Calvin the Bus Driver Transcript

Scene 1: The typical school morning
(Episode starts with Calvin running around getting his stuff for school.)

Calvin: ARRGHHH! I'M GOING TO MISS IT! I'M GOING TO MISS THE BUS!

Hobbes: You wouldn't have to worry about this stuff you know if you were actually organized in the morning.

Calvin: Your not helping furball.

Mrs. Grayson: Calvin hurry up! The bus is going to be here!

Calvin: I'm trying to! (Calvin starts running downstairs and trips and falls)

Calvin: Ugh...

(Calvin's Mom throws Calvin out to the bus stop outside the house)

Susie: What happened Calvin?

Calvin: I was hurrying to get out here so I wouldn't miss the bus, but someone keeps putting my stuff for school in various places and makes it hard to find.

Susie: I don't think your stuff is being replaced, its just you being disorganized.

Calvin: Oh please, you sound just like Hobbes.

Susie: Well, he's probably right.

Calvin: Never! I'm always right! No matter what!

(Bus pulls out)

Calvin: Aww man, I didn't get to finish my rant.

Scene 2: The hijack
(Calvin and Susie take their seats, and the bus starts moving)

Susie: Are you ready to present your project today?

Calvin: What project?

Susie: You forgot about the sciene project?!

Calvin: What? Me? Heck no. I collected all 50 bugs back when we started it!

Susie: No you idiot! That was years ago! We had to research and give examples of the scientific method!

Calvin: OH NO! I COMPLETLY FORGOT!

Susie: You always forget! Have you not been paying attention in class at all?! Your going to flunk out of school at the rate your going here!

Calvin: OH MAN OH MAN! WORMWOOD'S GONNA KILL ME!

Susie: Well it's your own fault!

Calvin: YOUR NOT HELPING!

(Cuts to bus driver up front driving)

Bus Driver: Ugh, my stomach hurts...I really shouldn't of eaten that breakfast burrito. Ugh...

(Bus Driver notices porta potty in the distance)

Bus Driver: Ugh, I need to stop.

(Stops bus)

Bus Driver: (Grabs speaker) Attention boys and girls, I need to clear out my body quickly. Don't worry, we're way ahead of schedule so we shouldn't be late to school. (Leaves)

Calvin: OH MAN OH MAN OH MA-Hey where did the bus driver go?

Susie: Your oblivious, he needed to use the bathroom.

Calvin: Oh really? (Grins evilly)

(Calvin sneaks up to the drivers' seat)

Calvin: Well, the only way to not have to admit I didn't do my project, is to simply drive off. Plus, this will help me get my drivers' liscense 10 years early! That will be a blast!

(Calvin shuts the bus doors)

Kid: Hey! Your not the bus driver.

Calvin: Well I am now, so get used to it!

Susie: CALVIN! You can't drive!

Calvin: I can too.

Susie: The Wagon Derby...

Calvin: Shut up Susie, nobody cares what girls think.

(Calvin ties two things that allow him to reach the pedals, and slams on the gas)

Calvin: WOOHOO! THIS IS THE LIFE!

(Students screaming in the back)

(Bus Driver comes back out from the porta potty)

Bus Driver: Ahh, that felt go-WHAT THE?! WHERE'S THE BUS?!

(Cuts to 911 Operator)

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?

Bus Driver: I don't know what just happened, but my bus, full of children, just vanished! Someone stole it I think!

Operator: Do you happen to remember the plate number?

Bus Driver: Uh, yes it was BW 1985 CH

Operator: Okay, we'll track it and see if we can find it.

Bus Driver: Okay, thank you so much!

(Cuts to Police Officer sitting his car reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, and suddenly sees the school bus zoom by him.)

Officer: WHOA! I don't know what the speed limit is around here, but I know for sure that was way over the limit! (Starts chasing after it)

(Cuts to Calvin driving and hears the sirens)

Calvin: Oh great...

Susie: Calvin, just stop it! Your going to kill someone with your lunatic driving!

Calvin: Shessh Susie, your sounding like Hobbes even more day after day...

Susie: WELL HE'S RIGHT!

Scene 3: The finding
(Cuts to Principal Spittle's Office)

Mr. Spittle: Ahh, I enjoy the peace and quiet in the mornings, I don't know why, but I feel like that today will be a stress-free day, no problems, no chaos from Calvin, ahhh...

(Bell rings, cuts to Miss Wormwood's Classroom)

Miss Wormwood: (Walks in) Good Morn-

(Shows that only four students are in the classroom)

Miss Wormwood: Where is everybody?! Is the bus running late?

Moe: I dunno I was walking to school this morning, and then I saw a bus goin' way faster than it should, I caught a look of the driver, and it seemed to loke like the twinky.

Miss Wormwood: You mean Calvin?

Moe: Yeah.

(Cuts back to Principal Spittle's Office, several teachers are there asking where the bus is)

Teacher 1: How is the bus this late?!

Teacher 2: My students have a test they need to start!

Teacher 3: I told the school board we need a new bus system!

Mr. Spittle: Okay, I know, look please...

Miss Wormwood: HOLD UP!

Mr. Spittle: Is this important, because I have a situation on my hands right now...

Miss Wormwood: I think we know who the driver of the hijacked bus is...

(Commercial Break)

Scene 4: The catch of Calvin
Mr. Spittle: The bus was hijaked?! HOW?!

Miss Wormwood: Well Moe told me he was walking to school and saw a bus going extremly fast. He said the driver looked like Calvin.

Teacher 2: Who's HE?

Teacher 1: Calvin, that name sounds familiar...

Teacher 3: Oh yeah! The Noodle Incident Kid!

(Spittle looks extremly annoyed, and his coffe cup breaks)

Mr. Spittle: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Cuts to Miss Wormwood's Classroom)

Moe: I knew it was twinky behind the wheel.

(Cuts to the bus)

Calvin: Attention, icky girls and gentlemen, yes, you, Susie, we're going to stop at Cumberland House of Pizza for free Cokes. And by free, I'll use the bus driver's credit card.

Susie: That's forgery, Calvin!

Calvin: Shut up, Susie, nobody cares about you!

(Susie rolls her eyes)

Calvin: Oh, wait, scratch that. We're heading to the downtown Starbucks. I want an Iced Lemon Pound Cake.

Kid: WE'VE BEEN ALL OVER RHODE ISLAND! Can we please go to school now?

Calvin: Absolutely not! I'm the bus driver, so we play by my rules!

Susie: LOOK OUT!

Calvin: For what?

Susie: The Speed Trap!

(The bus runs over the speed trap, and it causes the bus tires to deflate. The Rhode Island Police Department pulls up.)

Cop: OK, who's the driver here?

(The kids point at Calvin)

Cop: Listen kid. Give me the controls. I'll drive to school. When we get there, we will have a long talk with your parents and principal about this.

(Calvin goes back to his seat. The bus drives to school. Mr. Spittle is outside, tapping his foot.)

Mr. Spittle: Well, well, well. There's the very very VERY late bus. Calvin Grayson. See me in my office. You're parents are there.

(Cut to Calvin's room.)

Hobbes: I hope Calvin doesn't mind if I draw a mustache on the Hulk...

(Calvin barges in)

Calvin: Put that comic down. I need to complain about what happened.

Hobbes: I really don't want to know about what happened.

Calvin: Well, first I hacked the bus, the bus driver got really mad, I drove around Rhode Island and then a stupid cop stopped me.

Hobbes: That's why you're home at 1:00?

Calvin: Yeah. I got suspended from the bus for 3 days. Good news is, I won't have to wake up early to catch the bus!

Voice Cast
Tom Kenny as Calvin Grayson

Owen Wilson as Hobbes Grayson/Kid

Scarlett Johansson as Anna Grayson/Teacher 1

Jennifer Lawrence as Susie Derkins/Teacher 2

Jeremy Irons as Moe Westing

Kathryn Hahn as Miss Wormwood/Teacher 3

Tom Cruise as Mr. Spittle

Special Guest Star: Sean Penn as the Bus Driver