then you rigged the house and destroyed your parents' home, then you wrecked your dad's office, then there was the incident that involved television when you said it was going to take over the world, then you...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: All of those things are ancient history! Santa's not going to care what I did months and months ago!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: The TV incident was pretty bad.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: It was no more terrible than tripping on the sidewalk!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: We're about to hit a tree.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: That's no excuse, and don't argue with me! The point is...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin's sled has just collided with... well, a tree. And the next thing Calvin knows, he is laying face down in the snow more than fifty feet from the wreckage. He gets up, and staggers over to where Hobbes is laying which is around twenty five feet from the tree.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Why didn't you tell me we were about to hit a tree?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Laying back down into the snow, Hobbes stares at Calvin, trying to decide what to say to this lunatic. He decides to say nothing. Back at the house, there are Christmas songs playing on the radio, and the Christmas tree shines brightly in the semi-darkness. Dad is sitting in a chair, reading a book, and Mom is watching Frosty The Snowman. Calvin and Hobbes walk into Calvin's room.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Well, Hobbes, I'll have to begin my ten spontaneous acts of goodwill.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Uh-huh

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I shall begin by singing a Christmas carol. ''On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 snowballs whacking! 11 water balloons splashing! 10 bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs! 9 driving lessons! 8 Televisions! 7 bunny slippers! 6 cats of pranking! FIVE BILLION PRESENTS! 4 internet modems! 3 Time Pausers! 2 flamethrowers! AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!"''

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin starts bowing left and right.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: You certainly know how to raise the old Christmas Spirit.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Yeah, I know, am I great or what?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Now what?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin looks outside, and thinks.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I will... Huh... lets see here. I will... make a flawless snowman!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin and Hobbes rush outside, and Calvin starts to make a snowman.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: This will be the snowman to top all snowmen. People will come from distant lands like harmonica and babooska to see my mighty snowman, which...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: You're giving it a second head.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin pauses, then catches himself giving the snowman another head. Calvin throws it aside into the snow.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Sorry, old habits. This will be a strike for great culture and literature! Such as the samurai from Ancient California! They will rise up, and...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: You're giving it three eyes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin grumbles, and throws the extra rock away.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Now then, as I was saying, they say that art is dead! But this literate, cultured, enlightened, educated from shall raise art from the grave and...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Now your giving it two noses.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin threw his hands up in the air, and hollered, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE ART, WHEN YOU'RE BREATHING DOWN MY NECK! I ASSURE YOU, THIS WILL BE A BEAUTIFUL WORK OF CRAFTSMANSHIP!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(And with that, Calvin whirls back to his snowman, and precedes.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: I wouldn't be so upset about how you were making it, if it wasn't next to the highway.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: OH BE QUIET!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin spends the next few minutes carving out the snowman. When it is done, it looks like an I-don't-know-what. Like some kind of demented wolverine with two heads, and three noses.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Well, Hobbes, what do you think?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Adjectives fail me.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Ok, maybe it didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it, but it's still a strike for...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Just then, a snowball collides with Calvin's head. Calvin goes flying into his snowman. Calvin moans, and lifts himself out of the snow. Then he spots his disembodied snowman.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: NO! My snowman! It's ruined!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin picks up the snowman's head, and starts wailing.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: So young! So innocent! So incapable of life's many challenges!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin stops sobbing, then studies the severed head.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Actually, it isn't all that terrible. A few more of these things, and I just might have this thing in the bag!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin lifts himself out of the snow, and it was then that he sees... Moe. Moe is laughing his head off, along with his other two thugs. Calvin and Hobbes stare at them.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Don't you just hate critics?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: That's it! I'm going to teach that goon a lesson, he'll never remember!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin rips a snowball out of the snow, and takes aim.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: But this is your big chance! If you don't throw it, then you'll have a big deed of good! Think of that?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin thinks)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS GOOD!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: It's your big chance.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin narrows his eyes to slits, and drops the snowball.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Moe: HEY TWINKY! NICE AIM, PUNK! YOU WERE ABLE TO HIT THE GROUND! HAW! HAW! HAW!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin's face starts turning several colors that Hobbes has never seen before.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: He's right in range, Hobbes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: True, but you're supposed to be mature of such things.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Moe is now sticking his tongue out at Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Moe: HAW HAW! YOU COULDN'T THE BROAD SIDE OF A BARN, TWERP!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Just walk away." Hobbes said, starting to back up.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin's eyes were aflame.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">His teeth were gritted, and he was moving his jaw back and forth as if thinking about crushing something between them.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">He snatched up a snowball and pelted it.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">POW!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"AH HA!" Calvin screamed, bolting off. "I DID IT! HA HA! I'M NOT SORRY! HA HA HA! I'D DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT! SWEET REVENGE! REVENGE! BWA HA HA HA HA!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes sighed, and stared over at the crater of snow where Moe had been standing, and Moe, who was laying five feet form the wreckage.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">When Calvin burst into the house, laughing and screaming his head off.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Well, he just destroyed somebody, again," Dad said, not looking up from his book.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin exploded into his room, screaming.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes followed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I wonder what would happen if too much coal got piled into a stocking." He said. "I wonder if it would stain the thread."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin must not have heard, because he was still laughing his head off.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">But then, he stopped laughing.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Oh no!" he yelled.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Yup." Hobbes said, "Santa will take a shovel to the reindeer stall to fill your stocking."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Oh my gosh!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Indeed." Hobbes said. "And what do you plan to about it?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"This!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin ran into his closet and pulled out...

<p style="text-align: center; max-height:999999px;">A cardboard box.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin heaved it out of the closet, and turned to Hobbes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">He had disappeared.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin sighed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I don't have time to deal with you, Hobbes. Either get in the box or stay here. I'm going to the North Pole."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I'll stay here." Hobbes' voice came from the closet.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Very well." Calvin said. "I'm going to meet Santa, and you're not."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin climbed into the box.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">There was a moment of silence.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"GET INTO THIS BOX, YOU FURBALL!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"No."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Then, I'll force you!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin ran into the closet, and the wreck was on.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes rolled across the floor, but Calvin finally froced him into the box.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"You're coming with me, if you like it or not!" Calvin yelled

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"It's just an airplane?" Hobbes asked, nervously.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Yup."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"No time Travel?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Nope."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"No duplication?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Nope."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"No movie traveling, book traveling, time Pausing or transmogrification?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Nope, nope, nope, and nope."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Alright, I'll come."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin started acting more enthusiastic.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Alright Hobbes! Slip on your vortex goggles! We're off!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">ZOOOM!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">With a blast of sound, Calvin and Hobbes exploded out the window.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Where'd they go?" Winslow the Monster asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I dunno." Maurice the Monster replied. "Something about a guy called Sandy Clothes."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Never heard of him. Is he a movie actor?" Winslow asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Do I look like a movie expert?" Maurice demanded.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes blasted across the landscape.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Calvin how do you know if we're going north?" Hobbes asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I don't." Calvin said.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I KNEW IT!" Hobbes yelled. "We're doomed!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Wait!" Calvin yelled. "I'll just set the coordinates on the box for NORTH POLE."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin started typing on a message on a small keyboard.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">A message came back on the small screen.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Joe's grill have the best burgers in town!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin retyped the message.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Another message came back.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">''Hi, we can't come to the foam right now. Just leave a mess, and we'll go back to sleep.''

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Disregard previous message.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Preparing coordinates.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">PLEASE STAND BY.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">three...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">two...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">one...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Two...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Three...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Seventeen...!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked in a pie.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">''WARNING! DISC FULL!''

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Drive slow, old cats

<p style="max-height:999999px;">burp.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Two equals three.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Have a good day good day good day good day.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">SYSTEM FAILURE!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">SFJDIRNDEJGEJ!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">SJDUTK!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">FNBVKJDVVTRGGJDBFGYEBDIRB!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">ZJHE!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">SFJ

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Y

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin grinned at Hobbes, sheepishly.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Alright, no sweat." He said. "I'll just switch it over to manul."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin hit a few switches, pushed a couple of buttons, then the machine started off.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">After a while, the machine was hovering across water with ice burgs all over.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"So, where's Santa's workshop?" Hobbes asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin looked around.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">He saw...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Baran landscape.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I dunno. It has to be around here, somewhere." <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 2: The North Pole

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes landed the box, and got out.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">They looked around.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Nothing.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">They exchanged glances.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Wait! What's that?" Calvin asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes rushed over to a pole sticking out of the ground.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin stared at it.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"It's the North Pole." He said.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"It's the wha...?" Hobbes asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Nothing." Calvin said. "But what's it for?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin held out his hand, and pushed the pole froward.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Suddenly, the ground beneath them vanished.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"YAAAAAAH!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes plunged straight down into the snow.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">PLOP!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes was the first to stop screaming, open his eyes, and look around.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin however, was still screaming.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"AAAAAAA! Ehhh.. AAAA! AAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAA...! ooooPH!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes grabbed Calvin's lips, and the screaming finally stopped.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin opened his eyes, and looked around.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">They were in a giant workshop.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin leaped up.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"We did it, Hobbes!" he yelled. "We made it to the Santa's workshop!"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Just then, a small elf walked past.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">He stopped, and stared at Calvin.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">The elf was wearing a red and green outfit. He looked not that much different from a kid, except he had pointy ears.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Who are you!" he demanded in a squeaky voice.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin blinked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"I'm uhhh... I'm... uhh... Zippy?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"What are you doing back here?" The elf asked.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Nothing." Calvin replied.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"Who's he?" The elf asked, pointing at Hobbes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"You know, I'd love to stay and play twenty questions, elfy." Calvin said. "But I gotta go."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin led Hobbes away.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">The elf scratched his chin in suspicion, then walked off.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">"That was close." Calvin sighed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Why don't you want people to know you're here?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Hey look! It's the "filing room"!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes stares at it.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: What's that?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: It's where the files for the kids go! Let's go look!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Before Hobbes can stop him, Calvin bursts into the room. Calvin immediately goes for the "C" drawer, and starts filing through names.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Let's see, Chuck Norris, Chris Evans, Charlie Day! I'm not here!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Meanwhile, Hobbes has found his record and is reading through it. It says,  Hobbes the tiger Bengal Tiger age: unknown)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Hey Calvin! Look.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin leans over and looks at Hobbes' file.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: I'm clean! Look, I've done no bad things this year!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Can't say much for your precious buddy. I've just gone through Socrates' folder. He's done three hundred forty thousand and two bad things this year!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Where's your folder?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I can't seem to find it. It's not even in the Naughty Drawer.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: That's weird.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: WHAT?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Nothing.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Just then, Hobbes spots another door.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Could it be because you have your own room?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin turns around. The door has the word "CALVIN" written on it.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Wow! I have my own room!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: How lucky are you?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin runs in, and sees that the room was as long as a cruise ship. Bookcases run along the walls, each of them stuffed with folders each marked Calvin. Calvin runs farther into the room and picks up a folder. It reads,  Calvin Age: 6.) 

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes walks up to Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: How many bad things did you say Socrates did this year?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Three hundred forty thousand and two.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: And how many bad things have you done this year?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Nine hundred ninety-nine trillion, nine hundred ninety-nine billion, nine hundred ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Uh-huh.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin crams the folder back into the bookcase, as Hobbes picks up another.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Bad thing number 73,406. Bringing TV to life, and destroying half the block.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I don't even remember if that even happened this year!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: It happened just two or three of weeks after Thanksgiving.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes flips through the file, then comes to Calvin's latest deed.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: 999,999,999,999,999. Forcing innocent tiger friend to take part in lunatic trip to North Pole. Hmmm...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: GIVE ME THAT!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin grabs the folder away from Hobbes and stuffs it back into the bookcase. Calvin and Hobbes then continue their exploration of Santa's workshop. They walk into a circular room filled with doors.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Wow! All these doors! Leading to a different part of Santa's home! Why isn't my house like this?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes looks around.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Where are we going to go?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin looks around. He spots a door marked "Loading Dock" Calvin rushes towards it.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Come on! I'll bet this is where they load up the goodies!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes sighs, and follows Calvin.) <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 3: The elves

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(They come into a room filled with elves. Each of them is passing a present to each other, and putting them into a pile which gets put into a giant bag at once. Calvin and Hobbes exchange glances.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: These people sure have they're work cut out for them.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: HEY!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes spin around. There are two elves standing next to the door, glaring at Calvin and Hobbes. Their nametags read Zipper and Zapper.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Why aren't you in your uniform?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Yeah! And what are you doing away from your post?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Uh... Well, you see...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: No time for excuses! Christmas is tomorrow! You need to get working!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh yeah?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Yeah! Who are you anyway!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh... I'm... uh... Zippy?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Glad to meet you. I'm Zipper, and that's Zapper.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Nice.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">He turns to Hobbes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alright, Nappy. We better get to work.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes sighs and shakes his head. Calvin and Hobbes dress up in green and red uniforms and start loading presents.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alright, Hobbes. When no one's looking, we'll jump onto the conveyer belt, and ride over to Santa's sled.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Joy.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(When none of the elves are watching, Calvin and Hobbes leap onto the belt, and it starts to carry them away.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: There's just one thing wrong with this idea, Calvin.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: What?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: This belt is meant for gifts and boxes. It's not safe for huma–

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes is cut short, when the belt suddenly ended, and Calvin and Hobbes find themselves flying down a winding slide at a speed of seventy miles per hour.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes: YAAAAAAAAAAAH!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The slide goes up and down, left and right, north and south, and north eastern west. So does Calvin and Hobbes. At last, they both collapse into a heap of presents. Calvin opens his eye a crack, and looks around. He opens the other eye, and grins.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh Hobbes! Look what I found!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes opens his eyes and stares around.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: We just landed in Santa's sleigh!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Aren't we lucky? Now we'll be delivered along with the rest of the presents.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin peeks over the side of the bag and it is pretty far down.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I wasn't aware you could buy bags this big.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(He looks over at Hobbes.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Now what do we do?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes peeks over the side of the bag and nearly has a heart attack.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alright. We'll slide off the side.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Wonderous.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin puts his first leg over the side of the bag, then the other, then slides down. Hobbes follows. They land right in the front end of the sled. Calvin looks around. The reindeer are staring at him. A wide devilish grin spreads across Calvin's face.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: You've got to be kidding me.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Meanwhile, Zipper and Zapper are staring at the monitor. They spot Calvin and Hobbes on one of them.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: HEY! What are they doing!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Come on! <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 4: The mistake takeoff

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: On Comet, and Dixie, and Rudolph! On Dopey! On Sneezy! On Happy! And you! And someone else! Darn I can't remember their names.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Good let's go.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: But wait, Hobbes! This is the ultimate good deed! I can give Santa a year off today!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Yeah, but you can't even run a sled without these ungulates on them. Sure the sled is flying half the time, but still...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Whoops! On Richard Nixon! On Benjamin Franklin! On Jim Carrey, and Dr Phil! On Oprah! On Andrew Jackson! On Batman, and Bill Watterson! AAAA!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder and Blitzen!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin and Hobbes: YAAAAAH!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The reindeer take off with a blast.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Well, at least we got away from those two."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: HEY!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh boy.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin and Hobbes spin around, and see Zipper and Zapper glaring at them.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Turn this sled around right this minute! This is Santa's job!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Yeah, but I'm giving him the day off.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Hey, wait a minute!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(He studies Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: You're not an elf! You're that Noodle Incident kid!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: That wasn't me! I wouldn't do anything like that! I'M INNOCENT!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Sorry to cut off your conversation, because I know it must be very thrilling, but WE'RE ABOUT TO RUN INTO THAT CLIFF!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin gasps, whirls around, and jerks the wheel to left. The deer miss the cliff.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Turn the sled around, now! You're going straight onto the Naughty list for this one!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: He already is.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: You know he's got a point there.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin grins, as he looks ahead.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Hey, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this thing!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Just then, Zipper and Zapper's watches start beeping.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Oh no! We're late!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Santa's suppose to take off, right now! And here we are, playing with the kid!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alright! Take the controls!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin offers Zipper the wheel. The elves stare at it.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: Ya know, we never have drove this thing.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Yeah, let's just go with you doing it.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Very well.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Zipper looks at Zapper. And Zapper looks at Zipper.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: Christmas is doomed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: One might think so. But it's not.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: It's one o'clock in the morning, Calvin. And you're still rocketing around Alaska.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Hobbes, we have nothing but time! Have you forgotten that I am a brilliant mastermind?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin roots through his pocket, and takes out a small yellow device with a red button on it.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Well, Christmas was nice while it existed. <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 5: The start of the routine

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin hits the red button. Red energy travels out from the Time Pauser, consumes Calvin, then the sled, then Zipper, Zapper, and Hobbes, then the reindeer. There is a moment of tense silences. The reindeer start moving in slow motion for a few seconds, then start going fast, again.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: What just happened?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Well, either Calvin's device already killed us, or we just fell into the No-time dimension.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alright! Now we can take our sweet time in doing this, and get everything done before the next second comes! Gimme the list so I can check it twice!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Zipper sighs, and Zapper shakes his head. They have no choice.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: The list is in the sled. The reindeer will know what do when you call out the kid's name.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin:Right.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin presses a small button that pops the list out and a name pops on the monitor.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Alfred Leroy.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The deer instantly turn for the United States, and zoom towards the panhandle of Oklahoma. Calvin lands the sled and gets out. He looks around, then looks down at the chimney.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: This thing is a pipe, not a chimney! How on Earth am I going to get down there!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Zapper slaps his forehead.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zapper: I knew it! I knew it! He couldn't do it! Christmas is canceled!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh yeah! Are you forgetting to who or whom you're speaking?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Now you did it.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Spaceman Spiff studies the entrance to alien's secret hideout! Our hero devises a brilliant plan!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Spiff takes the presents for Alfred, and sets them around the chimney.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Spiff: Spiff throws the first bomb down the hatch!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Spiff grabs a small device from his pocket, and zaps all the gifts shrinking them to size. Then he pops them down the chimney, and manipulates the house long enough, until all the presents are their normal size, again, and are in the livingroom. For the next three million houses, Calvin and Hobbes do this. Calvin goes down the chimney for houses that would let him down, but otherwise, they just throw the gifts down. Everything is going just right.) <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 6: The failure

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin is riding along the Asian coast. He has just delivered more gifts to some person in Japan.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin:Well, We did it. We only have three hundred more people to do.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Uh-huh.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: And the best part is, we have all the time in the world!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin taps on the Time Pauser. Just then, he notices something. Calvin picks up the Time Pauser and studies it. The label on the TP is "Time on, LOW BATTERIES". Calvin's head turns to the three staring at him, slowly.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: How long has Time been un-paused?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Zipper gasps, and points at the clock on the sled. Calvin's head shoots around. The clock reads 7:27 AM.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: OH NO! Everybody will be getting up soon! We need to hurry!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin starts screaming at the reindeer to go faster. They blast off. Calvin starts throwing presents off, tossing them into the chimneys, and blasting along the side of the world. After ten minutes, they have finished up. They start to relax.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Phew. What a close call.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Suddenly his eyes bulge.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh no! I haven't done my neighborhood yet!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin spins around to the reindeer.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: CALVIN! CALVIN! CALVIN! CALVIN! CALVIN! CALVIN! Why aren't they going to my house?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Zipper: 7:30 is when we head home. You're too late."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: WHAT! NO!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The reindeer fly back to the North Pole, but Calvin isn't as enthusiastic as he was when they left. The sled lands, and Calvin trudges off, and slumps back to the box. Hobbes follows. Zipper and Zapper exchange sympathetic glances for Calvin, then Zipper picks up a small walkie talkie. Calvin trips over the box, then gets in. Hobbes follows. The trip back home is silent. Hobbes looks down at Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Well, at least, we got everybody else done.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I just ruined Christmas for everybody in my town.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The rest of the trip is silent.) <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 7: The surprise visitor

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin lands the box in his room, and walks down the stairs. There is nothing waiting for them, except the tree, and few presents under it. Calvin sits down at the couch, and starts staring off into space. Hobbes sits down next to him, and pats him on the back. There is a long moment of silence.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: I'm going to bed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(He gets up, off the couch, and starts towards the stairs. Hobbes watches Calvin go up the stairs. He sighs, and stares towards the soot filled fireplace. Suddenly, some ash starts falling down the chimney. Hobbes' eyes pop open, and he stares at the chimney. Some black boots suddenly appear in the fireplace. Hobbes gasps.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Calvin! OH CALVIN! You might wanna come down here!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin's head shoots out of the bedroom, and he stares at Hobbes. His eyes move from Hobbes and go towards the fireplace. Calvin gasps. He zooms down the stairs, and rushes up to Santa Claus, who is carrying a big red bag on his shoulder.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Hey! You're... Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp! Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp! Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp! Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Santa and Hobbes exchange glances.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp! Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-gasp! Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-...NTA."

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin falls over backwards. Santa leans over, and looks down at Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: Calvin?

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin's eyes drift open. He stares at Santa.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Sa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Please don't do that again.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin leaped up, and hugs Santa.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Oh Santa! You came! I can't believe you did! But ya did! THANK YOU!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Santa smiles, and pats Calvin on the shoulder.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: Calvin. You're the kind of the boy who tries to be good, but slips.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin looks up.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Uh... yes.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: I've ran into kids like that, before.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: You have?"

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: Why, of course! You're not the only naughty/good child I've seen.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(He pats Calvin on the head.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: You have good intentions, Calvin. And that's good. In my opnion.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(He reaches into his bag.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Santa: Now, go to bed, both of you. I'll do my work when you're in bed.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin and Hobbes exchange glances, then bolt up the stairs, and into bed. Calvin yawns and pulls the covers over his head. He is sleepy. His eyes slowly shut, then he falls asleep.) <h2 style="max-height:999999px;">Scene 8: Christmas Morning

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(When Calvin wakes up, he sees that it is eleven o'clock in the morning. He and Hobbes have slept in.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: HOBBES WAKE UP! CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes' eyes drift open.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Wow. I just has the strangest dream that...

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: NO TIME! PRESENTS!

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes shoots out of bed, and the two bolt down the stairs. Mom and Dad are sitting in their chairs, grinning at Calvin.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Dad: You slept in, Calvin. That's not like you to do that on Christmas.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Mom: Yeah. Usually, you would've woke us up about six hours ago.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin's eyes widen. There are hundreds of things sitting on the floor next to the Christmas tree. Comic books, audio tapes, Dad has even broken down finally, and gotten the family a VCR, much to the disappointment of Calvin who thinks it's a DVD player. Mom sets up one of the Christmas tapes she has, and a beautiful Christmas song starts playing.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Christmas is here.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Mistletoe and laughter.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Carols and bells,

<p style="max-height:999999px;">ringing to the rafter

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Lights on the tree.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Candles all a glow.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">And all who pass by say hello.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(While the music plays, Calvin walks up to Hobbes.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Hobbes, I forgot to get you a gift this year.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: That's OK. Tigers are naturally gifted to begin with.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Calvin leans over and hugs Hobbes, lovingly.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin:Here's a last minute present. I hope you like it.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(Hobbes smiles, and hugs Calvin back.)

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: The best presents don't come in boxes. I'll treasure this one, forever.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Calvin: Merry Christmas, old friend.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Hobbes: Merry Christmas, Calvin.

<p style="max-height:999999px;">(The camera zooms out of Calvin's house. Snow is falling all around, and sounds of Christmas carols fill the air.). <h2 style="max-height:999999px;"> End Credits

<h3 style="max-height:999999px;">Voice work

<p style="max-height:999999px;"> Jackson Kelley as Calvin/Spaceman Spiff 

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Taika Waititi as Hobbes

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Bill Hader as  Dad 

Elizabeth Banks as Mom

Thomas Barbusca as Moe

Jack White as Maurice the Monster

Rivers Cuomo as Winslow the Monster

Special guest star: Bill Nighy as Zipper the elf

Special guest star: James McAvoy as  Zapper the elf 

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Special guest star: Jim Broadbent as Santa Claus

<p style="max-height:999999px;">Special guest star: Sean Astin as the first elf