Katie's Classic Book Club Transcript

Prologue: Theme song
[theme song plays]

Scene 1: Outside Katie's house
Edward: Some of you's have expressed interest of what it's like to be Miss Katie's personal butler. I quite enjoy my job.

[Scene changes to show Katie skipping in a store]

Edward: It offers me many opportunites to shopping in the finest stores.

[Katie takes a pink jacket and throws it at Edward's face, who is carrying a box and a dress]

[Scene changes to show Katie walking on the beach]

Edward: And to celebrate the great outdoors.

[Edward follows carrying an umbrella, a picnic basket, and a big inflatable dolphin]

Edward: Of course, Miss Katie does expect the highest standards of service.

[Scene changes to show a boat in Niagara Falls]

Katie: Oh, dear! Edward, I dropped my charm bracelet!

Edward: Right away, Miss Katie. [voice-over] Occasionally, she can be a bit--

[Edward dives in the water]

Edward: --demanding.

[Scene changes to show Edward buried up to his beck in the sand at the beach while Katie pats the sand around him]

Edward: And a few times I found myself in, shall we say, compromising situations.

Katie: Isn't his fun? [gasps] Ooh, froyo! [runs off. The tide starts to come to Edward's head]

[The scene changes back to outside Katie's house]

Edward: Working for Miss Katie is, by no means, an easy job.

Katie: [from inside the front door] Edward, I can't find my purple tights, and this cucumber sandwich still has the crusts on it.

Edward: But one thing I'll say for it, it's never dull. Coming, Miss Katie!

Scene 2: Store
Katie: The Pretty Pioneers Collection. [picks up a doll in a box] This one is called Abigail. Isn't she beautiful?

Edward: Indeed, Miss Katie, and she bears a striking resemblance to [refers to other dolls] Bernadette, Camille, and Matilda. Perhaps they're all sisters.

Katie: It says here that their characters are from the Pretty Pioneers series of books.

[Edward looks at a display that says "Start a Pretty Pioneers Book Club" with books on it]

Edward: [reading] Collect the dolls, colect the books, and start your very own book club.

Katie: What's a book club?

Edward: a gathering of friends that reads different books each week and then discusses them.

Katie: Ooh, what fun! We'll begin with the first book in the series.

[Katie puts a few books in the cart]

Katie: Let's see, once for Susie, one for Calvin, one for George, and one for you.

[Katie pushes the cart while Edward looks at the book]

Edward: Abigail and the Apple Aspic." I can hardly wait.

Scene 3: Katie's room
Katie: [writing in a letter] "Dear book club members, Our first meeting will be this Saturday at 2:00."

[Edward puts a package in the mail]

Katie: "Enclosed is your copy of 'Abigail and the Apple Aspic.'"

[Calvin looks at the package at this house]

Katie: "Please read the whole book and be ready to discuss it."

[Susie is reading the book. She starts laughing]

Katie: "I sure will love it too. I know you're as excited as I am to dive into the Pretty Pioneer prairie.

[George is highlighting a paragraph in the book at his ice cream shop]

Katie "Yours truly, Katie Reilly, president."

[Edward, sleepy, is reading the book. He starts to sleep and snore]

Scene 4: Katie's living room
[Katie, Calvin, Susie, George, and Edward walk into the room]

Katie: I thought we'd use the living room since there's lots of space.

Edward: Pardon, Miss Katie, but might I suggest we use the Reilly library? It seems a more appropriate setting for a book club.

Katie: We have a library?

Scene 5: Library
[Edward opens the door]

Calvin, Susie, and George: Whoa!

Susie: This place is amazing!

Calvin: I've never seen so many books.

George: cases

[George pulls out a flat cardboard display of books and gasps]

Edward: I'm afraid these books aren't real, Mr. Hebert. The real book section is over there, where Mr. Jacobson is.

[Calvin takes a book from the shelf]

Calvin: [reading the cover] "Squeezing the Lemon: The Insider's Guide to Selling Used Cars."

Katie: Daddy says that's a classic. Oh look, a fireplace.

[Katie runs over to fireplace and turns it on, causing fake, cardboard fire to pop up]

Katie: Mm, cozy! Okay, everyone, get comfortable and we'll get started.

Edward: I'll just get us some refreshments.

[Katie, George, Susie, and Calvin sit down at the fireplace]

Susie: I don't know about you guys, but I loved "Abigail and the Apple Aspic."

Katie: [claps hands] Do I have an eye for great literature or what?

Susie: It was one of the funniest books I've ever read!

Katie: Funny?!

Calvin: I don't think it was meant to be funny.

Susie: But it was so ridiculous!

Katie: It was a heartbreaking tragedy! When Abigail sells her record player to raise money for the puppy orphanage, I was so moved!

George: Well, I was moved to write the author a letter. The book takes place in 1865, but Edison didn't invent the record player until 1887. Here.

[George hands out a piece of paper to everyone except Katie]

I made a list of all the other historical inaccuracies and examples of poor grammar.

[Edward pushes a cart of refreshments]

Katie: What about you, Edward? Did you hate the book, too?

Edward: Uh--

[Edward clears his throat]

Edward: Aspic, anyone?

[Edward uncovers a platter of aspic while Calvin stands up to look at it]

Katie: Well, I hope you all like "Bernadette and the Butter Churn" better, because that's what we're reading next.

[Calvin is holding a plate while cutting a piece of aspic]

Calvin: The whole point of a book club is that we get to take turns choosing what to read.

Katie: No, it isn't. Is it?

[Edward pours a glass of juice]

Edward: The book clubs in which I have participated have generally observed a democratic process.

[George holds up a book]

George: How about "The Quark Knight"? It's about a scientist who gets turned into a subatomic particle.

Calvin: Sounds exciting!

Susie: Cool cover!

Katie: Fine! We'll read about your silly quack knight.

George: He's a quark knight.

Katie: Whatever. Meeting adjourned!

Scene 6: Store
[Katie is picking Pretty Pioneer books]

Katie: #13: "Matilda and the Missing" Only 13 more to go! Don't you like the way your book looks in the official poster!

George: Oh! I found the recent book of one of your favorite series, Kate. All Pretty Girls Issue 53: "Boys do Pranks".

Katie: *looks at cover* OMG! Why did he do that to her! By the way, I am on Issue 51, so, no thanks.

Susie: Hey! I found #14! "The Newest in Town"!

Katie: Nice!

Susie: I have #15 as well.

Katie: "The Big Battle". Yep, that is number 15 all right.