Calvinepardy! Transcript

Scene 1: The Announcement
(Cuts to Calvin and Hobbes reading comic books)

Calvin: Ugh, I'm so bored of my life right now.

Hobbes: Why?

Calvin: Isn't it obvious? Look at these comic books we're reading! They have exciting, gripping action and adventure! Yet I'm stuck in this boring life with no excitement whatsoever!

(Cuts to Calvin's Dad pulling up to the driveway, and happily skipping to the door)

Hobbes: I'll start getting the camping gear together.

Calvin: ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MOM! MOM! CODE BROWN! CODE BROWN!

Mom: Code Brown?!

Calvin: Yes! Dad's home! And he's looking freakishly happy! He probably booked us another trip on Itchy Island!

Mom: Quick! Let's barricade the door before he can get in!

(Calvin and Mom get several pieces of furniture and block the doorway, Dad then tries to enter, but is unable to)

Dad: Er... Dear! Calvin! Could someone get the door please!

Calvin: NEVER! THIS TIME WE REFUSE TO BE TORTURED ON ANOTHER CAMPING TRIP ON THAT CURSED MOSQUITO INFESTED ISLAND!

Dad: Oh come on, this has nothing to do with camping!

Calvin: We aren't that dumb!

Dad: You guys know that I don't book it until the end of May! Now really, this is good news I got!

Mom: True, it's only March... Alright Calvin, let's put this furniture back.

Scene 5: The First Round
Johnny Gilbert: THIS, IS, JEOPARDY! Lets meet today's contestants! A certified genius, wagon rider, uh... Dictator for Life of a club, and founder of... Calvinball? From Providence, Rhode Island, Calvin Grayson!

Calvin: THAT'S RIGHT SUCKERS! PREPARE TO LOSE!

(The crowd laughs, Hobbes sighs)

Johnny Gilbert: A mailman from Boston, Massachusetts, Cliff Clavin.

Calvin: You look familar... (Cliff rolls his eyes)

Johnny Gilbert: And, our returning champion. A software designer from Silicon Valley, California, Brad Jennings, whose 26 day cash winning total $987,000!

Calvin: NERD! Besides, you kinda look like that Ken Jennings guy... (Brad rolls his eyes)

Johnny Gilbert: And now, here is the host of Jeopardy! Alex Trebek!

Alex Trebek: Thanks Johnny. Welcome to Jeopardy! everyone. As most of you know by now, we have had a great champion for the last several weeks, this being Brad Jennings. And today, he could break the million dollar mark. He's gotten there slowly and surely, and while he may not have gotten there as quick as James Holzhauer did, he's gotten to there.

Calvin: Can we just get on with the show already?!

Alex: Well, it looks like at least one of the contestants here is eager to try and dethrone Brad, so lets gets right to it and into the Jeopardy! round.

(Board noises)

Alex: One Daily Double is hidden in a clue in one of these categories... US Presidents, Athletes and their Coaches, A Trip to the Bar, Technology, Composers, and Famous Women.

Calvin: EW! A whole category about GIRLS?! What kinda pyscho are you?!

Hobbes: And we're already losing...