New Kid on the Block Transcript

Scene I: The moving truck
(Episode starts with a real life chessboard.)

Knight: You're a dead man!

Bishop: Bring it on!

(The knight moves toward the bishop and decapitates him.)

Knight: Who's next?

(A rook walks forward.)

Rook: I will be next.

(The rook moves straight, and the knight kills him)

Knight: Who's next?

King: Me.

Knight: The king? Too easy.

(The knight moves toward the king and then it cuts to Calvin and Hobbes playing chess in the newly remodeled treehouse.)

Calvin: HA! Deus Vult!

Hobbes: That's three straight.

Calvin: Maybe it's because I'm better than you at chess. I mean, You moved your king towards my most powerful soldier, the knight.

Hobbes: Or maybe it's because you cheat...

Calvin: What? I do not.

(Flashbacks to Calvin’s room in the dark, where Calvin types on his computer.)

Calvin (Saying while typing): How to win at chess.

(Several videos pop up. Calvin clicks on one. Flashes back to the treehouse.)

Hobbes: OK, I believe you.

(Cut to a Mayflower moving van driving into the street. It pulls into a driveway. Calvin and Hobbes notice.)

Calvin: Who is that?

Hobbes: A new neighbor!!! Hopefully he has a tiger.

Calvin: Hard pass.

Hobbes: Hey!

Calvin: I just wonder something...

Hobbes: What is it?

Calvin: What if it's...you know...female?

Hobbes: Possible.

Calvin: Nah.

(Tiger Stripe Wipe)

Scene II: The New Student
(Cuts to School the next day.)

Mrs. Wormwood: And in short, that is how our free country was born.

(Calvin stares blankly at a pack of twinkies on Mrs. Wormwood’s desk.

Calvin (whispering): Twinkies.

Mrs. Wormwood: Students, I would like to introduce a new friend to the class.

Calvin: It must be my new neighbor! (Drinks from his thermos)

Mrs. Wormwood: Class, please welcome Susie Derkins.

Susie: Hi.

(Calvin spurts out all the water he drank.)

Calvin: IT’S A GIRL!?!?

Mrs. Wormwood: Susie, would you write your name on the chalkboard, please?

(Susie is about to write, but Calvin throws himself on the floor and has a 15-second coughing fit.)

Mrs. Wormwood: Calvin, are you okay?

Calvin: Yeah, I’m (cough) fine.

Mrs. Wormwood: You don’t sound fine. Why don’t you get a drink of water?

Calvin: Sure thing, Mrs. Wormwood.

(Cuts to the water fountain, where Calvin finishes taking a drink.)

Calvin: Welp, I’m dead.

(Wagon wipe)

Scene III: Coming up with a plan
(Cuts to Calvin crawling through the bedroom window to avoid being pounded by Hobbes, who is reading comics on the bed.)

Calvin: Hey, Hobbes.

Hobbes: I know that face. That’s the face you make when you are sad about something.

Calvin: You were right. She was female!

(Hobbes, who has obviously never met Susie, agrees with him.)

Hobbes: Oh my god!

Calvin: I know! And she’s in my class!

Hobbes: We should probably do something about this.

Calvin: What are you talking-

(An Idea pops into Calvin’s head.)

Calvin: Mmm-hmm.

(Tiger stripe wipe)

More coming soon