Naughty Fireworks! Transcript

Scene 1: The Fourth of July
(Calvin holds an alarm clock set to ring at 1:00. He puts it in between his parents, and it's set to ring. Calvin puts some earphones in his head. The alarm clock rings, and Calvin's parents shoot up in the air.)

Calvin: Wakey, wakey! Today's the Fourth of July!

(Calvin is wearing a hat decorated with the American Flag and an Uncle Sam beard, and dances across Mom and Dad's bed while singing the Star Spangled Banner.)

Dad: IT'S ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

Calvin: Well, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise! If you didn't go to bed at six o'clock like I did, that's your problem.

(Calvin starts skipping out of Mom and Dad's room, singing When Johnny Comes Marching Home. Mom glares at Dad, and they fall asleep)

Scene 2: No fireworks
(Now, Calvin and Hobbes are in the car with Mom and Dad.)

Calvin: I can't wait to get our fireworks!

Dad: Fireworks? We aren't getting any fireworks. We're playing it safe this year.

Calvin: WHAT?

Dad: We can't have any disasters, can we?

Calvin: Of course we can! That's what Independence Day is all about! Loud booms and bright lights! If we aren't getting any fireworks, then why on earth are we going to Town Center?

(Cut to a checkout lane in Target.)

Checkout lady: That'll be 4.50.

Mom: You sure you don't want a Fourth of July cupcake, Calvin?

Calvin: Drop dead.

(Cut to the tree house, where a G.R.O.S.S. meeting starts.)