Calvin and Hobbes 1.5 Transcript

The transcript for Calvin and Hobbes 1.5.

Intro: The studio
(camera zooms in on the outside of Calvin's studio. Calvin, Hobbes, and Avery Elmhurst are gathered in there, everybody looking at the camera with a director that is not seen.)

Calvin: So why are we here again?

Director: We're gonna make a sequel! Isn't that great?

Everyone: WHAT?!

Hobbes: Well, I hope I actually get to appear in this one...

Director: You will eventually.

Hobbes: Okay, that's all I care about.

Calvin: Ugh... What about me?!? I mean, sure I sort of got to be myself, but why didn't you put any running gags that were in the comic in the movie?!

Director: I Don't think they would mix in the plot well. Sorry.

Calvin: *sigh*

Magical Tiger: (comes in with Zoe and a cup of coffee and takes a big sip) Ooh, this stuff is good! Almost as magical as me! What are you guys talking about again?

Calvin: We're talking about making a sequel.

Magical Tiger:(spits out his coffee) WHAT?

Calvin: I know, right?

Zoe: By the way, I found this DVD.

Calvin: Weird. (snatches it from her and observes it, then puts it in a DVD player. The TV plays the DVD menu for this movie. Screen goes black and the logo appears. After two seconds, the DVD starts to play.)

Dark Calvin: (on DVD) Hello, Calvin, this is the REAL ending to the Calvin and Hobbes movie. This is TOP SECRET.it's sort of a Director's Cut.Anyway, here it is.

(Cut to a shot of Calvin)

Calvin: How did he live?

(Cut to a couch where everyone is watching the DVD)

Everyone except Calvin and Tag: *gasp*

Calvin: Oh right. THAT DVD.

(Cut back to the TV, showing Calvin, Hobbes, Spaceman Spiff, Magical Tiger, Zoe, Avery, Susie, Mr. Bun, Charlie, and Rosalyn on Jupiter, as seen from the first movie)

Spiff(on DVD, which everything below is now on the DVD): Well, let's go home.

Calvin: ..sure.

Susie: HOLD IT! You'll have to go through us if you want to go home!

Calvin: How come?

Susie: I've got your ship loaded on mine for takeoff.

Calvin: Okay, okay.

Scene 1: The (real) fight
Alien(turning to Spiff): Derderderderderder! (in subtitles below: You can't get me!)

Spiff: Oh yeah? (tries to punch the alien, but he hits Zoe accidentally instead)

Spiff: Oops! Good thing I didn't zap you...

(Calvin grabs Tag and throws him at the alien)

Alien: OOF!

Calvin: I have almost NO weapons, so let's use people instead!

(Hobbes gets up)

Hobbes: Why? It'll hurt us. (claws Charlie like curtains)

Charlie: You asked for it.... (Moe appears)

Calvin: OH NO! At least I brought a new update to the transmogrifier gun...

(He duplicates himself once, but Susie snatches it and shoots Mr. Bun with it 50 times)

Hobbes: Fiddlesticks. Why are we fighting anyways?

Dupe: What?

Susie: Get them!

(the clones run off)

Hobbes: You can keep our ship,thank you very much. (runs away)

Calvin: We can do this! (grabs Hobbes' neck)

Hobbes: We can?

Calvin Dupe: What am I doing on Jupiter?

Susie: You were put here to destroy them! (Points to good guys)

Dupe: Never! (attacks the clones)

Scene 2: Susie Snaps
Susie: My army is at end!

(Mr. Bun kicks Spiff, but he turns Mr. Bun to ash using his gun on "Deep-Fry".)

Susie: MR. BUN! NO!

(Susie runs to Mr. Bun's remains and scoops some of the ash up. Susie drops the ash, and starts twitching her eye. Cut to Susie, then another big close up and Susie, and then another, but even more close. A scary sound effect plays during each of the close ups. Fire slowly appears around Susie. The fire gets bigger and bigger, and Susie runs away into her ship, crying.)

(Cut to Avery, who gets stepped on by a dupe. Hobbes grabs some Mr. Bun dupes and throws them at other dupes. A dupe is thrown at a gigantic button on his back, making an electronic noise when he smacks into it.)

Robotic Voice: Alert! Alert! Planet self-destruction activated! Destroying in 10... 9...

(Everyone screams and gets back in their corresponding ships. Calvin, Hobbes, Spaceman Spiff, Magical Tiger, Zoe, and Avery get into Spiff ship. All 50 Mr. Bun clones, Charlie, and Rosalyn get into their ship. They fly away. Cut to a birds-eye view of Spiff's ship getting away, as the robotic voice continues its countdown and the planet explodes. Cut to inside of Susie's ship, where Susie is driving)

Scene 3: Susie's ship
Mr. Bun Clone: Where are we going?

Susie: To destroy the world. But first, we'll need to go to Free Cape Included.

Mr. Bun Clone: What?

(Cut back to Spiff's ship)

Calvin: I'll put my space suit on and I'll jump on Susie's ship!

Hobbes: Can I come too?

Calvin: Okay.

(Calvin and Hobbes get out of the ship and jump onto Susie's.)

Susie: GET HIM, CLONES!

(All the Mr. Buns throw Hobbes off the ship.)

Calvin: NOOOOOOOO! (crying) You can steal my tiger, pet my tiger, or call him "smoochie-woochie-woots", but you CANNOT, and you CANNOT throw my tiger off a spaceship in outer space!

Susie: (in a more evil voice) Well, let's dual for it! (Susie pulls out a gigantic, evil-looking lightsaber) I can revive him with my recovery center, but you must win this sword battle!

(long pause)

Calvin: (sniff) ...so do I get a sword?

Susie: Get your own! I'm sure someone up there has a giant lightsaber like me! (points to Spiff's ship, evil laughs similar to Dr. Brainstorm)

Magical Tiger: Actually, I do! (throws a lightsaber, that sticks in the ship. The ship starts to malfuntion and rumbles. The lightsaber but looks slightly less powerful than Susie's)

Susie: WHAT? (Calvin is thrown overboard due to the rumbling)

Magical Tiger: CALVIN! NO!

Susie: The ship's going doooown!

Scene 4: Free Cape Included
(Calvin crashes into the roof of Free Cape Included, and land on Bob's lap) Bob: Welcome to Free Cape Included! How can I help you?

Susie: What's the cheapest, but most terrifying spaceship you have in the house?

Bob: I'd say our terrifying-spaceship-keychain. (Holds up a keychain)

(Susie's eyes go on fire)

Susie: I SAID...

Bob: (points to a massive, Death Star-like spaceship) That one.

Susie: I'll take it!

Bob: Okay, but I must warn you, it's the most dangerous, terrifying ship we've ever been sent from the factory!

Susie:I'll Need Some protection,so I'll get a robot. but where will I find one of those?

(Susie eyes Iron Calvin, who was destroyed by a portal in the last movie.)

Susie:Hmm,I can fix you.

(Susie hits Iron Calvin With A Wrench,Causing him to awaken with a steel body(not head)with a free cape attached.)

Iron Calvin: why'd you do that for?

Susie: I was rebuilding you.

Iron Calvin: wow. How can I repay you?

Susie:get me a ginger beer.

Iron Calvin: OK.(comes back with two ginger beers on ice, and with little umbrellas in them.)

Susie: can you drink ginger beer?

Iron Calvin: yes.there's no alcohol in them or anything. And I'm a liquid-proof robot too.

Susie: Good.listen,I may have you for security and companionship,but I won't get far without someone to drive the stalker one.And I know just the person for that. But for now,we need to wait for Calvin to come.

Iron Calvin:good thing I got us large ginger beers.

Susie:yeah, good

Scene 5: Interview with Susie
(scene 5 coming soon)